kewlit

Accounting lapses with green old men

2005-05-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

Fliss, a wet-behind-the-ears web sub from UK, has become a self-appointed in-house piss up organizer in the office.

I dunno why she included me in the list of a broadcast email invite for the Friday night party at one of the hangouts frequented by Brits, near Wafi City.

And why ask my opinion about VoIP service in the UAE or how PC-to-phone call sites in the country are being blocked by the local telecom monopoly? Does it really matter? Only competition can make things better, in my book.

* * *

Our accounting department must have been confused. I was expecting my housing allowance this end of April to land in my ATM as well as the pay raise that goes with being kicked upstairs.

I have greedy, bloodsucking landlords in Dubai to feed. High-lifers who have an insatiable appetite for moolahs. Some real estate companies are now charging double the amount of the previous charge for the same unit – even without making any improvements.

Forget about the two-year 20 per-cent cap on rent hikes.

Free market rules. In Dubai, it's the abrassive, merciless kind of "free" market.

Take it or leave it -- that's what they tell the tenants. That's what they told me.

This drives a lot of working men into the forced bachelorhood. A couple of guys I know have decided to send their wife and kids back home to make both ends meet.

No family, however, means no life for most.

Anyway, I had to spend a third of my pay just to get a decent hole in a wall in Dubai now, coz I need to pay in advance for three months for an accommodation that is now more expensive than my car’s monthly amortisation.

Either our accounting people screwed it up or I’m getting a raw deal.

I need to have a word with them tomorrow.

* * *

Sitting in a day-long conference on “green” buildings was a mixed bag. Most talks, such as district cooling, are excitingly boring.

I yawned away all the time the Tabreed guy was delivering a roundabout presentation on indoor air quality, chillers and stuff.

The topic would have been more interesting except that the figures in his slides were far too small. He was presenting a technical paper for a peer-reviewed industry publication.

But it's not his fault because he was asked to compress a 1-1/2 hour presentation into a 20 minute lecture express.

That was after he wasted a good five minutes trying to get his laptop working on stage.

All he could have done was to bring a CD or flash card and plug it in to the presentation laptop.

Saw at least three colleagues in that seminar, which brought several green building experts from different parts of the world, including officials from US GBC.

The current issues: Space-age coating material that reflect infrared energy from the sun back to the atmosphere, intelligent glazed insulation materials, energy-efficient lights and appliances, day-lighting, solar photovoltaic cell cladding, wind turbines, water re-use, presence sensors, intelligent building controls.

One guy gave an interesting talk about “breathing buildings” with walls that have filters and tubes wired around it to control temperature.

This works inversely both in humid/arid polar regions.

The walls act as a sort of giant vacuum cleaner that sucks air from its surroundings, cleans it before expelling cleaner air back to the area

All part of the green movement chuchu I'm trying to decode to make lay people understand it better.

* * *

Exchanged have-a-safe-drive greetings with our office van driver at past 10pm as I walked out of the gate No. 6 to my car parked nearby.

Went home hungry and quickly grabbed corn on the cob, rice and chicken and meltz from KFC. Junk food to feel an empty tummy.

Should have gone on the dinner cruise with the greens aboard Intercon’s dhow.

Sayang. The buffet.

Genuine copies on May Day

2005-05-01T15:20:00.001-07:00

May 1

“This is not fake! This is a genuine copy.”
That is the dialogue of Mohammad K., an Iranian salesman at one of the Karama flee market shops, a favourite tourist haunt for their imitation items that look as good as the genuine articles.
Here, an Omega “Broad Arrow” Speedmaster goes for Dh150 (initially priced at Dh280.
The genuine timepiece, say the Omega Moonwatch edition, would set me off Dh11,500 to Dh12,000, depending on the shop. That, however, is no not match to the diamond-studded Dior watch, for the humbling price of Dh38,000 in their Bur Juman shop.
“Why should I pay such an obscene amount of money for something that is just supposed to tell the time?” asked John, a Briton on a week-long holiday in Dubai with his wife and daughter.
John bought two phony Gucci watches for ladies and a Dior timepiece for just Dh500 altogether.
“This are good souvenir items, perfect giveaways,” John enthused.
The prices of imitation from south-east Asia are a few notches more than the ones made in China. “We took pains to have find these items and bring them over here,” explained Mohammad, while bringing out silver-coloured boxes stashed in a storeroom upstairs from the shop.
“My brother brought genuine items to the best craftsmen in Malaysia and Thailand who imitated them to the last detail. He stayed for two weeks in Kuala Lumpur to get the designs out,” said Mohammad, one of the Karama shopkeepers. “That’s why these items are not really cheap.”
Even residents in Dubai who shop there are convinced of their value for money, and the fun of haggling for the price.
Fake Burberry, Dior, Gucci, Prada bags made in Far East sweatshops but closely resemble the original ones cost anywhere between Dh80 to Dh220, depending on the design or model. Their genuine siblings cost 10 times Dh800 -- or in the case of Dior bags, up to 100 times more.

Prada 120 to Dh160
Chanel, with

Bags mostly made in China, Korea, India, Taiwan.
Dior for Dh90

* * *

I nearly forgot it’s May Day today. Labour Day has been confined in the outermost recesses of my nebulous mind.

* * *

Preggy Pinay

2005-04-30T22:33:00.000-07:00

Normina, a pregnant Filipina mum jailed for adultery, told me by phone she will get 90 lashes after giving birth to her baby girl.

The baby was conceived out of wedlock, said Normina, 30, a Filipina Muslim from Carmen, Cotabato.

Badri Karki, the Nepalese father, is set to fly back to the UAE in June, with the hope of marrying Normina.

But she fears he might suffer the same fate for violating Sharjah’s strict Islamic rules, i.e. sex/baby before marriage.

I am not sure if Normina was already sentenced by a local court judge.
“I’m luckier because some of the Filipinas inside the jail were given 120 lashes,” she said.

There are at least 10 children growing up in jail while their mums are serving their sentence or waiting for someone to donate plane tickets back home,” she said.

Normina asked me for a couple of favours. One is to get in touch with Heny, her Indonesian friend (mob 6871066) and take her luggage Heny's flat to the Sharjah Central Jail. Apparently, Normina has a stashed away some infant stuff. She also asked me to get in touch with “Projel”, a Nepalese guy working in KFC to tell him to phone Badri in Kathmandu immediately and convince him not to go back to Dubai soon, for fear he might also go to jail.

According to Normina, Badri used to call her regularly from Kathmandu (he was fired from KFC) until the coup happened in which Nepalese King Binendra’s men cut off communication lines from the Buddhist Himalayan country to the outside world and vice-versa.

Normina implored me to bring to the Sharjah Central jail her belongings from her friend’s house in Sharjah. The suitcase apparent contains infant stuff she bought in anticipation of the baby.

Though the lines are back again, Normina is now out of reach in jail. She forgot to bring a charger for her mobile phone.

We’re supposed to visit them on Wednesday with Boy Palencia, the Filipino diplomat in charge of assistance to nationals at the Philippine Consulate in Dubai.

The only thing Normina wishes is for her baby girl come out into the world normal and that she’ll be allowed to keep it.

“I’ll take anything for my baby. My friends used to tell me to get rid of her during the early stage of my pregnancy. But one mistake can’t me made right by another mistake,” said Normina, who has made two trips to a gynaecologist before surrendering to the Sharjah authorities.

“I’ll take any number of lashes as long as I get to keep my baby, who is my only hope. I don’t want to grow old alone,” said Normina.

She worked for three years as a housemaid in Kuwait before moving to Sharjah.
Normina was terrified by the urban legend that unwed mothers are sent back to their home countries, leaving their babies behind.

Palencia assured her this is not true and promised to prepare travel documents for the baby once Normina completes her jail term.

If Badri can’t fly here, and Normina goes back to Cotabato after serving her jail term, I wonder how and when they’re going to meet again.

But if it’s really love, they’ll somehow find a way to meet again.

What a girl wants

2005-03-17T13:24:00.000-08:00

(A friend sent this to me ... Dunno how true)

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL texts you everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says "I love you",
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than her.

Words of wisdom

2005-03-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

Regular naps prevent old age ... especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband!

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Don't marry the person you want to live with; marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

You can't buy love ... but you pay heavily for it.

True friends stab you in the front.

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

Early to bed, early to rise, your girl goes out with other guys.

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Freedom and Forgiveness

2005-02-14T18:33:00.000-08:00

Freedom and forgiveness

“Bwakanang-ina.”
Ganyan ang lenguahe ng usapan nila in the years before Leo and Cristy got married.
I used to overhear Leo on the phone using such expletives in their dialogue.

I also learned that Cristy used similar language.

I thought that was no way to communicate to a loved one.
When I was growing up, my parents had endless discussions and debates about many things, money especially. But I never heard them cuss each other.

* * *

I’ve been thinking about what to say to you, and had prepared endless drafts for weeks.

Ours was a roller coaster relationship.

But tell me whose isn’t?

Despite their endless fights, Leo and Cristy willed to be together in a vow that has something to do with forever.

I do remember I have called you shit and all. I don’t remember what provoked me into using that . But I do apologise. And I never really meant it.

I’m never the type who would confront someone or fight on the level of cussing. I’m not the confrontational type. Before talking to someone in a debate, I’d like to carefully think my lines and choose my words.

That’s part of who I am, wired into my DNA. We live with the choices we make for the freedom to choose is the essence of man’s existence.

I need a lot of reflection before arriving at a decision ... I agonise over the thought of hurting or killing someone, and what value it would add to my life. This might make me look indecisive.

Life has taught me that freedom means choosing not to do just about anything but to do the right thing.

Freedom finds completion in the exercise of discretion (first posted on Oct. 15, 2004)

Discretion requires keen judgment. Good judgement calls for sacrifice, restraint and postponing gratification.

It means opting not to go for instant pay-offs by considering long-term gains.

It feels good to obtain immediate reprisal for something wrong done to you by another. Reprisals tend to hurt those who exact them, too. This is what America under George Bush has realised with its post-9/11 actions.

Pain, when countered in kind, only leads to an exponential multiplication of the same.

Does freedom mean not getting back in kind? Are those who have lived through cruel times more prone to exact more violent reprisals?

When we’re moping over the unfair state of things caused by a person or people who did us wrong, where does freedom lie?

Our freedom to extend a finger ends where somebody else’s nose begins.

We can ask the next person to move over to make room for our extended limb. But he also has the freedom to say ‘No’.

So how can you say you’re free when it has limits? Or is the idea of freedom just an illusion, a contradiction?

These are questions for which I have no ready answers.

But of all the creatures in the universe, only us human beings can know the consequences of our actions.

When told different versions of the same story, our hearts can know the bigger story — the truth.

While freedom does not allow us to do anything we like without disturbing the balance of nature, it gives us absolute license to express our truth.

And one plain truth, as Dr Martin Luther Jr. once said, is this: “An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.”

Getting back in kind is good. Instant revenge feels good. But to say your truth, in the exercise of self-restraint, is even better.

If the Blacks whose forefathers were forced into slavery would try to settle ancient scores, where would all the Whites be today?

The truth is such that when you try to inflict pain on another, you invariably hurt yourself back. And this is true whether you’re talking about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict or a love affair.

And this is where Dr. Luther’s thinking could solve a lot of problems. First, it allows us to get out of the chicken-and-egg equation, endlessly trying to figure out who started to inflict pain on the other.

There is no substitute for dialogue among equals, not between a master and slave, to offer a solution.

More importantly, the truth about forgiveness based on justice is that it starts the process of healing. It puts an end to ancient hatreds.

As we’ve already seen, no man can claim he is absolutely free to do anything. Nature — and common sense — do impose some limits.

In my Dubai state of mind, freedom means having a heart big enough to forgive those who have wronged us.

Hope you have a great Valentine's Day.

When freedom stings

2005-02-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

When we’re asked to choose, we discard what we consider inferior.

In the process of choosing — colours, friends, subjects, meals, a lifetime partner — it's normal we all play favourites.

But the problem is that those we consider as inferior could be the best. The tragedy is we may never know. We decide based on our limited understanding.

We become victims of our own ignorance. What’s sad is that the choices we had in the past may no longer be there when we finally learned our lessons.

Nothing has never been more painful than having to find a lifetime partner.

There’s literally an infinite number of choices, if you consider that half of the world's 6 billion human inhabitants, are females. This means that, outside your immediate family and relatives, every female of marrying age (from about age 14 to 40), is a candidate.

This is where freedom stings. It’s impossible to choose from millions of potential partners without getting overwhelmed.

So you narrow down your choices to a few, perhaps three to five.

But out of that number, there’s just one person who brings out the best and the worst in you.

(Now edit that article on how biodiversity offers the key to food security, culled from a speech of the UAE Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries, which is supposed to go on tomorrow’s Page 3, along with a “City Talk” story on Ramadan.)

I’m blank.

Anyway, silence of the mind is good. Dirty thoughts pollute the brain to the point of self-destruction.

This is one phenomenon I’ve been reflecting on.

Silence is the absence of sound, but that it does not mean the absence of a person or object capable of making a sound.

One of the things I’ve realised is that silence is a powerful, effective way of communicating.

Being silent, which is how God communicates with us most of the time, does not mean the communicator does not exist.

Silence is the evidence of what awaits us. Silence watches our every move.

And silence is where my problem begins with freedom.

I believe there’s only one person that’s meant for another. And I thought I already found that person in this girl.

But I don’t want to work out problems with tempers going haywire.

I’d rather do it with silence, because it is more effective in making people realise deeper realities that lie within.

I may have been an oaf to someone, and a hero to another.

But this is a time to choose.

In the past, some were “chosen” at specific times or the periods they are in -- at work, school, by parents or friends.

I haven’t seriously thought about choosing until now.

This is the downside of freedom -- it offers the extremes of a possible overload of choices or an absolute lack of it.

Old habits die hard

2005-02-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

The revolution is stuck in a traffic jam

By M of www.eBalita.net

After many years, I came back to Bangkok to see old friends.

I have heard how Thailand has overtaken the Philippines economically. Don Muang airport looked the same. Honestly, I was not immediately awed by what I saw.... till the drive to the hotel.

The Bangkok I knew was still there. But it was hidden under the concrete highways and rail system. This definitely not old Siam .

Thai toll roads that would put our NLEX and SLEX to shame.. I saw a monorail system that was extensive and efficient. Underground, there was a subway system that is not even in the planning stage in the Philippines.

I read somewhere that it would take the Philippines ten years to catch up to where Thailand is now. Wow. Ganoon na ba kalayo ang agwat? Old time Filipinos in Thailand remember when it took 3 Thai Baht to buy a Philippine peso. Now the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas affirms that 1 Peso is equal to 1.43 Baht. Still it does not tell the whole story. A US dollar is equivalent to roughly 38.68 Baht. It takes roughly 56 pesos to match a dollar.

What happened? The question has been asked and answered in many fora. The topic has been beaten to death. Yet no solution is at hand. Pick your scapegoat. Religion? Culture? The World Bank? The Americans? Politicians /Government officials? The Military? The Rich? Marcos? Erap? GMA? The Enormous Debt, The Muslim and Communist Insurgency? Pick your excuse!

TRAFFIC
Traffic in Bangkok is just as bad as it is in Manila. The air pollution is noxious in both cities. Noise pollution though may be a different matter. I noticed though that our Filipino drivers honk their horn so much more than their Thai counterparts. I would go out on a limb and say that we Filipinos tend to be “noisier” than Thais. I may of course be wrong. But when I was in line at the Immigration and Customs line in Thailand’s Don Muang Airport, I swear you would hear a pin drop. It was quiet like a library. In contrast, while standing in line at Manila’s Ninoy Aquino International Airport, I could have sworn that I was in a wet market. But let’s go back to talking about traffic. It is impossible to talk about the Philippines without talking about the horrendous traffic jams caused by uncaring drivers and pedestrians.

For those who have not been to Metro Manila in a while, driving will push you close to killing somebody or being killed yourself.

There is no such thing as “right of way.” Road courtesy is hard to come by. Lines on the street are either non-existent or not followed. Traffic signs are mere suggestions.

Traffic often crawls to a stand still. When this happens, people will drive on the shoulder. Worst yet, they will drive on the opposite side of the street - The locals call it "counter-flow." The practice does make sense when law enforcement uses a lane or two of the opposing lane to ease traffic on a more congested opposite lane. However, when drivers themselves decide when to "counter-flow" it is pure chaos.

Many will be shocked to know that at night, following traffic lights in Metro Manila's thoroughfares is optional. If you stop at a red light past midnight, and there are fewer cars on the road, drivers behind you may honk their horn at you and curse you if you wait for the light to turn green before you drive through an intersection. Come night time, Red does not mean STOP in Metro Manila.

Everybody knows that buses and jeepneys load and unload passengers anywhere they please. They honk their horns incessantly. It does not take a mechanic to know that vehicles are in such poor states of maintenance because they spew black poisonous smoke. Tricycles, pedicabs and even calesas vie for the limited road space available – dodging pedestrians along the way. It is pure hell.

Of course there are certain Filipino driving habits that just make you scratch your head. Have you noticed that many drivers in the Philippines will switch off their headlights to "save" on energy. Or how they pump on the gas just before they turn the engine off? Or how some drivers refuse to shut off the engine when filling up with gas? The traffic mess is so symptomatic of what is wrong with the Philippines.

PROBLEM
Everybody wants a better Philippines. Everybody and his uncle always say progress is impossible without funds. Well here is something we can improve without money – How about discipline? It should not cost us a centavo. Gaano ba kahirap to follow internationally understood traffic rules. Red means Stop, Green means go. Even my 4 year old nephew understands that. Bakit di natin masunod yun? Di naman siguro tayo tanga. If people from other countries see this, will they not say na di tayo sibilisado? Ano ba naman ang kailangang gawin para sa tamang tawiran tumawid ang mga pedestrian? I pity Bayani Fernando, he is constantly fighting an uphill battle.

He recently put into effect a novel yet controversial way of keeping pedestrians off the streets.Called the Wet Flag Patrol, it is a truck-mounted 2-m-by-3-m ‘wet flag’ driven along the city’s streets, soaking pedestrians who stray off the curb.

People are divided about its efficacy. Some say it has come to this. Others say that embarrassing people into following the law does not work. One wrote a Manila broadsheet to say that the only thing it does is proclaim to the world that Filipinos are “morons.”

But are we morons? When did we stop crossing at pedestrian crossings? When did we stop heeding traffic signs and traffic lights? Personally, I think this illustrates the very basic flaw in Filipino society. How can we tackle huge economic debt, moral decay and other gargantuan tasks that confront us when we have a people who do not care to do what is right?

Everywhere you go in Manila, it does not take long whiff the putrid smell of garbage. In case you can’t find it, it should be where there is a huge sign that says “Bawal Magtapon ng Basura Dito.”

We are always quick to blame the lack of enforcement. True, our enforcement of laws could use a lot of improvement but if people do what is right, it should not matter.

Many essays and editorials have been written about what needs to be changed in Philippine government before, but for any change to take place, we must change the way we think. It is such a cliché that I throw up just a little. But it is true.

CHARACTER

Sagad na nga ba sa buto ang pagka corrupt ng Pilipino? Corruption is a cancer that does not spare any of us.

Everytime one buys a pirated DVD, every time one dons a fake Lacoste shirt, every time one hands an MMDA officer money to get off a traffic ticket, every time you use a fixer to get your passport renewed, every time one asks or gives a favor in violation of some procedure. We are stained.

The true measure of a man’s character is what he does when nobody is looking. Often, we celebrate beating the law. As a people, we applaud when we escape punishment. We rejoice at beating “the system.” Tuwang tuwa tayo pag nakalusot! Masarap pag nakakalamang. Small pleasures of a downtrodden people. Are we so demoralized by society that we need to cheat the system for enjoyment? Have we lost our sense of what is good or bad?

Henry Mencken said that "The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught." Beating the system is a way of life in the Philippines. Many will swear it is the only way. But if we bribe our way out of the traffic ticket, we are just as corrupt as the MMDA officer who takes the hundred peso bill tucked in our driver’s license. It is a deadly circle of corruption patronage.

It is easy to see that corrupt men do not make good citizens. A national conscience so immune to corruption can not be free. Our brand of democracy is world-class in its dysfunction. It is such a bad example of what democracy is that people in the Philippines actually consider being ruled by a tyrant as a better alrernative. Can you imagine any other nation on earth asking to be ruled by a dictator?

Because of the culture of corruption and chaos. Our youth are disillusioned. The fire of idealism has been drenched with indifference. Marching in the streets has proved futile. Our farcical elections are useless money pits that only the rich can join. Our religion has become detached from what is real. Things are not looking too rosy.

The nation has not been able to nurse her sons and daughters at her bosom. Our doctors are leaving the country to become nurses. Our teachers have left to become domestic helpers. Our men have left our shores to work on foreign ships. Our women scurry to Japan to become “entertainers.” Who can blame them. Our country’s coffers and resources have long been drained. It is every man, woman and child for himself, yet they die of starvation. Bahala kayo sa buhay niyo. Basta ako ok mentality is the norm.

What is even more painful is that millions of Filipino OFW eyes have seen what a prosperous, thriving nation can be No not in their own country but in countries they toil in.

Their own eyes have seen that road discipline can amount to commuter convenience. That a well-planned system can accomplish efficiency. Filipinos who have gone abroad have rubbed elbows with citizens of other countries who willingly sacrifice their personal gain for the greater good. Yet when we are back at home we subscribe to the same destructive behavior that we frown on when we are on foreign soil? This has all been been said countless of times before. Maybe saying it just one more time will help us see how foolish we often are.

The reality of our dream for a better Philippines is not even in the horizon. The overdue revolution that we all desire has not happened. The change that would put us back on track will not emanate from a messianic leader. It will not be enforced by a junta. It needs to start with every Filipino wanting the same thing - a better Philippines.

It is postponed every time, we cheat. It is scrapped every time we give or take a bribe. It is aborted every time we put ME before ALL. At this rate, it will not happen in our lifetime.

Random phrases

2005-02-03T18:21:00.000-08:00

To fiddle
And endlessly click the phone
To feign trying to call
Is the height of pretend existence.

To let go
And not be in control
To stop taking charge
Is a moment of deliverance.

To give up
And feel at peace
To gently lay one’s mind to rest
Is honey for the heart.

To love
Feel an all-consuming fire
To let nature take its course
Is the destiny of the soul.

To live
Seek for moments of glory
In the higher truth out of the ordinary
Is the joy of my desire.

Malayang pagsuyo

2005-02-02T19:27:00.001-08:00

"Ano ang gusto mo?" tanong ko. "Ikaw ang under or ikaw ang nang-a-under."

"Depende,” sagot nya.

“Gusto ko pareho kaming nagmamahalan,” dagdag ko.

“Maganda yang sinabi mo. Di ko naisip agad un.”

Payak na kwentuhan ukol sa masalimuot na buhay, kami at ng aking kaibigan.

“Naalala ko pa sabi ng Nanay ko, sa salitang Bicol. Kung magiging 'under de saya' daw ako ng magiging asawa, ‘mahibi-hibi (iiyak nang iiyak) ako’.”

“Di ko alam kung bakit nya nasabi yun. Dahil kaya alam nya, bilang babae, kung ano ang implikasyon nito? O na bilang babae, alam nya ang kahihinatnan ng isang lalaki na hawak sa leeg ng asawang babae?O di kaya naman, ayaw nya lang akong mag-asawa at all?

“Ang ‘Under de Saya', di ba sunud-sunuran? Ang verbal abuse, abuse pa rin yun. Kahit emotional torture, abuse din un. Mas milder pa nga ang physical kesa sa verbal or emotional. May mga lalaki na kaya sumusunod e dahil mahal nila si babae. Pero pag oo lang ng oo ang lalaki, walang thrill. Masarap din na pinapaligaya ka at sinusunod ng lalaki, pero depende pa rin sa sitwasyon. Some girls would rather let the man take charge … Dapat mas dominante sya saiyo. Gusto ko takot ako sa lalaki, kung mahal mo talaga, nirerespeto mo.

* * *

Ang isipin ka, madaling gawin. Pero ang limutin, mahirap.

Hirap din ang aking kalooban, isipin ka man o pilit iwaksi sa aking pagod nang alaala.

At minsan, pumapatak na lang kuha ko ng kusa.

Hanggang ngayon.

Di ito dahil gustong lumuha ng mga mata ko, kundi ang tubig ay galing sa pinakabukal ng puso.

* * *

Kumuha ka.
Lumuha ka, aking puso.
Hanggang ang punglo ng bawat patak ng luha
Ay tumimo sa dibdib ng kawalan
Nang ang alaala sa mga lumipas
Ay mabaon sa limot ng karimlan

Lumuha ka
Hanggang sa pagtulog
Upang maabot ang sukduklan ng pagsiphayo
Nang sa pagmulat mo'y malito sa dating dahilan ng pagluha mo.
At dumako ang iyong puso sa liwanag ng malayang pagsuyo.

Usapang lasing

2005-02-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

Ano ang gusto mo? Ikaw ang under or ikaw ang nang-a-under?

sagot: “Gusto ko pareho kaming nagmamahalan.”

Naalala ko pa sabi ng Nanay ko.

Kung magiging “under de saya” daw ako ng magiging asawa, “mahibi-hibi (iiyak nang iiyak) ako”.

Di ko alam kung bakit nya nasabi yun.

Dahil kaya alam nya, bilang babae, kung ano ang implikasyon nito?
Na bilang babae, alam nya ang kahihinatnan ng isang lalaki na hawak sa leeg ng asawang babae?

O di kaya naman, ayaw nya lang akong mag-asawa at all?

“Under de Saya”, sunud-sunuran.

The thought of verbal abuse, kahit sampalin or murahin, abuse pa rin yun. Mas milder pa ang physical kesa sa verbal or emotional.

May mga lalaki na kaya sumusunod e dahil mahal sila.

Pag oo lang ng oo ang lalaki, walang thrill.
Masarap din na pinapaligaya ka at sinusunod ng lalaki, depende sa sitwasyon.

Some girls would rather let the man take charge …

"Gusto ko takot ako sa lalaki, kung mahal mo talaga, nirerespeto mo.
Dapat mas dominante sya saiyo," .

Ang isipin ka, mahirap gawin.
Pero hirap na rin ang aking kalooban. At minsan, pumapatak na lang kuha ko ng kusa.
Hanggang ngayon. Di ito dahil gustong lumuha ng mata ko, kundi galing sa kaloob-looban ng puso ang pinakabukal nito.

Umiyak ka,
Umiyak ka, aking puso, hanggang di mo na malaman kung ano ang dahilan ng pagluha mo.

Diverse Dubai

2005-02-01T20:53:00.000-08:00

Dubai

“Tenth shopping festival ends with a flashbulb.”
This headline appeared in a foreign paper, after a small fire broke out at Global Village recently.

Within minutes, the fire, caused by a fire-eater on stilts who tripped during a parade, was put out.
The fire crippled one of the floats, but the headline painted a different story.

“Perhaps this indicates the jealousy other destinations feel for Dubai. A molehill is turned into a mountain,” said Ahmad Abdullah, a UAE national who was at the Village when the fire broke out. He was visiting the Japanese pavilion with his friend Louay when it happened. “I learned about it through the public address system.”
The month-long fête did not end just then.
The fun had just begun.

The festival, started in 1996 as a shopping and family leisure event, has evolved into a fabulous fair and turned Dubai into a mosaic of cultures under the theme “One World. One Family. One Festival.”

Dubai, a city of about 1 million inhabitants, received 3.1 million tourists during the last festival. This time, Saeed Al Naboudah, chief executive of Dubai Shopping Festival (DSF), said the city is on target to receive 3.3 million visitors.

During the 32-day festival, Dubai becomes a magnet for shoppers, with about 5,000 visitors coming from Iran alone daily. About 45 per cent of visitors are tourists who have flown in, while the rest are nationals and other Gulf residents who have made the journey by road.

The city is home to 180 different nationalities.

“This is the season when bargain basement prices in Dubai could beat [prices in] Hong Kong and Singapore, hands down,” says Kiran Chhabria of Jumbo Electronics.

The raffle draws are unheard of — three Lexus luxury cars are raffled off everyday (with a grand cash prize of Dh10 million). Shoppers also qualify for the daily raffle of Nissan cars, while gold aficionados who spend Dh500 at outlets of the Dubai Gold and Jewellery Group get the chance to win 1 kg of gold on a daily basis during the festival’s 32 days.
People who buy a commemorative gold coin for Dh250 are entitled to win 5 kg of gold weekly and 100 kg of gold (worth Dh5 million) at the grand draw.
On the first day, Abdullah Ebrahim Al Baik, a two-year-old Palestinian boy, struck it rich for his family when he won three Lexus cars — valued at more than Dh500,000.

A testimony to Dubai’s open embrace of diversity can be seen in the 900 or so outfits in the Media City free-zone (including CNN, BBC and Asharq Al Awsat). There are thousands of other companies in the free zones dealing with aviation, manufacturing, internet, shipping, health and humanitarian aid.

Yesterday, General Shaikh Mohammad Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Crown Prince of Dubai and UAE Defence Minister, announced a new initiative to open a biotech zone.
When it comes to the media, Dubai has evolved a mindset that sets it apart in a world that often only sees news when there is blood on the streets. When the local media reported toilets at Global Village needed repairs and the traffic around the Village had caused four-hour road jams, the organisers and the police did not kill the messenger; they got the message.
Defective toilets were closed for repairs and mobile units were installed in no time. Rank-and-file police officers offered solutions to traffic problems and considered proposals from the public.

Since then, the flow of traffic to the Global Village has improved immensely.

“Dubai is not just a city, it is a feeling, an experience. Everyone who has a good idea to offer is recognised here, not punished or sidelined,” said Ayad Abbas, an Iraqi-Canadian engineer and an expert in total quality management. “That’s the only way to go forward.”

Rewarding good ideas is a practise started by the late Shaikh Rashid, founder of modern Dubai and father of the current rulers, who gave land to Christians working in the emirate on which they built churches.

During the festival, the best cultural groups in the world — from Kenya’s Waza Africa team and Bayanihan Dance Company of the Philippines to Bollywood stars, top-class jazz musicians and native Maoris dancers — descend upon the city in a scintillating masala of cultures unseen anywhere else.

Also in town are sculptors, craftsmen and visual artists from different parts of the world, who turn some parts of the city, such as Diyafa Road, Al Seef Street and the Heritage Village into virtual open-air galleries.

Visitors

Though most visitors come from neighbouring GCC countries, an increasing number of Europeans, Iranians, Iraqis, Indians, Pakistanis, Chinese and other East Asians are also coming, according to the Dubai Commerce and Tourism Marketing, the government’s main tourism-promotion arm.

On regular days, Dubai gets about 40,000 tourists per day. This shot up to 96,875 per day during DSF 2004, according to Dubai’s immigration department.
This year, officials expect the numbers to increase further. Visitors to Dubai, especially families coming in for the festival, are welcomed at the airport by a multinational group of 100-plus volunteers that speak 37 different languages.
“Most of the expatriates who come here finds the city’s well-paved streets, charming buildings and top-class infrastructure a pleasurable experience,” said Vicky Elabd, a Westerner who lives in Dubai, as she checked out paintings of Iraqi artists at their national pavilion in Global Village.

Because women are allowed to drive here, many Saudi women have quietly moved to Dubai.

“The UAE enriches its own culture by embracing others,” K. Suleiman, a Saudi office manager who works here.

Khalid Al Shami, an accountant from Al Ahsa, in eastern Saudi Arabia, recently took 10 members of family for a week-long vacation to Dubai.
“I’ve been here five times before. The cityscape keeps on changing with each visit. Dubai is a city without fear of trying new ideas,” said Al Shami.

When Dubai opened its property sector to foreign ownership under the freehold scheme in 2002, the move raised some eyebrows among some of its neighbours.

By throwing in a residence visa with every freehold property bought, the emirate has virtually given a second citizenship to any foreign buyer.

Dubai has become an example of how a country can be transformed in one generation. Its oil trade now accounts for less than 10 percent of its GDP.
Many people outside the UAE still can’t believe the much-publicised Palm Islands project.
What they don’t realise, however, is that in addition to the first one, Palm Island Jumeirah, Dubai is now building two more — Palm Islands Jebel Ali and Deira.

“Dubai just amazes me,” says Rajini Apiah, a teacher from India, who snapped up a mini DV camera and DVD recorders from Jumbo.

Not everything is perfect. The tsunami has affected Dubai’s property market, especially the seaward developments.

Still, its been reported famous football players such as David Beckham and other celebrities are bidding for a patch of the frond. With the world’s most luxurious hotel, the Burj Al Arab, Dubai is now building what is reportedly the world’s tallest building, the Burj Dubai, expected to be completed in 2007.

Since the government has introduced “freehold” ownership in 2002, other parts of the UAE and other countries in the Gulf have followed suit, or are at least contemplating similar steps.

Top 10 DSF destinations

1. Global Village at Dubailand on the Emirates Road, with 46 national pavilions in 17.2 million sq.ft. arena. Open for 79 days (from January 12th to March 31), served by 50 buses to shuttle public from different points of Dubai to the Village (average fare is Dh2 (70¢); food has 60 restaurants and four main cafés, 75 kiosks for the retail sector, a 6,000-seat amphitheatre and a 4,000 sqm man-made lake. Products showcased range from traditional household items to furniture, foodstuff, garments, antiques, jewellery, education and universities, handicrafts and gift items, etc.

2. Al Shindagha Zone allows visitors to have a chance to learn more about the UAE and the region's heritage and culture.

3. Dubai Carnivals, which bring various DSF venues bustling with entertainment activities.

4. Night Souq offers unbeatable prices for shoppers.

5. Desert Camp, a hive of traditional activities.

6. Prizes galore - raffles for cash, cars and gold.

7. Public parks offer various interesting activities for all age groups.

8. Al Seef Road

9. Al Riqqa Road

10. Al Muraqqabat Road

Moving God's heart

2005-01-27T17:10:00.000-08:00

Humble Prayer Moves God's Heart, Says Pope
Reflects on Psalm 114 (116)

VATICAN CITY

Prayer, especially in times of despair and anguish, moves the heart of God if offered with humility, says John Paul II.

The Pope gave that commentary on Psalm 114(116), a song of thanksgiving raised by the man at prayer, at today's general audience attended by some 6,000 people in Paul VI Hall.

"I was caught by the cords of death," the Psalm reads, "the snares of Sheol had seized me; I felt agony and dread. Then I called on the name of the Lord, 'O Lord, save my life!'"

"It is a brief but intense prayer of the man who, finding himself in a desperate situation, holds fast to the only plank of salvation," said the Holy Father in the catechesis he prepared and which, as on previous occasions, he did not read completely.

"Once saved, the person at prayer proclaims that the Lord is 'gracious and just,' more than that, 'merciful,'" he said. "This last adjective, in the Hebrew original, makes reference to the tenderness of a mother.

"Genuine trust always sees God as love, even if at times it is difficult to understand his actions. It is certain, nevertheless, that 'The Lord protects the simple.' Therefore, in misery and abandonment, one can always count on him, 'Father of the fatherless, defender of widows.'"

The Pope continued: "Invoked with faith, the Lord extended his hand, broke the coils that encircled the person at prayer, dried the tears from his eyes, and stopped his precipitous descent into the infernal abyss."

The song, he reminded the faithful, "ends with a scene of light: The person at prayer returns to 'the land of the living,' that is, to the paths of the world, to 'walk before the Lord.'"

An English-language summary of the catechesis, read by a papal aide, explained: "Prayer helps to discover the loving face of God. He never abandons his people but guarantees that, notwithstanding trials and suffering, in the end good triumphs."

The Pope concluded his meditation by quoting third-century Christian thinker Origen, who in one of his texts said: "If one is great, if one exalts oneself and is proud, the Lord does not protect one; if one thinks one is great, the Lord does not have mercy on one; but if one abases oneself, the Lord has mercy on one and protects one.

"The one who is little and poor can recover peace, rest," the Pope said. Origen, paraphrasing the Psalm, concluded: "Let us also say to our souls: 'Return to your rest.' Our rest is Christ, our God."

John Paul II was continuing his series of reflections on the Psalms and canticles of the liturgy of vespers, the Evening Prayer of the Church. Others are posted in the Wednesday's Audience section of ZENIT's Web page.
(Zenit.org)

* * *

Someone from the alumni group has been bugging me with all sorts of questions ... her work status, and the fact that she wants to shift to another job.

But the way she says hello and bye on the phone... siguro likas lang na malambing.

She also sorta sings well or has the passion for music.

I can play the part, too, I mean with my guitar or on the piano.

Ewan.

Press release syndrome

2005-01-26T21:48:00.000-08:00

Writing non-stop.
Writing non-sense.
Sometimes, that’s what I end up feeling when there’s no time left to recharge.

No decent time to read.

Not even a decent time for sleep, or to make music or pursue other hobbies, such as weekend bash in the dunes on four wheels.

By the time I’m done for the day, usually by midnight, I’d be so wasted.
The gym and the pool would be closed by then, anyway.

I think my other colleagues also feel the same way.

As for the monetary rewards … I heard there’s a pay raise in the cards by next month.
Until I see the figures in my bank statement, that remains a hope against hope.
Also starting February 1, the paper will start with the experiment of a five-day workweek, as in two consecutive days off.

That’s thanks in no small part to the brilliant, forward-looking managers of the publication group.

A two-day weekend in something quite unheard of in this parts, where labor laws have not completely shed off the feudal, or tribal, frame of mind.

Passports are still being kept by personnel departments(though they are made available upon written request, signed by bosses).

* * *

Got two books of Deepak Chopra today, and have them signed by the mind-medicine guru himself at the Jumeirah Hotel, where he gave the keynote of the Wellbeing Show.

The queue for the book-signing session included Dubai’s glitterati and even medical doctors who believe in the body’s ability to heal itself.

Leafing through the first pages, and after listening to Deepak’s 1-1/2 hour lecture on the healing powers of meditation, I think he’s not way off the mark.

Meditation, like fasting, is something present in all religions. It breaks the continuity in one’s life, a refuge from the ego, the world and the tensions it creates.

Ergo, one becomes at peace with his inner self, not needing anyone to be happy.

Which is what I so badly need right now.

* * *

It been a pretty tiring day.

Only a few hours of sleep and it's back to the ground again.

It's almost 10pm and I still had to meet this business guy who's behind one of the national pavilions at the Global Village.

I just pray I won't have to drive through snail-paced traffic for the last 8 to 10km before I reach the entrance, like the previous weekend.

Amid the jostling and blaring horns, a press pass does nothing to make one's car fly.

How Media Can Promote Peace

2005-01-25T20:48:00.000-08:00

Pope Highlights Way Media Can Promote Peace
In Message for 2005 World Communications Day

VATICAN CITY, JAN. 24, 2005 (Zenit.org)

The promotion of understanding among peoples is the way the media serve the cause of peace, says John Paul II in his 2005 message for World Communications Day.

The theme of the day, to be observed May 8, is "The Communications Media at the Service of Understanding among Peoples."

"Modern technology places at our disposal unprecedented possibilities for good, for spreading the truth of our salvation in Jesus Christ, and for fostering harmony and reconciliation," the Pope writes in the message.

"Yet its misuse can do untold harm, giving rise to misunderstanding, prejudice and even conflict," he adds in the text issued in six languages by the Vatican press office on January 24, feast of St. Francis of Sales, the patron of journalists.

In his message, the Holy Father warns communicators about an "urgent need": "To promote the unity of the human family through the use made of these great resources."

"One important way of achieving this end is through education. The media can teach billions of people about other parts of the world and other cultures," he states.

For many, the media are "the chief means of information and education, of guidance and inspiration in their behavior as individuals, families, and within society at large," he continues. "Accurate knowledge promotes understanding, dispels prejudice, and awakens a desire to learn more.

"When others are portrayed in hostile terms, seeds of conflict are sown which can all too easily escalate into violence, war, or even genocide."

John Paul II continues: "Instead of building unity and understanding, the media can be used to demonize other social, ethnic and religious groups, fomenting fear and hatred. Those responsible for the style and content of what is communicated have a grave duty to ensure that this does not happen.

"Indeed, the media have enormous potential for promoting peace and building bridges between peoples, breaking the fatal cycle of violence, reprisal and fresh violence that is so widespread today."

The Pope highlights the influence of the media "in favor of the swift mobilization of aid in response to natural disasters."

"It was heartening to see how quickly the international community responded to the recent tsunami that claimed countless victims," he states.

To achieve these objective, the Bishop of Rome concludes by offering an ethical principle for communication: "The human person and the human community are the end and measure of the use of the media of social communication."

"Communicators have the opportunity to promote a true culture of life by distancing themselves from today's conspiracy against life and conveying the truth about the value and dignity of very human person," he proposes.

The Holy Father adds that "my prayer on this year's World Communications Day is that the men and women of the media will play their part in breaking down the dividing walls of hostility in our world, walls that separate peoples and nations from one another, feeding misunderstanding and mistrust."

The Birth Pangs of Arab Democracy

2005-01-23T05:08:00.000-08:00

If the idea of a representative government that changes periodically through the ballot is ill-fitted to Islam's tenets, why do many Arab countries today are holding elections this year?

Before the EU came about, Europe's different principalities were embroiled in wars for centuries because of petty tiffs between their various sovereigns.

The rulers of ancient Europe had the same argument — that they have the Divine right to rule - until the French Revolution, when ordinary folks have realised they've had enough.

The intellectual depth of the article below very well sums this issue up quite like no one else could.

* * *

By Joshua Muravchik

For the Arab world, 2005 may be remembered as the year of the election.

Today, Palestinians will choose a new president. Three weeks later, Iraqis will elect a national assembly.

This will be only the beginning. Palestinians will go to the polls no fewer than three more times before the year is out, to elect municipal councils, a new legislative body and new leadership within Fatah, the dominant political party.

The Iraqi assembly, in addition to forming a government, will write a constitution that will be put to a national referendum in the fall, followed by new elections.

Since Palestine and Iraq are the twin causes on which the eyes of the Arab world have been riveted, their example will reverberate throughout the region.

And they will not be the only places where elections will be held.
From February through April, Saudi Arabia will hold municipal elections throughout the kingdom, a landmark step of popular participation for an absolutist regime that has imprisoned academics merely for advocating constitutional monarchy.

This spring, Lebanon will hold parliamentary elections. These are nothing new, but for the first time, a multiethnic opposition to the Syrian puppet regime might actually win a significant share.

Late in the year, Egypt will hold parliamentary elections, the first step toward choosing a president.

The presidential outcome is noncompetitive and foreordained if, as expected, Hosni Mubarak seeks another term. But restlessness with the rule of the 76-year-old chief who has held the presidency for more than 24 years may result in livelier-than-usual contests for parliamentary seats. Elections are also scheduled in Yemen and Oman.

It's an extraordinary moment in a region that until now has resisted the tide of democratization that has reached every other corner of the world. Even such distant climes as sub-Saharan Africa can boast that 19 of its 48 governments (40%) have been chosen by the people in competitive elections. But among Arab states the record is zero out of 22.

Still, this year's efflorescence of voting is being greeted with skepticism from some quarters.

A columnist in Egypt's Al Ahram, for instance, said "one would think the Arab countries are living the spring of democracy" but went on to question the meaningfulness of it all, implying, as another skeptical Egyptian intellectual put it, that all these exercises add up to nothing more than "painting the house … a soap opera, a response to American pressure."

This last point is particularly interesting. The fact is that even though the war on terror and the intervention in Iraq have driven American popularity in the Arab world to a nadir, President Bush's strategy of fomenting democracy in the Middle East is gaining traction.

Washington's new advocacy of democratization, reinforced by economic and diplomatic initiatives as well as its military presence, has made authoritarian governments squirm and has emboldened reformers.

Some Arabs may not be happy that these elections are coming at the instigation of the Americans, but the fact that American pressure is one impetus behind them does not make them any less important. (As the host of last year's reform conference in Alexandria put it: "If the Americans say they are against corruption, must I then be for it?")

It's true that virtually all of the upcoming elections will be flawed.

Violence will keep many Iraqis from the polls. Fatah's presidential candidate, Mahmoud Abbas, will not face any serious challengers. Syrian occupiers will keep a majority of Lebanon's legislators in their pocket.

Saudi municipal councils will remain half-appointed, and women may not be allowed to participate in voting to fill the other half.

But the skeptics are too cavalier. The sudden plethora of elections signifies a gathering momentum for the idea of popular sovereignty and a corresponding delegitimization of the various rationalizations for authoritarianism — heredity, national unity, divine will and the like.

The hoariest excuse for Arab dictatorship has been the need for an iron fist as long as the Arab nation is under challenge. We can't risk reform while Israel occupies Palestinian land, they have said, an excuse that has carried weight despite its illogic.

But even the most passionate Arab nationalist will see its hollowness if the Palestinians themselves, although not yet a state, are conducting politics by democratic methods.

And won't it be humiliating if the Iraqis under occupation select their own government while other Arabs, untouched by foreign domination, aren't permitted to do so?

Sure, the elections result from pressures, foreign and domestic. But the people bringing the pressure aren't going to be satisfied with empty rituals. 2005 will be the year of Arab voting and perhaps, as well, of the birth pangs of Arab democracy.

Islanders

2005-01-20T05:43:00.000-08:00

The culture of the Maoris, New Zealand’s first inhabitants, comes alive at this year’s Global Village, at a pavilion shared by a host of Pacific nations.

The 600-square metre arena showcases the culture, crafts and tradition of the Maoris, as well as the native populations of the island nations of Fiji, Tonga and the Solomon Islands.

“One cannot fully appreciate the art, culture and life of Pacific islanders, unless he immerses himself in their oral traditions and learns the symbolism of their traditional carvings,” said Regina Sio, a native Maori and chief executive of SMK Management, main organisers.

“Being here today, in the midst of 45 other nations, is an awesome experience. We [are learning] about other cultures and sharing our culture [with] others, too,” she said.

The pavilion’s façade, featuring indigenous art, recreates a Maori meeting house, or “Wharenui”.

In Maori tradition, great importance is attached to the meeting house, explained filmmaker and production Lee Baker, a sixth-generation New Zealander.

Maoris have a long-standing habit of providing legendary hospitality, said Anne Minhinnick, a Maori shop owner in the pavilion, who sells traditional items.

“Maoris had no written tradition before the colonisers arrived. So our stories are etched in stone or shell carvings… and that’s what’s been faithfully handed down from generation to generation,” she said.

For example, fishhooks laminated on 5,000-year-old Rimu wood (Dh400) are symbols of protection for sea voyagers, as well as fertility.

The “Pounamu”, a huge wing-shaped jade carving dangling on Minhinnick’s neck, represents her stature in the Maori community.

“This stone, blessed by the community elders, carries a privilege and honour handed down over many generations,” she said.

Among these exhibitions are many rare artifacts. Particularly interesting are Kauri bowls and platters, made up of wood carbon-dated at 45,000 years old.

Maori handicrafts, including carvings made from the shell of the Blackfoot-Abalone, or “Paua” endemic to New Zealand's coastal waters and renowned for its deep blue-green and turquoise colours, and is often worked into jewellery.

Prior to the European colonisation of New Zealand, native Maori made extensive use of the shell for jewellery and for carvings.

Another craft of the Maori people on display at Global Village are stone carvings made from nephrite, a stone related to jade. Nephrite is a hard stone to work with, especially so with the primitive grinding tools available to the Neolithic Maori.

The traditional Maori craft of weaving gives a glimpse of the time when Maoris arrived in New Zealand around 1,000 years ago, when they discovered Harekeke — an native lily — which provides a strong fibre.

As a culture without metal-working, and in a country without mammals for hides or clothing, the Maori soon found flax vital to their lives.

Over time, the Polynesian skills of weaving mats and baskets became transformed and adapted to tasks such as making ropes, fishing lines and nets, sails for canoes, shelter and clothing.

A troupe of Maori performers is being flown in from New Zealand, so visitors can enjoy traditional songs and dances.

BOX

New Zealand and Pacific nations (including Fiji, Tonga and Solomon Islands) are joining Global Village for the first time.
- Pavilion area covers 600 square metres; the façade is inspired by a Wharenui, a Maori meeting place, which reflects the tradition and history of Maori tribes and sub-tribes.
- Two per cent of sales generated at the pavilion will be turned over to Global Village organisers to be given for the UAE Red Crescents’ tsunami victims, relief drive said organisers.
– Pavilion showcases culture, crafts and tradition of the indigenous Maori and Pacific Islander peoples.
– Products: Cloaks, garments, bags made of flax, contemporary Maori art, CDs of Maori music, carvings, shirts, Kauri bowls and platters (made up of wood carbon dated at 45,000 years old), carvings made from the shell of the Blackfoot-Abalone (a seashell called “Paua”) and stone carvings made from nephrite (a stone related to jade)
– A troupe of Maori performers is being flown in from New Zealand, so visitors can enjoy traditional songs and dances

Pearly tales

2005-01-19T17:54:00.000-08:00

How can you tell if a pearl is fake?

Mohammad Raja, a Yemeni trader with a khanjar (dagger) tucked into his belt, has a ready answer: “Burn it.”

Then, popping a cigarette lighter, Raja starts to heat up a string of pearls before curious onlookers in his stall.

“Nothing… nothing happens because these are ‘asli’ (real). Fake pearls made of plastic turn dark or melt when burned. If you bite a fake pearl, your teethmarks will be left in it,” said Raja, 25. He belongs to a family from Sana’a, Yemen’s capital, with four generations of involvement in the pearl trade.

His pearls, mostly uneven in shape, are just some of the interesting items one can see — and buy — at the Yemeni national pavilion at the Global Village.

The more adventurous can check out old but razor-sharp swords, worth between Dh2,000 and Dh20,000.

The age, history and value of these weapons depend on a number of factors, such as inscriptions near the hilt. To illustrate, Ali Hussain, a stall owner in the pavilion, unleashed his prized sample: a 500-year-old metre-long sword.

“The inscriptions on the sabre tell a story. This one is a product of backyard foundries of Yemeni Jews, who have been living in Yemen for thousands of years,” explained Hussain.

A 200-year-old sword goes for about Dh5,000.

The khanjar-toting Yemeni salesmen may seem intimidating to first-time visitors. As soon as the men repeat the greeting ‘Marhaba’ (welcome), however, apprehension turns into smiles.

“We Yemenis wear khanjars as part of our traditions,” explained Ahmad Yahya, another antique trader at the pavilion.

Turning to his collection of old guns, Yahya said: “These Arabian guns have seen many wars in the past. They’re the favourite of private collectors.”
Some of his old “bundoghia” (rifles) were witnesses to Turk-Yemen conflicts in 1500s and were used until the early 1900s.

“But,” Raja was quick to add, “they don’t work anymore. They’re just for decorative purposes.”

Don’t the traders have problems taking these pieces out of Yemen to be sold?

“Not really. Many Yemeni families have been collecting and selling rare items for hundreds of years,” said Hussain.

The really valuable ones are kept in museums in Yemen, he said.

“Our main customers are a special breed of people. They have a good sense of history. They are sophisticated people and value old pieces,” he said. “It is not easy to find antiques. We have scores of members of our family scouring different parts of Yemen, especially in the highlands, looking for these rare pieces.”

Besides weapons, there’s also a glittering array of traditional silver jewellery and perfumes.

Mark of manhood

“We no longer wear the khanjars to defend ourselves, but as an expression of an ancient culture and tradition,” said Awsan Othman Al Qabati, organiser of the pavilion, which has 51 stalls in a 1,000-square metre area.

The shape and type of Yemeni khanjars represent the place where they were made and the way in they are worn.

Khanjars (also called djambia) can vary according to a man’s profession. (Even the Yemeni president wears a khanjar in official functions.)

Not only the shapes vary, but also the value, based on the material. The blade is usually made of steel, while the sheath can be made of wood inlaid with semi-precious stones. Sometimes, it is made from silver or gold.

A regular dagger may takes three to four days to create, but those with intricate designs take up to two months (and also cost more).

Souvenir khanjars cost about Dh30 at the pavilion, but a khanjar with a handle made of rhino horn may command as much as Dh4,000.

Those with handles made of cow horn are much less expensive. Compared to the Omani version, Yemeni khanjars take much more curved “J” tip, Yahya explained.

Other shops sell spices, honey (from Dh200 to Dh500 per kg), incense and myrrh.

This year, a replica of traditional high-rises in Shebam, in the Hadramaut province, offer a facade to Yemen’s pavilion.

“Some of these buildings rise up to 12 floors, and have been there for 500 years. They form the so-called ‘Manhattan of the Desert,’ and people still live in them in Yemen,” said Al Qabati.

Performers flown in from Sana’a welcome visitors to the pavilion with traditional songs and dances.

Each region or village in Yemen — from the fisher folk, the Bedouin tribes, and the mountain dwellers — have their own folk dances. "We’ve brought some of them to Global Village to give visitors a taste of our homeland, right here in Dubai,” said Al Qabati.

Attractions:

Khanjar (daggers), swords, old guns, silverware, honey, Yemeni crockery, incense burners, spices.
Cups, plates, and saucers made of Al Harth stone from Yemen’s Sada city.
Yemeni traditional bands also perform at the Yemen pavilion, inside the Arabian Bedouin Life Festival area in Shindagha Heritage Village.

Pavilion Fact File
Country name: Republic of Yemen (Al Jumhuriyah Al Yamaniyah)
Capital: Sana’a
Pavilion products: Silver handicrafts, traditional knives (djambia), special waist belts for men and women to carry kohl, silver crowns for brides, a cluster of traditional necklaces studded with semi-precious stone as amber and murjan, spices, honey.
Area: 527,910 sq km
Climate: Mostly desert; hot and humid along its west coast; temperate in western mountains affected by seasonal monsoon; extraordinarily hot, dry, harsh desert in east
Population: 18.7 million
Ethnic groups: predominantly Arab; but also Afro-Arab, South Asians, Europeans.
Religions: mainly Muslim, including Shaf’I (Sunni) and Zaydi (Shi’a), small numbers of Jews, Christians and Hindus
Language(s): Arabic
Currency: Yemeni riyal

Celebrate diversity

2005-01-18T18:03:00.000-08:00

Lively African street dancers dressed in colourful outfits perform alongside a group of young German musicians.

Elsewhere, entertainers from Jordan to Japan, Morocco to New Zealand, showcase traditional arts, dances and music.

An interesting mix of “Tuktuks”, rickshaws, tricycles, joy bus trains and modified golf carts ferry people from the parking lots to the main gate and back.

Imagine mixing all of this diversity together, inside a 17.4-million-square-foot arena.

Welcome to Global Village 2005, a microcosm of how the world’s civilisations can co-exist, rather than clash.

To the thousands of tourists and residents who visit daily, this cultural “masala” is both fascinating and familiar, and a big part of Dubai Shopping Festival’s celebratory 10th year.

Fascinating place

This is where participating countries can showcase their heritage, products, tourist attractions, culture, people, cuisine, dances and lifestyle.

“I’ve seen five previous festivals, but each year offers a totally new experience for me. People accept each other for what they are,” said Parvana Mahtavi, a mother visiting from Iran.

“It’s a fascinating place. So much thought and work have gone into realising this project … it’s not easy to put all of it together, but Dubai has done it,” said Marie Anne Minhinnick, a native Maori from New Zealand.

“It’s really more of a festival now than just shopping,” said Ravi Prasad, a gold retailer from India, who has been working in Dubai for over a dozen years.

“The Global Village experience makes you realise that it’s because people are different that we have so much to share,” said Monica Bruns, a German tourist from Dresden, amid the cacophony of the carnival atmosphere.

Not everything has fallen exactly into place, however.

Some stalls in a few national pavilions are still empty (or under construction). Some of the restrooms serving visitors need quick fixes.

These teething problems are bound to happen, especially because the Dh60 million Village has been moved to an all-new venue, organisers said.

“I like the friendly atmosphere here, even if people sometimes barely understand each other when they talk,” said Feng Jie, an Abu Dhabi-based Chinese diplomat, as she carefully checked goods at Daiso, a store which has an outlet in the Japan pavilion.

All in one place

“There’s so much to see, but so little time. My children are enjoying every bit of it … they get to see so much of the world in one place,” said Abdullah S., a government employee from Riyadh on a week-long holiday in Dubai.

“This fabulous event unites all colours of the world. If you go back 10 years, no one knew about Dubai or the UAE in New Zealand. But now, with direct flights between our two countries, the tourist traffic is just starting to boom,” said Lee Baker, a film-maker from Christchurch.

The Village’s new location has helped reduce the huge traffic jams many attendees remember from past festivals.

Even if it has been moved some 40 km away from the city, however, the Village remains hugely popular.

Weekend visitors waited up to 30 minutes in the queue before they could reach the parking lots, with space for 15,000 vehicles.

“It took me an hour and 16 minutes to get out of the parking lot on to the main Emirates Road,” said Michel, a European. “It was total pandemonium, as eight or nine cars were trying to squeeze into a two or three-lane exit. This could be dangerous if someone needs quick medical treatment and an ambulance can’t pass through. I hope the organisers will do something about it.”

“When thousands of people come together in one place at the same time, there are bound to be problems. With a little patience, everyone can enjoy it,” said Sultan Abdullah, a UAE national from Abu Dhabi, who visited the Village with his three sons and two daughters.

Nothing encapsulates Global Village’s diversity more succinctly than a comment from Sister Sodonie Canda, a Jordanian nun who belongs to Rosary Sisters, a religious order that runs a school in Sharjah.

She said: “I came here with other sisters to satisfy my curiosity. The rich intermingling of cultures offers a very unique experience. It makes people realise mutual respect is what the world sorely needs today.”

Letting go

2005-01-03T14:16:00.000-08:00

The passage below, ‘Let Go’, written by T.D. Jakes, is both heart-warming and nerve-wracking.

Just wanna share it with anyone who cares to read.

* * *

When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over.

And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something.

I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe
in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I
know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.

And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

(This is the point I totally disagree with the writer... If Jesus said: ‘Why does have it take my life to save humanity from the grip fo sin? I don't need it!’ The history of our salvation would have been different. There are some things one must sweat out or die for. Like freedom.)

Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ... Let it go!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ... Let it go!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth ... Let it go!

If someone has angered you ... Let it go!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ... Let it go!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... Let it go!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ... Let it go!

If you have a bad attitude ... Let it go!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better ... Let it go!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him ... Let it go!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship ... Let it go!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves ... Let it go!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ... Let it go!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to ... Let it go!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.

GOD is doing a new thing for 2005!

Get Right or Get Left ... think about it, and then let it go!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

LET GO AND LET GOD!

New near, new place

2005-01-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

[Sunday]

Shafiq, a forty-something Pakistani driver, helped solve one of my biggest problems as the year of the rooster pulled in: moving to a new place.

After the bags were packed (started packing since after Christmas), I thought I was ready to go today (my off). But not quite.

I did what post people would — starting packing up the big stuff. Just when you think you’ve bunched everything clean, little stuff left here and there came into view — and there's no place or box to fit them in.

Moving around — part of the so-called permanent temporariness — defines expatriate workers' lives in a country not ready to naturalise immigrants.

To get rid of some stuff, I called the Filipino cargo forwarder, for whom Shafiq works.

By the time Shafiq (and Joey, a Filipino crew) showed up to pick up the ‘Kabayan’ box (bound for Cavite), around 5pm, it was all wrapped up and tagged properly.

Since I had no breakfast or lunch (save for a left-over shawarma), I took a quick snack (luncheon meat, leftover New Year cake) to cap the day.

Packing was the easy part. Moving was not, especially if you have heavy cabinet and huge table to handle. Finally started to take them on the road on Shafiq’s hardy pick-up around 7.30pm.

Had to leave them at an inconspicuous corner at Kuya Fred’s. I though I'll move the rest — electronics, wardrobe, books and all — in my small car early next month when I finally move in.

Since I’m welcome at my current place till January 6, I must find some place else to stay till February 6, the day Kuya Fred's family flies to London. A typical bed space scene in Dubai would have three or four people in one room… Works just fine for me for a month. Officially, though, I’m homeless now.

(I was thinking maybe it's time to consider moving to nearby Sharjah, where rents are cheaper, and finally live alone. But the traffic between that emirate and Dubai would probably drive me nuts. I don't want to be reminded of my Manila days. The thought of living in my car or driving on the freeway to Mama Ling’s in Al Ain, about about 130km from Dubai, daily also crossed my mind. That way I'll skip renting for a month, haha.)

During the short trip from Karama to Deira, I learned Shafiq, a father of seven from Peshawar used to work in Qatar as a mechanic for the oil-rich state’s police department.

With the little Arabic I knew, we got along pretty well. Talked about what men meeting for the first time break the ice with. He claims having screwed 50, maybe more, Russian women in Dubai during his prime. I couldn’t share a thing in this department, but feel fine having no similar tales to offer.

Thankfully, the cabinet and table fitted well in the elevators, both at the flat I’m leaving (on the second floor) and the new one I’m moving to (on the 7th).

Shafiq has become my friend by the time the big move was over and we exchanged mobile phone numbers. I offered to refer him to other people who might need his help in the future. He walked away happy with Dh50 I forked out of my wallet, 10 dirhams more than what he asked for.

Though today did not go exactly like the other off days (breaking my traditional ritual of snuggling with a book and having hot soup in between or watching a DVD), it's a prelude of things to come.

Hope the rest of the year brings excitement, less stress and more reasons to cheer.

* * *

I just learned my colleague Abdullah Arbab was asked to leave the company. Non-performance. I think I also saw it coming. Incorigible work attitude. Or could it also be because he is black?

* * *

Reminders for the New Year

According to the Stylebook, we do the following:

- Adviser
- Italicise newspaper names
- Second World War (not World War II)
- use the em dash (the long one, which looks like this —) for parenthetical information
- Single quote marks are only allowed to be used for a quote within a quote in copy
- South East Asia (not Southeast Asia)
- Robert C. Byrd (all initials take a full stop, except Harry S Truman, whose middle name was S, although there is some doubt this is true)

New Year bash

2005-01-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

New Year means moving to a new place.

Worked yesterday till early evening. Thankfully, everything fell right into place.

The huge ads on our New Year's Day pages also helped me wrap up our section early.

After the procession at St Mary's, I visited my godson (choirmate's new baby) and dropped a late gift.

Count down at Kuya Fred's house tuned in to Channel 4 FM was fun. The wide-screen projector at their place (which will soon also be mine) offered a new meaning to the idea of home entertainment.

Kuya Fred's family are leaving for the UK soon. (I stayed with them for more than a year before I moved out when their family got bigger).

Their kids were quite happy with the little stuff I brought for them.

The only misgivings I had about the New Year bash was the unusually unbearable traffic and road rage (the roads were littered with people in a hurry to get somewhere).

Maybe its because everyone — Muslim, Hindu, Christian and Jew (if there are any around here at all) - were out on the streets trying to catch a party somewhere, or just driving around clueless where they want to go.

Ate left-over cakes and sinigang with Jun... in the morning and showed up for work in the afternoon. The Turkish dessert (made of baked oats, rice and milk) I had with two colleagues who asked me out for a quick New Year Sheesh Kebab for themselves was not so bad.

I hope the move to a new place would bring a new dimension to my life this year. It's such a stressful experience to have to move out again. Make one feel the permanence of temporariness that goes with living outside one's real home.

Damn it

2004-12-29T16:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there are things you just can't help.

Like making a phone call to someone you've been trying not to call for the longest time.

Which is exactly what I did.

When you can't hold out any longer, either you do as your heart bids or a tsunami would wash you away.

Call it the stupid, death of pride, a turnaround. Anything you want. But I've realised there's nothing one can do when his heart, not brain, does the talking.

Besides, you can't really run away from where you've always started. You just come full circle.

Tuesdays

2004-12-29T02:01:00.000-08:00

Tuesday Vargas struck me as a down-to-earth person. She was in Dubai for a one-night gig at one of the big hotels here, where there's a mainstay Filipino band.

I didn't go watch the show, just traded ideas with her at the presscon.

Tuesday, a film major from CMC, had some incisive, straight-from-the-shoulders comments about the Philippine movie industry's lethargic state.

She says producers' total devotion to movies that have "mass appeal" (to cater to parochial taste of Filipinos) but little universal theme is one of the reasons why only a few Filipino movies make a name in the international scene.

I'm sure tuesday she trying to fashion herself as a self-declared spokesperson of Manila's showbiz industry. Just speaking her mind.

2004-12-28T17:51:00.000-08:00

Hamda, a staff of the bank to where my office forwards my pay, was quite helpful today.

I’ve been postponing plans to go to the bank until finally New Year caught up with me..

* * *

The Stellar puzzle a friend gave me last night has sent my officemates on a brainiac spree, hehe.

This, while trying to beat the deadline.

I’ve finally found out how to unravel it (but didn't show it to them).

The next step: put it back together. Tried once but ran out of time…

Meanwhile, it’s time to hunt for a new place closer to office, hopefully to save a couple of bucks on the rent.

The day freedom was born

2004-12-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

Here I go again.

Blogging for myself, hoping someone somewhere would care to read it someday. It was like any other Christmas, today.

As I left my flat for work, youngsters were debating on TFC whether or not Filipinos should master Shakespeare’s language and throw away our national tongue forever.

A boring non-issue it was.

I felt sorry people waste time yakking away at the utility of being a master of another patois. Our own hero, Jose Rizal, spoke four or five other languages (including Arabic, German, Spanish and French, and some English).

Nobody noticed he also spoke perfect Tagalog. The two novels he wrote in Spanish language has overturned the theocratic rule in the Philippines.

Aren’t people supposed to ape their heroes? Besides, English is no ordinary language. It may been f**ked by the Indians forever, after the Brits f**ked India for more than a century of colonisation.

What’s wrong with learning the machine language of computers and global trade? The closer we get to mastering Shakespeare or C or Java, the better for our dollar reserves.

Yeah, one may always say the Japanese developed without knowing the language of others. That's why we don't expect the Japanese to come up with something akin to the internet.

One little-known bit, however, is that an army of Japanese youngster went to the West to study engineering and other tough disciplines at the turn of the 20th century.

Japan has the Samurai's dedication, a Kimikaze's work ethic, zero tolerance for defect and keeness to detail that has made it something like a floating factory.

But have you ever heard of a Japanese-made software? Cartoons, especially the sleazy types, yes.

Among the guests of the talkshow, I only recognised Tado, who was all for Tagalog. Anyway, the debate was an off-season issue.

Which made my Christmas even more just like any other day, except for the cold that’s been hounding me since the last Simbang Gabi (Dec. 23).
The anticipated masses were held in the biting cold since January 15. I played the keyboards for the Dec. 23 mass… add to that the practices and carolling. A holiday recipe for overstretch.

Except for some warm greetings from colleagues that remind me of what a day it actually is today, it went on almost like any other.

I haven’t visited the gym at Emirates Towers in a long time. Maybe it's time to go swimming again (in temperature-controlled water, I hope, coz it's freezing cold here now).

* * *

I wanted nothing more than a text or a short phone call from someone who seems so near yet so far on Christmas. A curse would still be better than nothing at all.

I guess love has its way of inuring one to its unpleasant attendants. Otherwise, how would married people deal with each other’s quirks until they are grey? The answer can only be love.

But sometimes, you just can’t help it.

Moping is no way to live a good life. You feel cheated, regretful, taken for a ride. Regretting that your heart chose the wrong person and wasted precious youth for nothing.

There’s just no refuge from a broken heart.

But at least one must take consolation from experience, especially if it's a sad one. Delight not in being hurt but in being human, of making one’s own choice, even if wrong, and ultimately taking responsibility for it.

When you deeply love the wrong person, at least you’ll know how to make it right the next time — if there would be one.

The best way to learn a lesson, they say, is to get it wrong — and be wounded deeply — the first time.

I guess life allows everyone a second shot at love.

* * *

Last night, absolution was granted by Bishop Bernard to parishioners who attended the midnight mass. It’s good to know God gives people the chance to have have access to a lifetime of renewal.

* * *

Christmas with the maids

Was just too happy to have found meaning in spending part of my Christmas Eve with the runaway maids at the consulate.

Joy writ large on their faces was palpable. They sang along with a Karaoke and screamed in excitement during the parlour games.

Some 40 runaway maids had the party of their lives.

That party was the perfect little place to find the meaning of Christmas — in others. It was the best I ever came close to forgetting about myself during a season of giving.

As visions of abuse they went through flashed in my mind, I can’t also avoid thinking about a lost love once again.

Enough already!

My mind’s become so mixed up.

These thoughts naturally creep into to my mind like an unwelcome guest.
Guess this is what one goes through when he’s riding the emotional wave, especially when its happening for the first time.

I’m almost always on the verge of crying these days. Maybe the idea of not going this Christmas to prove my heart in invincible was a bad one.

I fear the loss of the love of my youth, the loss of the taste of forever. I don’t like it at all. Enough already. It’s been many months.
But if love never lasts forever, then what’s forever for?

* * *

What a futile effort to resist the urge to read Yeetot’s blog.

I can’t help but feel woozy. Hardened by my own habits, I can only feel nothing but loss — loss of a love that was strong, faithful and true.

(Until I was called a gago over a misunderstanding. I don’t like such labels. For being forced to take an early Christmas only so she could be introduced to someone else. Endless bouts of jealousy, which was all nonsense when seen from the prism of freedom.

* * *

Esther, 25, from Visayas, worked as a housemaid for a family in Ras Al Khaimah for one year before she ran away.

The reason she left, she explained, was her workload. “I worked hard for the money. But I started feeling bad about my work when I was not getting any day-offs and I was not allowed to go out. I wouldn’t have ran away if I’m treated well,” she said.

On Christmas Eve, Esther and 40 other runaways tried to momentarily forget their grief with a Karaoke fest and in-door games at the welfare centre of the Philippine Overseas Labour Office (POLO) here.

The centre, run by a social worker, is part of a network of more than 30 such centres in four continents around the world and a testimony to the Philippines’s status as a leader exporter of housemaids.

A Philippine law mandated the establishment of such half-way houses to ensure runaway Filipina housemaids don’t end up on the streets.

At the centre here, thew mood was festive. Some groups brought native Filipino delicacies, cakes and goodies for the runaways while one group gave phone cards to allow the housemaids to call their families during Christmas.

Three of the housemaids were lucky enough to have obtained from their previous employers their passport and one-way ticket home on Christmas Day.

Merliza Makinano, director of International Labor Affairs Service under Manila’s Department of Labor & Employment (Dole), said the welfare centers only give distressed Filipina maids an option.

With more than 30 overseas welfare centre in four continents, Dole assists some 1.2 million overseas Filipino workers in over 174 nations.

“Our laws require us to have these centers in place... The welfare centers do not encourage housemaids to run away,” said Makinano, who spent the Christmas Eve celebrations with about 40 Filipina runaway housemaids last night.
That number is less than one-half of one per cent of 5,000 estimated housemaids working in the UAE, she said.

It was people at the centre in Dubai who assisted Mary Jane Ramos, who was jailed after being accused of killing her employer who attempted to rape her, but was later acquitted. The post raised the blood money to enable Ramos to return to Manila.

Apart from assisting OFWs, the Polos have also been working aggressively to explore and improve Filipinos' access to employment opportunities especially in Asia and the Middle East.

Some 2,800 Filipino workers who fly out of the country everyday to work overseas, many of them are housemaids.

“In a liberal democracy like ours,” Makinano explained, “the Constitution guarantees the freedom of movement. So you can’t really prevent people from going overseas to work as housemaids. Besides, any ban on the deployment of housemaids simply make it worse. People would always find a way around it.”

Weighed down

2004-12-24T17:50:00.000-08:00

Getting over the things that weigh you down isn't easy.

You entertain all sort of histrionics.

Here's one of the things that crossed my mind: why not spark an office affair with someone who might be a good girlfriend material?

The more I think about it, though, the more I get numb.

First, that would have violated my rule about office affairs — that they’re professionally unhealthy.

When two consenting adults capitalise on the incidental proximity (daily) they have toward each other because of work, it’s a relationship based on convenience, not love.

When there’s almost no effort involved for them to see each other, it’s also cheap. Not that office affairs do not happen.

It does happen -- between a boss and an underling or between colleagues.

This made me think: Since I won't be the first nor the last, why not join the bandwagon?

And it's also not the first time two people who profess different creeds fell in love.

It’s just a bonus she happens to be just around the bend.

Meanwhile, the mental debate lingers... and it goes on like a broken record.

Still nothing.

Maybe I'll get over it. Maybe I won't. We'll see.

Pipe dream

2004-12-16T01:05:00.000-08:00

What happens when oil runs out?

The answer: It may not run out as soon as everyone expects; and, by then, the world may need more oil anyhow.

The reason is jet engines cannot fly on coal, and hydrogen-powered aircraft are still years away.

“People are talking about oil prices pushing $100 a barrel, double the current prices,” Stephen J. Reilly, an official with an oil-spill control company based in Connecticut, said.

“It takes only $3 or $4 per barrel to pump the oil from the ground or under the sea in this part of the world.”

Reilly was one of the visitors at the recent Offshore Arabia conference in Dubai.

Prices, he said, depend on supply and demand as well as geopolitics.

While alternative energy sources, such as solar power or hydrogen, have proved their worth, their use is not as pervasive as greens would have it.

He said the shift to alternative energy sources requires a different mindset.

“More Americans are still buying gas guzzling 4x4s. The soccer moms go around in their big suburbans. Detroit is still churning out millions of SUVs.
“According to some industry projections, by the year 2020, the global demand for oil could triple.

“I was in Shanghai a few weeks ago, and cars have replaced bicycles, which were still popular during my last visit two years ago. There’s a similar trend in India,” he said.

Former US President Bill Clinton, in a recent visit to Dubai, said diversifying sources of income in the region “is a special task at a time when the world is switching to alternative sources of energy”.

Marc Faber, an economist who predicted the US stock market crash in 2000, thinks oil prices could hit $100.

Oil prices reached more than $130 in 1936, $80 in the early 1980s, but stayed mostly in the $30 a barrel range at the end of the 1990s.

While science has sought other ways of running engines, hydrogen-powered cars or aircraft are much too expensive compared to their petrol-powered siblings.

More than 200,000 hybrid electric-petrol cars, which run for 60 kilometres a gallon, are sold each year, and 100,000 of these are sold in the United States.

That, however, is a small number considering that Toyota and GM, the world’s top carmakers, roll out more than 2.5 million cars a year.

The Scramjet, which uses hydrogen to propel an object to four or five times the speed of sound, has been proven theoretically possible in recent experiments. To propel a Scramjet to that speed, however, it has to piggy-back on a reconfigured B52 that runs on petroleum.

“There’s no viable substitute for oil right now. The hydrogen fuel economy remains an expensive pipe dream,” Reilly said.

To highlight the importance of oil — or shielding their countries from its shocks — India, China and even Russia — are trying to follow America’s lead.
The United States keeps 700 million barrels of strategic petroleum reserves at any given time — 17 million were used in the 1991 Gulf War and 30 million in 2000.

It is refilled from oil produced in the United States or sourced directly from producers and stored in three heavily guarded underground reservoirs buried in salt shafts. Even that reserve would only last 35 days because the United States consumes 20 million barrels of oil a day, a quarter of the world’s daily consumption.

Reilly said higher oil prices could stunt world economic growth and accelerate the viability of alternative sources of renewable energy, such as solar, wind and hydrogen.

BOX
Factors affecting oil prices:
– China and India need more oil in the short and long term. Demand for petroleum is expected to triple by 2020.
- Liquid Natural Gas, an alternative fuel, is cleaner than petroleum and cheaper to recover, but costlier to process.
– If Venezuela sorts itself out, the oil price will go down. Political instability in Iraq is also a factor.
- Russia holds significant oil and gas reserves and big oil companies are investing heavily in its oil sector, but it will take a while for this to have a major impact.
– Prices for the Prius with a 1.5-litre hybrid engine running for more than 25 kilometres per litre (60 miles per gallon) on both electricity and petrol still hovers at about the $22,000 mark, while a hybrid Honda Accord retails for about $30,000.
- Statistics by the Kuwait-based Organisation of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries (Oapec) showed the Arab region’s recoverable crude oil deposits have increased by 23.5 billion barrels to 654.87 billion barrels at the end of 2003, from 631.3 billion barrels at the end of 1999.
– The revised estimates of oil reserves came even though Arab states have pumped in excess of 36.5 billion barrels during that period, according to the 11-nation Oapec.

Office affair

2004-12-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

Temptations come, temptations go.

They manifest in the most natural settings. Like the office.
Sometimes I thought maybe I should give it a try — before my youth (or what's left of it) runs out.

Sometimes, you are tempted to start one, especially if there's a willing "victim". There's this one girl, a georgeous and healthy maiden, who won't exactly fit that bill. I don't know what's she's up to.

But she's okay, Ms. Universe material, except that her creed probably won't allow her to stand wearing skimpy suits for all the world to see.

Just looking at her sometimes make me feel better. We'd even trade glances and hi's. At times I catch her looking my way and we end up winking each other's eyes in acknowledgement.

I don't know what that means to her. But I'm quite happy and contented it's all there is to it. I didn't even know her family name until I read her byline in another section. I don't know where she came from. She's just a wonderful sight to behold and nothing else.

She sits a few cubicles away... But once she sat right next to me while talking to another colleague nearby. Felt shy to butt in, no matter how I wanted to. So I just hammered away at my keys.

Maybe I was not particularly excited about striking up a conversation or was never bothered really by her strong presence either.

Or maybe I'm in denial of how powerful that moment was. Perhaps, in my refusal to acknowledge that she's quite attractive, I'm passing off a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

That's the only time we ever came close to each other. And how will I know if there could have been "us" which would have made my life different if I'm too diffident to make a move?

She's alright... tackling women's issues, a pretty sensitive one in this part of the world in one of her stories.

But it's one thing I never really believed in, office affairs.

It's convenient, but it's also cheap.

Being emotionally attached to someone in the same line of work could create many complications professionaly, I think, especially if you work for the same paymaster.

First off, your judgement is clouded. No preaching here. It creates an unhealthy environment. Another thing is the difference of creed.

Yet again, it's convenient — and cheap because dating is not a problem. You see each other everyday. Which could also make it boring.

But different folks, different strokes, as they say. Others may see it differently.

Problemang pinoy

2004-12-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Got a call from Noel Sebetero, 39, from Central Victorias, in Negros Occidental. Someone from the consulate referred me to him. Baka daw may maitulong ako sa kanya. Noel does not have a mobile phone but used his colleague's phone 050-3532569.
Such calls happen at least once a week.
He walked into the consulate earlier with a complainant then called me to seek advise. Noel arrived from Manila in Dubai on Nov. 27.
He worked as a tailor in Saudi Arabia for six years.
His new employer in Dubai, a Lebanese man, apparently had made promises he didn't keep, or which he is now denying.
"Ayaw niyang ibigay (reimburse) ang airline ticket ko," according to Noel.
He arrived on employment visa. Borrowed 300 from friends (apparently, he had lost all his savings) to buy $290 one-way ticket to Dubai.
But his story is quite murky. I asked to write down the circumstances instead before I could dispense any advice.
He just wants to go back home. The ticket reimbursement was promised by the recruiter in Manila.
"Ngayon itinatanggi ng amo dito. Wala raw siyang sinasabing ganun."
Noel also complained of poor working and living conditions.
"Out of my salary of Dh1,050, I have to pay for the electricity and water consumption. Pero since wala kaming pera, nag-iigib na lang kami ng inumin sa labas, sa isang mosque na malapit dito sa accomodation namin (Al Qusais district).
"Gusto ko sanang ipa-cancel na lang ang visa ko. Ang passport ko, hawak ngayon ng amo.
"Mas mahirap pala ang sitwasyon dito kesa sa Saudi. Dun, kahit papano, fair ang labanan dun.
Ang tanong nya sakin: "Kung gusto ko nang umuwi, ano ang gagawin ko? Hinihingan nila ako ng pambayad ng bond."
"Pumunta ako sa Labour Ministry para magtanong kung papano pwede ipa-cancel ang aking visa.
"Pito kaming dumating, isang accountant, secretary, auto-CAD operator, welder. Sila, hindi nagreklamo.
"Dalawa college ko sa Pilipinas. Di ko alam ganito pala ang sitwasyon dito. Mababa ang sweldo, tapos pangit ang trato sa amin.
Kaya nag-decide na lang akong uuwi.
Ako lang nag-decide magreklamo.
Pinagbabayad ako ng security bond.
Salary Dh800, plus Dh250 living allowance.
Pagdating namin, binigyan kami ng Dh200 pambili ng pagkain at personal effects. Pero paubos na rin un.
***
Istoryang malabo, di kumpleto at di alam kung saan patungo. So I asked him to put it down in writing para buo ang kwento para kung maayos ang takbo.
Karamihan ng mga ganitong reklamo, di malinaw ang kwento.
Dapat din itanong sa employer nya kung ano ba talaga ang tunay na score.

Minsan, ang mga Pinoy, pumupunta lang dito nang di alam kung ano talaga ang kanilang papasukan.

Marami dyan, baka sakali lang. Baka swertehin. Baka mabait ang amo...

Bakit naman ako pa ang sasanggunian ng mga ganitong tao? Akala nila ako magbibigay ng kalutasan sa kanilang problema.

Pero okay lang. Kung nakakarinig ka ng problema ng ibang tao, dapat magpasalamat ka dahil mas magaan ang problema mo kesa sa kanila.

Minsan kasi, tama nang pakingkan mo lang ang kanilang hinaing kahit wal kang maibibigay na agarang solusyon. Kailangan lang ng tao na may nahihingahan na kanilang masamang kalooban.

Pero ako, walang mahingahan... naglalakbay ang isip sa kung saan-saan.

Naghahanap na mapunuan ang aking buhay ng kulay na nanggagaling sa pagpili na may kalayaan.

Future speak

2004-12-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

What would the Arab world look like in the year 2020?

That's the main riddle of the Arab Strategy Forum, which kicked off today.

The answer, according to Shaikh Mo, Dubai's Sandhurst College-educated Crown Prince, lies within.

In Shaikh Mo's book, a prosperity, freedom and development is within the grasp of Arabs. But they first have to deal with their own problems in a new way. Old notions must be discarded. The victim culture must be thrown away.

In short: work hard, kick bad habits — especially dependence on oil which makes them fat, lazy and happy (oil accounts for only 7% of Dubai's GDP nowadays).

Time and CNN recently voted Shaikh Mo, who is also the UAE's defense minister, No. 8 among 25 top business figures in the world.

That distinction came not as a result of remote-control operation, but hands-on management. He also prescribes throwing away cynicism that there's a Western conspiracy at every turn designed to keep Arabs ignorant, divided and easy to control.

Tackling the challenges posed by a fast-shrinking world also calls for a merit-based system. He fell short of saying that tribalism must also be done away with.

Incidentally, Bill Clinton was also in the same forum.

As expected, he dished out the same platitudes during his 30-minute speech (for which he reportedly earned $200,000 or a cool $6,666 per minute). His ethos, I was told, are based on what in his own parlance is called ‘triangulation’.

It's an art he pioneered -- and used to the hilt -- during his eight years at the White House. Triangulation means taking two opposing sides at the negotiating table (say, by making the Palestinians and Israelis feel as if he stood by their side) while also presenting a "third dimension."

I don't know how Bishop Aringarosa would make sense of all that... Clinton seems to have mastered the art of being both here and there while also being elsewhere.

But the prospect of meeting Tom Friedman, the celebrated NYT columnist, might offer interesting insights into how to make money from dishing out dung (most of the time anyway).

Jingling

2004-12-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

It's time for Christmas carols once more. How many times in your life must you sing ‘Jingle Bells’ or ‘Silver Bells’ before you've had enough of Christmas?

Having seen 33 Christmases before, I guess I'll never tire of it. That's just a drop in the bucket compared to more than 2,000 holidays the Christian world has celebrated in the past.

How long will parents lie to their children about Santa Claus? Guess they never will. Because lying somehow buys parents some peace from an other rowdy bunch of offspring.

Singing Christmas songs is fine. But the new keyboard gives me the creeps. Or maybe it's the way the pre-recorded songs were stored.

Some are on the internal memory, some on diskettes (unlabelled). But it's a welcome change from the previous keyboard, which had been put in semi-retirement. The number of octaves in the new one is the same, but the controls are a lot funkier. I guess it takes some getting used to, this new toy.

My choirmates haven't really lost their spurs. Singing at the Burj Al Arab, the world's most luxurious hotel, for two days (Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day) won't be such a bad idea to make mid-life memories.

My role? Nothing to do with singing, though. It's just to find the accompaniments stored on diskettes and relax when the choir starts jingling along.

Amazing grace

2004-12-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

What happens when you found out you had extra money in your wallet and you don't know how it happened?

I'm not exactly sure where the extra sparkling 500 dirhams came from. Last time I checked, I was down to one Dh500, a couple of Dh100s and a few smaller bills.

I'm a penny pincher. So I ‘feel’ exactly what's inside my wallet. But this extra Dh500 is one of those miracles. But the two Dh500s? How did the extra Dh500 got in there?

It just makes me happy to realised that when one opens up his heart to others in need, God will reward him ten-fold. Just like that.

And that's exactly what happened. Yesterday, Friday, there was a second collection during the Tagalog mass (for which the choir sang). I happily gave what my heart felt was I must give.

On the night between Friday and today, I dropped the clothes gathered from my closet which I left in my car as well as from friends in a faraway accomodation at the door of Fr Zaki's office. This was meant for the flood victims. By then the church was already empty of any earthly creatures.

After a slow drive-by, I thought of delivering the goods the next day. But I noticed the front gate was left half-open (undergoing repairs?). So I drove into the courtyard through the small opening, and went up to the same spot where I'd ask my mother for many things in the past.

The answer, which was quite unexpected, came the very next day.

It's weird. It's a miracle. It's true.

Life and work

2004-12-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

Wrote something that was erased as I was uploading. Tough luck with my first attempt to join the ranks of canned bloggers.

What if.

2004-11-19T21:20:00.000-08:00

[DUNNO WHERE THIS CAME FROM, BUT IT SURELY SOUNDS GOOD]

If only

If you could just think before taking another step into your life…
To pause and trace along the edges of the people you might become

It’s a dangerous thing to live in regret
To want so desperately to become someone else, anyone else
That you start to lose your real self — flawed as that person might be.

Life is fading out.
There is hardly anything at all
His life is suddenly a large, empty house, with each vacant room waiting to be furnished.
His made-up wife, his invented father, his pretend childhood. He wonders if it is possible to unlie yourself.

We sometimes laugh or cry at how random life is — no matter how well planned.
But life is a but a big olympics
Where people plays the ‘what if’ game.

Thinking how the doors in your life are shutting, options closing
Makes you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

Nov. 2004

2004-11-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

14.15.04/16-11-04
call m wat u want. Unlike u, I can take it all. Wat I wont take s ur excuse tat twas pure refusal 2 ans coz of fon bills. If it was, den I cant axpt dat ud rard rejct 101 cals dan pik up evn just once 2 say helo. Bas2s ka n u know it.

08.25.08/16-11-04
u sed as by ur haughtiness. M not seeking 4 answers as 2 ur behavior 3 mos back, kc evn u don’t know y u acted lyk dat. Did dat 2 m wo a valid reason watsoevr. I dnt beliv its not wanting 2 pay 4 cals. Its somthn else, but d hel it matrs now.

08.18.08/16-11-04
ang kapal mo talaga no?I was goin to ask something lng sana, something abt a job ofer there, bt in ur cowardice, u wudn’t answer ur fon. Maling mali ka 2 think wat u thot, dat ur bloated fear of getting cursed wud b realised. M not affectd so much by wat u

18.45.04/14-11-04
Wel, ur showing oderwise, thanks for the compliments, btw ;)

09.28.33/14-11-04
I know Im a bitch – iv called mself dat b4, havn’t I? I know it, I claim it, I axept it . e U? d mo matanggap wat u r, n bastos kang gago.y dos dat pierce ur gut so? Bakt k n denial? Bitr? S dat rly how u wnt 2 b @ 34?? I really hop u heal.

09.28.33-14-11-04
I know Im a bitch—iv called myself dat b4, havn’t I? I know it, I claim it, I axpt it. E u? d mo matanggp wat u r, n bastos kng gago. U dos dat pierc ur gut so? Bkt ka in denial? Bitr? S dat realy how u want to 2 @34? I rly hop u heal.

09.11.59/14-11-04
whoa,afraidAND afcted! Nyahaha, sabi n nga ba e. cge pa, murahin mo pa ko. Ilabas mo lahat mong galit! Just goes to show ur softer than u show. Wc disproves ur pagpapanggap na ayaw mong makipagmurahan.e kaw naman ang sanay dun!

02.12.37/14-11-04
Cge pa,hurl mor of wat u got! Do it while u hav d chance. Soon enuf, d big coward n u wil take ovr & ul clam up al over agn. & then wat? Next thing u know, life’s pasd u by. Kya my unsolicited advice s, LIVE! Sna sumaya k na rin.

02.05.30-14-11-04
Urname S synonymous wd gago&bastos. It cud be a Webster entry! And no, we r not even. U had more investment, which u had no qualms of throwing away & losing. Just 1 of the many things u were wrong about…so wrong.

01.03.08/14-11-04
Tough talk, tough talk..Bt w knw its diff nsyd!Tsk,tsk, I was going jst dat. Gud nyt!Or nOt.

00.31.31/14-11-04
M smart, just admit it. & I can as smartass when I want 2. kapal mo 2 sugest id text u coz m lonely huh?! Hel,no. no way! Kya go mit ur deadline na lang! Gudness knows ur life is one big deadline, if not a deadend.

00.13.56/14-11-04
kaya natawa m wen u apologized 4 somethng iv long 4goten abt!& wats really so pathetic is dat di ka nahihiyang makipagaway ovr something that u will own up to din naman later on..nakakatawang nakakainis! U misd d mark completely.AY mali.

00.05.16/14-11-04
No things r perfectly fine and dandy, actually, I was going 2 ask something, which been planning 2 since last nyt. And w know y I can expect an answer 2 it now! Y do u think ur saying shit matters 2 me? It another thing I have an issue with u, doh!

23.23.40-13-11-04
and2 apologise 4 things ur inclined to acknowledge belatedly. Coz its pathetic ok? Wala ka rin karapatan,btw, 2 judge wat I feel for another, coz u weren’t wise enough 2 discern the same even wen it was still u n his shoes.

23.22.45/13-11-04
OMG, u missed the sarcasm, I cant believe it! Ganyan ka na ba ka-dense ngayon?? I was ryt to got away!&d same habit? Wat, cursin?m mouth is as lovely and clean as it was b4 you wreaked havoc in my life, thank u. now don’t go writing 2 fish info & 2

23.22.08/13-11-04
What I don’t understand is how som1 can be so scared of expletives dat aren’t common,how a guy can reject dat many calls fr his gfrend he supposedly wants to make right by, and cal it pangungulit wen all she wanted was to talk to him, kahit sya pa magbayad,wc she did.

22.52.11/13-11-04
la ka naman karapatan magreklamo kung ayaw ktang makausap dahil d n rin naman tayo>ryt! Now y didn’t I think of dat? E kahit nung tyo pa nga ganyan ka na kalala mambastos d b?? kaya nga d na tayo e! XQS na lng d memory lapse. It happens

22.45.08/13-11-04
Pero a helo is beyond u, isn’t it? Kc ur so chicken 2 face ur fears. Cursing is something ur more in d habit of doing dan I am. Grabe ang topak mo! Il be happy to return 2 the peaceful way of things b4 ds. Jus crawl back into ur hole and rot der! Sus!

22.39.34/13-11-04
Wala ka na dun how we conduct ourselves. Ang sakin lang, is that maybe u cud at least exercise some courtesy, coz after d incident wd all those rekected calls which ended it definitely, I still had d decency to answer 2 of ur calls and uttered @ least a helo, didn’t I?

21.54.25/13-11-04
Yes, coz how cud droping call but texting immediately 2 explain b bastos compared to rejecting 101 calls n an hour? And for wat?? Grabe, educ8d ppol can really b barumbado sometyms. Sana may mate-take ng ng kabastusan mo!

19.40.04/13-11-04
I was actually starting to feel friendly. I wasn’t out 2 curse you, not kanina or wen u thot I would b4. but u had to do ur brand of kabastusan agn, which is really wats so insulting. Ibang klase ka talaga. Napapailing ako! My MOR isn’t like u @ all!

13.38.37/13-11-04
Ang tigas pa rin ng mukha mo ano? Kala mo kung cnong gwapo! Bakt ayaw mong sumagot? Bakit ka natatakot? May itatanong lang sana ako dat has nothing to do with wat went down btwn us whatsoever. Pro as isa kang malaking duwag, nvr mind.

Freeze brained

2004-10-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

Mayeetot,

I've been thinking what cuss you wanted to utter to my ears. I froze at the thought that you'd actually PI me.

I wouldn't have had the courage to say the same words back to you. I didn't want to.

Of course, I'm no saint. I also cuss. And I'm profusely sorry I told you sh*t. I should have done this -- apologize -- a long time ago, but I never meant it in my heart... uttered "shit" in jest. May it's one thing that would take me a lifetime to be sorry for.

But a lesson, once learned and never forgotten, is progress.

Maybe it was me who started a relationship that makes blithe use of rank language at the slightest provocation. Or by force of habit. But I never really wanted to hammer out differences by cussing. I don't believe for a minute it's a proper way of communicating.

Effective communication can sometimes take place through the nearness of silence (to borrow a line from a familiar song). And I always believed time has its way of healing wounds.

I also believe you'd find a match of a lifetime, as sure as you've been praying for one.

And I'm sure he'll be someone you can be proud of, someone you don't have to hide from your relatives, cousins, your dad.

Someone whom you need not "train" into accepting dropped or cut calls, and accept the fact that cutting an overseas call is part of the whole age-gap equation.

I did compose at least one long letter (my understanding of the relationship between love and freedom) and some text messages for you which I opted to simply keep close to my heart. They're not cusses.

Maybe you'll find one great and true love — warts, cusses and all — in the most unexpected places.

I do hope to find the same except for the cusses, if it's something I can do without.

But I don't think I'll ever find one anytime soon. Not through my own efforts. I guess she will just come. I need to go back to basics, by trusting God with all my might in everything I wish to happen.

I do browse through clickthecity.com. The book reviews (which I presume were all written by you) are pretty good. I can tell you're having a whole lotta fun in your work. I mean, getting paid to watch a movie or a gig is one good way to spend the prime of your life, isn't it?

Thanks for being a part of me, Mayee. I've been trying not to send this to you. But ours was one great love, whose crests and drops beat the most exciting roller-coaster ride in the world.

But I have come to accept that courage means never being afraid to lose what's never meant to be.

Have fun in new your new-found world and take care.

P.S.

Sid Ventura is a friend of mine, if he stills remember me. He knows Sam and Leo too. Send my regards to him.

You exchanged text messages pala with my mama. So what was it about? She never clarified things with me. She texted me lang about it, saying you asked her about the Kasanggayahan Festival.

Wonders of love

2004-08-31T20:05:00.000-07:00

Staring at the silence of my room
Listening to the beat of my heart
(My weary heart)
Bouncing off the colorless walls
All these days and nights
I’ve been thinking of you

Love is a wonderful thing indeed
It knows no bounds, no creed
In the exercise freedom
Love is a living spring
a song, a beat for
a lonely spirit
that has lost its sense of rhythm

Ref: 1

I’ve seen the face of love
A gift from above
That came oh so sweet
It’s a magic it’s a miracle
It borders on the impossible
Brings rhythm to my feet

I just wanna sing to you
Coz baby I’ve been dreaming of you
And all the silly things that I do
I love you today, baby I will stay
Till the countless tomorrows.

Ref 2:

I’ve seen the face of love
It’s a magic, it’s a miracle
It borders on the impossible
Brings music to my heart

An agonising month

2004-08-29T01:26:00.000-07:00

[MUST WORK ON THIS TEXT SOME MORE]
I’ve done their CVs. Got them groceries and even bought anti-biotics for Jane, one of the victims of this prostitution racket at the Pharmacy next to the Union Cooperative Society, on Trade Centre Road, in Dubai's Karama Area.

The only thing I asked from Jane is to pray for our pharmacy business which we’re starting with my brother in the Philippines.

Just a few minutes ago, I sent this SMS to my boss: “Uztaz, I have on tape just today 1 Filipino guy, Gener, ex-embassy staff now working for Al Wasl Travel accusing Gulf News of offering the prostitution victims money so they would give us the story. That’s a grave lie.

This Gener is making money from the girls and has solved complaints n d past by simply jst sending numerous other victims home. I’m playing tape in my car. Name of 1 victim is Loida, 8702605.”

Earlier this afternoon, I got a call from Lt Ahmed, a young cop with the investigation team of Dubai Police, asking me to show up at their office at either 10am or 11am tomorrow, August 30.

As to the exact time, I am not sure.

Neither am I sure as to exact reason for the "invitation".

I presume it has something to do with the prostitution case I asked them to solve and wrote about.

Anyway, I told my boss, Duraid (UAE News Editor), about the invite. Initially he said: “Don’t go. If the police want any of our journalists for a story, their chief must first write our Editor-in-Chief.

It was Duraid, with blessings from the EIC, Abdul Hamid, a funny man and veteran Emirati journalist, who asked me to write the story.

“But Brig. Khamis Mattar Muzheina asked me not to write about it, because it’s bad for the image of Dubai,” I protested.

End of conversation.

"Write it anyway," said Duraid. He and the EIC probably believed Dubai’s heart is big enough to embrace this kind of reality.

I hope they are right. Because right now, at about 1.25am, I still haven’t got the foggiest as to why I’m being called by the inner sanctum of the Police intelligence unit here.

Of course I must face this once-in-a-lifetime challenge.

Courage does not mean the absence of fear, but going for it even if one does not know what lies ahead.

I must be ready to say my truth. And I will.

I always believed my truth would be safe and secure in Dubai.

Its justice system is fair.

If the Western justice system is out to establish the truth and the American justice system seeks to establish guilt, I think the UAE’s jusctice system, Dubai in particular, seeks to treat the guilty party with utmost lenience.

Petty criminals here are treated with kid gloves, though it’s a different story when it comes to convicted drug peddlers and rapists -- or other hardened criminals.

I think the courts would act responsibly and with utmost care.

Anyway, Anna Marie Balderama (a 17 year old who used her sister Antonette’s passport), one of the girls whom I’ve accompanied to the police (after a friend told me about their situation some days ago), reversed her statement.

I suspect she was coached by her handlers, Venus and Cherry. I suspect a certain “Kuya Boyet” and Gener also fed her tall tales to get back at me and Gulf News.

She accused me, among other things, of verbally threatening her, that one of the girls is my girlfriend, that Gulf News offered them jobs and payment if they’d complain.

All these claims, of course, preposterous and would not hold any water in any forum.

I was caught in this web of lies by accident. Before this interesting journey started, I was reluctant to help the girls.

It was during the third week of July 2004 when I learned about the problem of the runaway prostitution victims from Larry, a man who has also fed me information for a story on illegal recruitment victims.

Their house in Deira has been turned into a virtual refugee house for people of this sort. Dunno how they really bump into them.

The girls said their two “Mama Sangs” (Tagalog for pimp), Venus (aka Hayat/Judilyn Cabantog) and Cherry have been threatening to tip off the police that they’ve ran away.

Marissa, one of the victims who arrived on July 20, escaped two days later from the flat at 6am, even before she was actually pimped away to the regular customers of Venus and Cherry in Abu Dhabi.

After her escape, Venus has repeatedly told Loida, Rhia, Jane -- and the other girls who were still not sent home then (including Jeanna and Marichu) -- that she (Venues) already filed a police report about the escape of Marissa.

Before we complained to the police, the girls were alternately crying and laughing. I wanted to test their resolve... I wanted them to be sure of themselves, that I was not dealing with a big BS just to help them get out of a rut.

Earlier, the girls told me they were also introduced to Cherry’s boyfriend whom they claimed was an agent of the CID. So the girls were terrified. If it were true, then we're dealing here with a mafia involving some cops.

We'll be banging our heads against the wall. They simply didn’t know what to do. Neither did I.

They pestered me with calls. Constantly asking for help.
I tried to ignore them initially because I didn't want to get involved.

But what the heck. Larry, whom I’ve worked with in a previous case, gave my mobile number to these girls.

The Mama Sangs had been asking the girls to join them to shift their “business” to Abu Dhabi since there had been reported raids in prostitution dens in Dubai.

The girls didn’t want to go with the pimps. But they were afraid of them. They were promised work as waitresses in Dubai.

They held on to that promise... and gave placement fees.

This was the time when I mentioned the problem to my editor again.

I asked for help from Mona Ahmed (+971 50 8550606), an Emirati female colleague who has been generating scoops in the health beat, to talk to the Mama Sangs, since I didn’t really want to get myself involved.

I asked Mona to ask the Mama Sangs to leave the girls alone.

Mona apparently had direct contacts with Brig. Muzheina.

After I told her and Duraid about he situation, she rang up the general. It was during that conversation when the general told her tales about people passing themselves off as CID operatives to make money from illegal alcohol vendors or ordinary people who are gullible enough to fall victim to these hat tricks.

Brig. Muzheina told Mona about two men who had been exotorting Dh500 per week from an underground alcohol trading in one rickety apartment in Deira. It turned out the “CID” men were overstaying Iranians – who were deported together with the enterprising Indian trader.

When Mona told me this story, I was still apprehensive.

But the general said the victims have "nothing to fear".

The next thing I knew, Mona was telling me to accompany the victims to the general’s office before 9am the following Saturday (Friday is a weekend in the UAE, like in most Muslim countries) and look for another Mona, Muzheina’s secretary who was the classmate of Gulf News’ Mona Ahmed.

Naturally, I had to give the victims company. But I had no intention to write the story.

All these happened with the knowledge of Consul General Generoso Calonge, the charge d’affaires at the Philippine Embassy in Abu Dhabi (Amb. Libran Cabactulan was on sick leave after a mild stroke) and Vic Cabe, the Labour Attache in Dubai.

Duraid, when he learned CID had called me for questioning over something, he asked for the officer’s number and rang him up. He told the Lt. Ahmad the procedure is for the Police Chief to first a letter to our Editor in Chief.

I don’t know why Lt Ahmad gave me another missed call yesterday aftertoon.

I also have competitors who can weave dirty stories about Gulf News. But that’s competition for you.

Hope something good happens tomorrow. I think that something interesting is about to happen to my journalistic career before I push 34. Ah, but journalists take their professional glory when get in trouble.

I’m bringing a paperback of Black Hawk Down, just in case the cops ask me to stay for a day or a couple of days. Staying in jail for a while would be a break from the daily deadlines, which is more torturous somehow.

War and Remembrance

2004-08-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

UdntWNArgrtIT4evr?OH,BTuWILL. SNBIkoDNun,dB?KAWlngE. UnvrBLVDm,WATi2LDu. InvrCHTDonU,nvrDDanythnUdidnt LYKxcptWTCHflmsALONE.SuMDMIakongAYW. IdntLYKdatUdrnk,datUwer2

focusdONurFAM,datUhadUGLYdmndingFRIENDS, datUddntPAYenufATNTNwenURaway. 2topDAToff,uWNTzipmouthedONm4aWHOL2MOS. BTwenUgotHIR,wat?IwsWILNG2givITanodrGO,IthotITdservdDAT.

Will I ever regret it forever? The loss of my BB?
Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.
Maybe I'm haughty. But maybe I'm right. Whatever regrets the future might bring, there’s one thing I’m sure of right now: I have learned my lesson. And learned it well.
I learned in freedom of choice, a dialogue among equals. This is key to recognizing the gems you have in the other. Or those gems you're looking for against the crap that goes with it.
Two people in love will know those nuggets of gold in their conversations, but especially in their silence.
But the extremism by which you sometimes verbally assaulted me during those dialogues (or fights, especially when you’re enumerated my flaws).
I accept my flaws like my skinned knees and skid marks.
But I'm also entitled to run for cover in my silence — and take stock of where the fire is coming from.
Your subsequent reaction was a form of refusal to recognise my introspective streak.
Or maybe I was reluctant to lovingly accept your possession of intercontinental ballistic missiles as part of the package I had in you — both the ecstatic moments as well as the nukes.
Looking back may also offer insights into this question (of living a lifetime of regrets).
Having a girlfriend in Jeddah was never in my agenda when I left Manila in 1995.
I just wanted to escape from a traffic-clogged city.
My life went from one filled with brimming enthusiasm resignation.
I thought Manila's intolerable traffic jams were a magic formula for a retrograde life.
Add to that the first-hand encounters with corruption.
Having seen the face of greed up close and personal, I didn’t know how to react.
My wonderful journalistic stint in Manila was a race to mediocrity, working for a paper I thought would eclipse everybody else in circulation because of its gung-ho team.
The paper never took off or shed off the perception of being Lucio Tan's mouthpiece or a front of Juan Enrile, one of the Harvard-educated henchmen of the tyrannical Ilocano from Batac.
I coasted along during a period of optimism, when the mass consumers were able to possess cellular phones for the first time, and the islands were linked together by VSATs.
At least there was something that’s going right with my country.
But my prospects weren't so good, including my work – and the traffic mess.
My mother suggested that maybe, I should go find my place under the sun somewhere else.
A job prospect in Singapore didn't pan out. I welcomed the Jeddah challenge as a way out of all that — and also especially for its financial rewards. Never mind if I’d become a veritable mercenary. To me it was a chance to learn new things, regain my sense of wonder about the world.
And I was ready for the surprises it may bring.
Little did I know that YOU would be the biggest surprise of all.
I never thought a girl who hasn't really graduated from her Barbie dolls could pull the rug from under my feet.
I never imagined a glimpse of the weakest glimmer of light from inside her room as I drive by from the Bicycle Roundabout would make my heart go off into bursts of gladness.
As of this writing, I realize that I might have lost a pretty bookworm whose image still hangs on my wall.
I may have scuttled the chance to spend a lifetime with the two goody shoes who offered rapturous moments on my days of solitude.
Those were the days, in the unmarked corners of the world, two people were locked up in each other's arms.
Behind the door of your Jeddah flat, under the canopy of giant trees in the campus, nothing else mattered except the presence of us.
I thank you infinitely for those moments, really.
You may never fathom the gladness of heart you brought into my life.
But the surprise I never expected was the extremism by which you reacted to certain situations.
What would you expect from a one-way communication? When two people veers away from a civilized dialogue among equals, how will you arrive at a resolution?
I felt like I was setting myself up to live within the parameters of a game of domination -- all in the name of love.
But maybe that’s just how you were.
And I tried to live with it.
When you’d go ballistics over my friends, I’ve chosen to ignore them when a simple text message from anyone would trigger a nuclear winter from you.
I had to learn to live with your tantrums, realizing that love has more to do with passion, and less about reason.
Reason, however, tells me this you-will-regret-it-for-the-rest-of-your-life warning is part of that same extremism I’ve seen in your reactions over the minor things.
When a situation is blown out of proportion, reactions could also be disproportionately passionate.
You’re capable of hurling the most hurting words at any moment you pick even for the most innocent of situations.
Perhaps, in your passion to inflict hurt on the other, you never cared about what those words would say about your character.
As for me, I’m not entitled to go to the extremes.
And when I did, like when you said I made a mountain out of the Manny#2 molehill, it will be forever cast in stone, never to be forgotten by future generations.
By the way, do you know that a “life” sentence for a capital crime is only good for 25 years, and can be eligible for parole before then for good behavior?
But maybe it’s just your wish that I’ll spend an eternity in living hell on earth for not following the rules of love you’ve written for me.
Yes, but sometimes it’s fun to break some rules.
Life is full of surprises.
Then I shall wait for the next surprise in store fore me.
And I’ll pray like I’ve never done before that it would be in the same order of magnitude of surprise I had from someone like you...
Don’t you think I also deserve to be set free from your curse?

July 2004

2004-07-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

00.31.34/29-07-04
U know what? I don’t believe dat u wer @ d gym. Coz wat wud u b doing der @ 130 n the morning, huh? Not pumpin som iron! Maybe u were pumping someone else. Ur making m so angry. U ddn’t even apologise. U don’t sim to be sory at all. Bahala ka bahala ka.

05.44.29/28-07-04
S inaccessible! Maging sensitive ka naman kung minsan. Nakakapikon n e! ur not only killing m with ur hohum attitutde, ur also killin me with worry. Buti p maghiwalay na lang, kung papahirapan mo lang ako lagi lang ganito! U don’t even apologize for it. Argh!!

05.39.31/28-07-04
ciguro 3p ko lang manggulo, ano? Nakakainis ka na! Wala k na nga dito pilit mo pang pinaparamdam d distance between us! Pano ba yan ngayon, d ko alam pupuntahan ko 4 my interview, and the only person HU can help m, d first person I think of everytime to help me.

05.37.15/28-07-04
Alam mo, ayoko sanang magalit pero pangatlo na to e. sobra k naman! Lagi mo na lang akong pinapahirapan wen it comes to caling u. malay ko ba kung pinatay ka nga jan, e d mo naman sneseryoso my request 4 u to be available on ur fon @ al tymes. Kala mo.

22.41.03/27-07-04
Uy nga pala, wala daw ung reading lolita in Tehran s AEON. Yan kasi u stopped me from getting it when we went there! Ung bookshop sa katips. Wala naa!e 700 lang pa naman un, hardcover na. Sa iba, d paperback costs as mucyh, hu3.

21.14.42/27-07-04
oi pokyo. M watching imelda by myself sa SM. Kaka ung katabi kong girl, nagmamagaling, bwat reaction nya ay binubroadcast, ang ingay-ingay. Hay naku. 2m iv an interview at a PR co. buti na lang hapon kung di id havta stand it up!

02.54.03/17-07-04
I just cant belive ma thinks I’m madamot. I bought her clothes for mother’s day when I got my grad gifts, except from them… I paid for movie tickets when we watched. Twice. I give naman pag merong ibibigay a? gues she forgot na. And maybe becoz it’s not a lot. =’(

02.45.49/17-07-04
Pinutol mo ata e? der were 30 secs left before it reached 15 mins. He3. Sabi din ni ma, malapit na daw m maging nanay and when I do il realise al; the things she says. Malapit na,ows?? F ud have ur way lang no… but m not ready. And wer wud ja make me live?

02.07.00/17-07-04
Bakit ganun? Momy thinks pagdadamutan ko ata sya, like when I earn m own keep. How can dat be e she and my dady are always n my plans? D lang nya alam e. d rin nya alam how I want to give herall the monetary gifts I’ll get for my birthday. And how I wanna hug her in bed at night.

00.55.31/17-07-04
Hi pox, prob w momy agan. Ewan ko ba. Il text u later when pwede na tayo talk.

22.08.07/16-07-04
Oi didja call? Wre at loved flock!

05.48.42/16-07-04
I also like MORJAYNE (from Morgaine, hafsis of king Arthur), jayenne. D combinations r many! Nakakatawa ko no? I love makin up names. F m gonna have boys, I want literary names like Guliver, Gallahad, Gawain, Reuel, Mordrd. He3

05.39.09/16-07-04
BB! Been thinking up baby names. I want Gildonna Moreen Skye. Three kami dun! F m gona have a girl with u, she’s be dawnella jaynine frantessa. But then I also want imogen and leola. Guess w should have many! He2. Ako, I wana b ardonna maegan.

04.44.22/15-07-04
BB m still up. Sakit ngipin ko. Kati! Un bang front tooth mo, d ba masisira na? I hope it doest hurt like mine. EJ is making me apply where shes working later at 9am, pro tulog pa me nun e. tsaka don’t wana work w her; nagaaway kami e. amishoopo. yabu

19.47.55/14-07-04
I didn’t give her cash coz she owne me 5.7k. dun na lang isusubtract whatever d amount of my calls to you.. cguro naman d un kukulangin. M tired of living apart too. Ano ba media jobs jan? madami ba advtg and PR agencies? Yoko corp com, or inhouse PR.

01.19.53/14-07-04
I think pwede naman till aug. kahit la ka na muna gift 2 me.. I think what she nieeds it for is the kitchen which she wants done before she leaves 18 august. Or to pay for dady’s cuzns wife. May pagka –6 un e and we’ve been paying interest to her in the last couple of years.

15.03.49/08-07-04
m on the way to abs na po. Bakit d k open ng yahoo account? Ako n lang nag open.

23.23.22/07-07-04
Magagawa mo kayang patayin ako if, hypothetically, I cheated on u?m updating my cv. Wl u send me urs ryt now so I can c the format?

17.36.26/07-07-04
k basta promise ul open ha? Den text me afterwards. Nagulat naman m dun sa pic mo sa cv pge sa ung webby. Tapang ng feezz, sistah! Ayos ang pose!d kaya nainlove dun c pinay?

17.12.10/07-07-04
bb, will u open a new yahu account for m? sobra bagal m conectn e. try these: dmt.corpin,dmt_corpin, donna.corpin,donna_corpin. K? salamas PO.

17.03.07/07-07-04
e mtagal ang connection ko e, send mo na lang email pls. How do ya indicate sa CV marunong ka mag internet? Or better f I put inet user lang?

14.45.11/07-07-04
yes yes yes, nag text din xa ng early. I set up an appointment w d tfc person 2m pm. Tapos m goin to dat hinge media ofc n mkati after.. sana di na ko mahirapan. Il take either if theyl have me.
Niway, I wana go out today, nabuburyong ako e.

03.23.56/07-07-04
Oist!baad mitoy. Behave. Itlip na ang momy e. =p. pro wag ka hanap iba ha. Mas bad un.03.11.36

03.11.36/07-07-04
Lov u, nite.

00.04.57/07-07-04
Hrap din umintindi sa ayaw magpaliwanag. Hay, ewan.

23.08.34/06-07-04
Ta mo! U just stopped texting. Kc ok n, d ba? Dyan ka magaling e. nakakainis din talaga minsan yang pagka non confrontational mo. Parang la kang pakiramdam!

22.36.22/06-07-04
d mo gets un e. para kang patay pag nanjan k. u forget all ur promises. So how am I supposed to fil d2? Wat does it take to text 1st thing in d morning? Gusto mo kac paeasy-easy ka lang. D pwede un. Maghirap ka naman. And by that I mean effort, hidni hrap sa away.

04.21.10/05-07-04
I told you , the least you can do is to talk to me in ur absence. Pro even that u cant do well., u have the gall to hung up! And just coz u didn’t lyk like wat u were hearing/ wers that ati

22.32.54/06-07-04
Para kang bagyong dumaan, ginulo ang sked, buhok, damit ko tapos parang wala nce n umali.s kaya naman parang passing fancy lang din ako, reserve girl, parausan, wathavyu! F m KSP,al d more dat I need attention wen ur away

22.26.08/06-07-04
e bakit pagdating sa awayan nkakareply ka agad, ha?? Kaya aawayin na lang kita lagi..waha2brace urself! Haynaku naman kc, d mo pinararamdam ang sinasabi mong nararamdaman mo! Super showy k nga wen ur here e. Pag alis mo naman, wala na.

22.17.21/06-0704
I soo love tyring w u. its d only time u seem to give a damn, u make m feel ur still alive, and reply agad. M gona do dis mo! Donwory pokyo, d kita gananunin. S u Lang m. kya MAGTEXT k agad@ madalas, OK, para d ka nakakabasa ng ugly messages =p

21.53.14/06-07-04
wat, ur gona do more? Ooh, im scared! What m gonna do sana s just so d score is settled. Pra la na ko ibbato sau. D ba un gusto mo?! Pero f ur planning on doin more, ibang usapan na un. U realize dat f u disgust me, ders no way m gona tie myself 2 u forever?

20.14.03/06-07-04
DNT worry, wne I do it I wont tell you. Or woud u rader that I do? U keep accusing m of cheating on u wen iv never been with another guy on a date ever. Kaw lang kaya gumawa nun, pero sa kin mo binibintang!kya para d k lumabas na lias,ill do it for u.!u’ll c.

17.24.53/06-07-04
HA u think ur da 1 hu tries to understand?? Tigas ng mukha mo a. kaw nga nagsabi u wouldn’t try to get me. Hu gave up before he even tried? Tanggapin mo na lang kc” men aren’t mind readers. Women r, but it doesn’t miean I exist to please u, bow to ur will.

23.27.36/05-07-04
Nauna ka and dats diff. I only did what you did. D mo din kaya maniwala. N innocent ung k Iñigyo. Yes il blame u. coz it will be ur fault if u let it happen. U cant recognize a cry for change when u hear it. Niway it wont be cheating coz I don’t love u niway.

04.21.10\05-07-04
I told you the lieast u can do is to talk to me n ur absence. Pro even that u cant do well. U have d gall to hung up ! and just coz u ddin’t like what u were hearin. Were dat attitude gonna get us?? Best f we don’t talk anymore. Wer only losing respect for each other more and more.

01.04.43/05-07-04
clinD pipes regularly, wehehe. Tapos kwento ni ma, minsan daw nag comment c dad na bakit kaw daw, u landed a gud job.. ewan ko lang kung anong context. Pro positiv naman pakinggan, ano?! Gusto daw sana nya tour kami in two years sa Europe.

01.33.39/05-07-04
Sa sa eng ang hanggang akbay ka la? Hehe. Ako my version.. mya ko na sabihin. Ang interesting kwento ko pala nun b4 ako magalit sa u ay: momy sed 1 time baka ka daw magkaprostate cancer kc matagal na ung binata… ha2, kung alam lang nya dat u.

01.10.14/05-07-04
tsaka libog, pwede mong ipagmalaki, mwahaha. Try to hold on to ur job. F los it now, how are u gonna get ur biz off the ground? Kaw pa naman ang inaasahan nilang mag infuse ng funds, right? Pag sumerldo na ako, ill make u over. Pra masaya.

xxxxxx

18.25.50/05-07-04
BKT ako mageexert ng effort and bend over backward for something I don’t want anymore? D naman kta gugustohin ulit kung do lang gusto mi momy. At kng ang panliligaw mo ang pang-aaway, at pagbibigay ng disappointments 1 after another, wag na lang. Id rather defy my ma.

18.18.35/05-0704
Pro id wager that wont be enough for you to act up. Masaya ka na to just let things happen 2 u instead of u making them happen. U never cud fight for me. A l u know is 2 fight we m. and 2 keep accusing m of having other reasons for rejecting calls. Maybe its type to make those reasons true.

18.18.23/ 05-05-04
Niway y never believe m though my conscience is clear. I don’t cu calls n d middle of them, I reject b4 dey even begin. Bastos ung ina and dat’s what u did. I ext u ryt after rejecting ur call o mollify u. u don’t get guilty when u don’t pick up even if u hear the ring.

18.03.59/ 05-07-04
I mean nothing! Gusting gust kitang saktan ngayon. I never was able to before. Pro cguro, pwede na rin. Di naman kita mahal. And ur bent on not doing anything about it, 2 change it. Tingnan natin kung matatanggap mo un later. F id even giv u d time of day then.

17.57.35/ 05-07-04
w angela, u went out with frends 2 drink. And malay ko wat u and those girls talked about. U dliberatley kept it from me and alam ko, u were talking mirage P nga w manens! And ur parents were pushing u. ung s min in NIGS, biruan lang. Tel me, whc is heavier?

17.53.11/ 05-07-04
pinagpipilitan mong gusto ko s ñgo? Fine, gus2ng gusto ko sya nun. Pra d na ko umiyak, para sumaya naman ako.2 get m mind off u. thing is I never acted on those wants. U did. 1 told u about the things we talk about para pagselosin ka. E kaw? Nauwa ka.

17.30.13/05-07-04
U consntantly let me down na nga, d mo pa ko marespeto. Der r so many things wrong wd this rel, and d gravest s trying to revive it coz u think u still love me (which is a big bold lie) and coz I’m doing it at the bhest of my mother who clearly is the only 1 fond of u.

17.22.06/05-07-04
wana ow up dat what u did s worse. D ko alam why I should stay and deal with that din of treatment, e d naman ako hed over hills w u. ang gusto ko lang naman ay profuse apologies for what u did with dose girls. But u cant even face d fact. Kya sa u na lang pagkabastos mo.

17.18.06/05-07-04
Watever you think is the reason for rejected calls, alam ko ang toto, kahit ayaw mo un paniwalaan. Tsaka I didn’t think what I was talking about deserved a hang up from u. which is worse than rejecting a call. Kinakausap ka tapos papatayin mo na lang bigla. And only coz u didn’t…

Xxxxxxxxxxx

23.11.22/04-07-04
I could join u der, sure. Q s, should I? Keep telling u naman, erase all the doubts from m mind first.. don’t think magsasawa ma agad f we see each other regularly na. Kc naman, how much dya think all d time we spent together together in five years actually amount 2? D set ups wats nakakasawa.

23.03.08/04-07-04
yan m fon keeps dying since u called.. momy says pautang!ha3. ung pledge mo daw pati.. pero ako muna pautangin mo ha? Iv gudwill sale to catch! Ma bouth m a skirt and a blouse ulit, I look old naaa! Natatawa ko s itsura ko e, hehe.

19.06.14/04-07-04
ubos na both my load and momy’s di na ko binayaran kaya cant watch cine manila @ greenbelt, huhu. I wonder how its b f nandito ka lang. Mas murang magcommunicate pro mas maliit din sahod. Malayo k pa rin bt ill get to see u more often, which would make me fight less with you and lambing more.

00.01.08/04-04-04
The third option (slimmers) sa the gym I was talking about. Dats wat dady tried to push m into when he was still here, but duy, wen I finally warmed up to the idea, he shelved it. Kahit bowling d m pagbigyan. I don’t wana go to up.. how do u know I kiss better than krsten?!

23.15.50/03-07-04
cant afford it just yet daw. Bkt ganun? Dady’s bin playing tennis for the longest time. Ang ganda ng wedding gown ni MJ. D nicest of all was their very heartfelt kiss. Hay, to be n love again.

23.17.53/03-07-04
ang drama mo ha! Didn’t wana work yet coz I thot I was joining a gym. But not gona happen. MSHKIN na ko, sobra nila ako tinitipid. They wont even leme bowl. It would have been nice to take up a sport. I thought day wanted me to pay attention to my health, but they

19.57.53/03-07-04
Ohm god, o loov spiderman 1!!! Watch it as soon as u can. MJ s lovely lovely lovely. U liked her in the first, d b? she’s even better wd this 1. tsaka nakakainlove story nila!ha

31.12.35/03-07-04
naku ha, dnt tel me ur willing to get sacked ovr something ur not getting anything 4. sa kin nga d mo kayang isacrifice job mo, y lose it over abs? U shouldn’t allow dat. Fyt bak no, ano ka ba?kala ko ba malakas loob mo?

04.17.46/03-07-04
pretty good? I wasn’t xpectn dat reax.. I don’t think uv read it. Or ung motime lang ang binasa mo. Kc dats were I wrote about d six-month brek, which iv changed my mind about, ok?? D mo lang alam e. kanina nga we bought suits for interviews.

20.56.56/02-07-04
d m nag open ng email since I woke up, I go online late at night till early morning e. ma ang I just had dinner at tokyo2. can bing lang nag loved flock. W bouth great polos for dady. Gust2 din kita bilhan. Sabi sa u bilit tayo nung andito ka pa e.

04.51.03/02-07-04
f ug et this, gud. F u don’t, better. Ders something il make u see... tho m not sure I want u to. I know its Friday, u wont c it ryt away. Niway, here it is: mushtash.blogspot.com

Excuses, excuses

2004-07-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, work is no excuse.

How about death?

Maybe we really belong to different worlds.

I'm just so wrecked these days. With too many people on vacation (remember it's summer time here) and another guy on training, i've got my hands full.

If you're going to punish me with a lifetime of tampo which has no beginning, no ending, it's like a death knell for me.

I woke up with a terrible headache this morning.

Tried to read the sleazy book you gave me so could have something to talk about with you.

Problem is, you have all the time in the world to think of all the reasons why you should be upset with me.

Oh mayee, I'll try to live with all these till I can.

Fact is, it's you i miss forever. It's you I wanna be with and kiss until I melt into the ether. Only to be remembered for the passion I had for you.

And I'd like to freeze the three hours we were together before I left early this month.

But time has to move on. Flowers have to bloom from the bud. Fruits have to ripen. They are either harvested or just fall on the ground and wait for another season for the seed to become sapling.

What's the point?

Time is one of the things that's beyond my control.

Yeah, maybe you don't feel i'm not passionate enough about our newly-revived love.

But you'll never know... coz you probably busy trying to figure out how to extend a season of tampo against me.

It's not fair, esp. at a time when Ive ran out of load and money to buy load. with 8 days to go before payday.

So email is all I'm going to do now.

Kung magtatampo ka and you'll stonewall me, it's your judgment call. It's your choice. It's your freedom.

Just follow your heart.

As i will mine.

----------
From: mayee niproc
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 9:08 pm
To: Jay Hilotin
Subject: RE: snubbing

That doesn't even begin to answer my questions. That's all you can say, "sige, magtampo ka"??

Magtatampo talaga ako.

You always make work your excuse.

I was listening last night. I caught every word you said. Pero I wasn't interested in discussing it further, kaya wala akong sinabi. Wala naman akong kaalam-alam sa business. Tsaka it was 3 AM here, what did you expect? To top it all off, galit na ako sa 'yo nun.

Lalo pa ngayon. You're stoking the fire. Instead of making everything okay. Ewan.

Alam mo bang naiinis ako everytime I remember what you did with that Angela, that you allowed yourself to even get close to a BIMBO like her? That you held her waist like that and showed me the freaking picture? Nabubuwisit ako. And you're not doing anything to help me get over it. Buti na lang nawala 'yung digicam mo, kung 'di ako ang magtatapon nun sa sahig (o baka sinabi mo lang na nawala, so I won't push it?). Plus there's the Manens picture.

And countless other girls you've kissed--doesn't matter if it's "only" on the cheek. Buti sana kung lesbos, pero hindi. Who knows who among them gave you a hard-on. Who knows how many were featured in your liquid dreams. Who knows what Angela did to you in your daydreams, or in real life. Who knows where you took her, how much you spent on her, how many times you touched her and WHERE. I wanna bash her already ugly face. Oh yes, this is jealousy galore. Naiinsulto rin ako dahil you even THOUGHT of replacing me with someone like that. A lowlife. A SLUT! Gawd.

And don't even try throwing back "Who knows what Igo and you have done". I have documentation, 'kala mo. Jem has read our chat exchange. I can make you read everything that was ever said between us, if I want to. But I don't want to.

I think it'll always be unfair. I'll always be shortchanged. And it's not by virtue of age. I actually think your holding out is great--admirable. What isn't so great is that you almost broke your record...and you did it while claiming to still be in love with me. I don't know how you could've gone out with other people when you still had feelings for another girl. Ako 'di ko maisip na lumabas with someone and spend hours with him putting my best foot forward...para saan? Only to show my true colors after 2, 3 months? Dating people you don't know that well is a no-no for me. It's an exhausting exercise. Sasabihin mo you only did 'cause I encouraged you... Ha! And how many things from what I say do I mean when I'm angry? Don't take everything at face value. You should know what I really think. If you don't, that only means we're not on the same wavelength.

Sana you're doing something to dislodge these negative thoughts from my overactive mind, ano? Sana nga. Pero you're not. You're not helping any. And it's sad. Pathetic, even.

Jay Hilotin wrote:

Sige, magtampo ka.

When I woke up, I rushed to the office, no bath, no breakfast. didn't even comb.

toothbrush lang at hilamos.

i was late for the morning meet.

i was upset and tired last night, sort of regretted calling you.

pero okay lang, kasi antok ka na.

> ----------
> From: mayee niproc
> Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 7:53 pm
> To: Jay Hilotin
> Subject: snubbing
>
> Ang tagal-tagal mo sumagot. Di mo siguro binabasa kaagad. Or you do, pero you put off answering till later.
>
> Sabi ko wag kang complacent. Make me feel loved. And be CONSISTENT! I hate it when you forget what you told me just a minute ago. When I talk to you your mind is somewhere else. Ano ba 'yun? Sayang lang ang tawag kung 'di ka naman pala makakausap nang matino.
>
> And you still don't text before I do. Hinihintay ko na nga ang hapon para mauna ka...pero hanggang gabi pa ang paghihintay. Bakit ka ganyan? It's frustrating (nth time it is), to say the least.
>
> 'Di na kita papansinin hanggang mauna ka. Lagi na lang akong nauuna. Kung 'di rin kita inunahan this year, siguro hanggang ngayon you're giving me the cold shoulder. 'Pag nag-aaway tayo, ako man o ikaw ang nagsimula, ako pa rin ang nauunang mamansin. Ayoko na nang ganyan. Matagal mo na 'yung ginagawa eh...hanggang ngayon ba ganun pa rin ang ibibigay mo sa 'kin? Buti pang ibalik ang lahat sa dati bago ka umuwi, kasi parang ganun naman nga ang nangyayari. Naiinis lang ako sa 'yo ulit.
>
> Sasabihin mo 'di kita naiintindihan; na may trabaho ka, ako wala kaya ganun. Pero bakit, 'di mo ba magawang batiin ako 'pag gising mo sa umaga? Ha, ha? Sige, iintindihin ko. Ang gagawin ko, 'di na kita uunahang pansinin 'pag may trabaho na rin ako. Bahala ka.
>
> _____

June 2004

2004-06-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

02.54.22/28-06-04
Parausang luhaan sa kanyang kahinaan at kahihiyan. Ang akala moy tama na ang iyong ginawa. Panatag ka na may patutunguhan kayong hinaharap, magkasama. Ang hindi nyo alam ay ang dilim ay dilim at Ang tila’y liwanag, dilim pa rin pala.

20.01.06/22-06-04
U know everytime u don’t text bak agad, al sorts of thot flow thru my head. Its either that ur drowining urself in alcohol or sleeping with multiple women. I think someday it will make me crazy. So s tay sane, I beter close my fon na lang. Its no use anyway.

17.59.12/22-06-04
BB, let’s not fight. I hate angela. I love u. sana lang u make me feel loved kahit ur neck deep at work. Ang layulayo mo na nga e. Iv no one to touch, 2 hold, 2 kiss. Its lonely. A word from u s d only thing I look forward to every day but u make me wait 2 long.

21.56.06/21-06-04
Wag kang complacent. Make me feel loved and be consistent. Swerto mo nga, naliligaw nga pero nakahalik na agad. Nasasabihan pang ilove u. guess what I bought, neocolours best of CD. Un bang sayo orig? galing watched a movie with Mian.

03.39.38/21-06-04
Nagulat ako, nareject ko. M sleepin na. Gud nyt. I mean, morning.

02.55.38/21-06-04
maybe u don’t realise that my feelings are still dithering. They r not beyond chaning. So f u don’t make gud of our chance now, I might lose interest again. N other words, manligaw ka pa rin ano?

01.39.17/21-06-04
MYI02: U c urself involv in ur fam biz n 4 years, meaning, ditto ka den? But dats when I c myself joining u der! D ata magkatugma plans natin??

20.55.01/20-06-04
OK lang mag biz, pro mahirap dn I u lose money dat ur risked tapo la ka nang natirang money. Kya dapat kahit u invest some, u still save some. Can tito alex Fernando, rem Dem? They lost P4m sa jap resto nila dat didn’t click.

19.43.22/20-06-04
DAT is the msg I failed to send last nyt kc rant outa load n. Bakit d ka na rin nag ttext e may load ka naman? D ka na nga rn nauuna mag text e, d ka pa nagtitext at all. S ds wat I get only 2 weeks afteru left?y, 4 takin u bak less dan a week after I saw u agn?

19.37.31/20-06-04
Kla ko ba uv come to axpt, dat I can’t take ur calls all d tym? So u d jlusy? I cant do does things think m capable of; I feel guilty abt u with mommy gna, pano pa sa iba she doesn’t like? Wag mo ko pahirapang tawagan k, kc d kita pwedeng kausapin lagi!

00.12.14/20-06-04
CNONG may sabing galit ako? M not, but ur assuming I am might just make me mad. I was n d other room when u called, u ddnt cal again e I have no load, naicip mo ba? D pa ko nakakawdraw. + I was finishin the dark tower 4, which I have now, all 700 pages of it.

00.15.44/20-06-04
IV started the book 5 na rin, which is also around 700 pages thick, d ako ako selos, dats not the pot. Yoko kang dat u don’t answer my call khit 2log ka. Tsaka bkt, cant u tell international cals from local 1s, which u don wana ans?
Its like u don’t wana take even does from me. Y?

19.35.59/ 20-06-04
happy fathers’ day to a future father, whether of my kids or not. I gred ur papa and ur mama texted me ds: Myi tanks for ur love and care. Happys day too 2 ur dear dad. We love u too. Toto’s mom. T.B.H.

22.50.47/ 20-06-04
MYI02: complacent somtime. U still tend to ignore what u fought 4.. sayin u don’t hafta know wat I do everyday. Dat’s like not carin. D pwede sakin un. Ewan ko b sayo. U cant leave everthing to fate.

22.49.38/20-06-04
Il join u wen al doubts n my mind and heart r arased. & I mean it. Five years made me unsure of u. instead of assuring me, which is wat u must do more of now. I think I made it 2 easy for you so u feel

00.44.55/19-06-04
O meron? I wudnt know, malay ko whose legs k nakadantay, tsaka alam mo naming I cant take ur calls anytime. Cors I want 2 but I cant’ kaya sana pag ako ang 2mawag, alam mo ng u have to take it coz dat means der aren’t nosy people around, which is rare.

00.40.56/19-06-04
I know ur running out of money 4 cal cards. U sent m money so id be the 1 to call u, right? So why is it dat wen I do, nakasilent phone mo? I take ur calls even when m sleeping ah, a s long as im alone. E bkt kaw, hindi? E wala ka naming panagtataguan.

22.42.32/18-06-04
the only time I don’t answer is wen m downstairs having dinner and wen I’m wd my cuzins. Kaw naman kahit sabihang mamaya na, tatawag ka pa rin, sa landlyn naman this time. Sayiang 2loy ung call kc d ko masabi ung gusto kong sabihin. Ngayon u cant call kc im not sleeping in my room.

22.37.08/18-06-04
Alam mo palang u cant talk to me anytime, d dapat pag 2mawag ako u take d cal agad kc dat means d coast is clear! Isa pa, I never put my phon on silent mod kaya kahit 2log me at tumawag ka, id know. Kht d ko man mareceive, ill text u agad afteradd. E ikaw ewan.

15.20.26/18-06-04
Kulit mo naman e. sabi ko mnamaya na pro tawag ka pa rin. Yan tuloy d ko nasabi my tru kewnto. Maya na lang. Ang daya naman kc, kanina pa ko tawag pero nakasilent fon mo tapos wen I cant ans ur cal, tawag ka sa landline kahit sinabing mamaya na. Hay naku.

00.30.34/18-06-04
yoko may sibs, I can get kwento from cuzins naman. Plus I can get from books all the kwento I want and care about. Or maybe I just grew used to being a lone child. E1. basta m hapy w d setup. Pauwi na kami after d sibs and nlaws hugged and kissed. hayyyy

17-06-04
HOWR ya mylov? D2 kmi mama gina d dentist ironing out kinks within the family. particularly the business with mam nen prophesying bryan to be hopeless. Hirap dami kapatid, buti m isalng lang, masaya. I guess m’ing is ok so long as its me on ur mind while at it.

13.22.11/17-06-04
BBdB yesterday lang me reloaded? Bkt ganun?, 200 n lang agad load ko e twicy lang naman m txt u, tapos twyc din k daday/ I made no cal calls pati? Autoload pa sa kin s Ronald ng Dh50. pro 200 na lang? Bakit?! Ang dayaDAYA ng globe. Kya pala biggest earner!

01.07.30/17-06-04
dady called, pinipilit na naman me magwork. Its not like wala akong balak naman; I just wana take some more time off. U read my blog? Dnt cal m landline nga palan kc tonight, m sleeping beside ma n d other room. Gudnyt na po bblov. Tikr and kpPUR..mwah

01.03.46/17-06-04
Hibb, its 1 am hir but I don’t feel sleepy yet. M so engrossed wi d dark twoer4. may lov story kc,hehe. M glad I started reading Stephen king, tho ds is all il read by him kc his other books are horror e. Ds series is more of fantasy w a lil western.

20.20.16/16-06-04
course il pray for ur plans bb. how do you knw da it is gud, hmm? Ddja cal? W had dinder and wen I went back upstairs, my fone is on the floor. It fell and went dead.

16.59.26/06-06-04
don’t wori I don’t need money right away,m I not f bigyan n nina ma. End of the month is ok, kainis naman c legarda, sinabihan c kiko na bagitong senator.. d attacks are getting more personal., kainis opposition. It’s raining right now, it want a hug from my bb.

14.56.03/06-06-04
un msg ko last nyut bb. D nasend kc ka na pala ko load. Ngayon lang m load ulit. 1 onder f u both load for urself na. Hav u been reading my blog? I wana watch again pero I wana read more. Hehe. Der are new movies today coz its wed. ano gawa nambb?

14.52.11/16-06-04
5t or more? Kaw, kung anong pwede. I wil finish books 4 and 5 b4 the mnonth eneds. So I cud read d 6th come july. Dats wat il buy. Wana catch the gudwill 50% sale din before it ends.m reading wild swans ryt now2. its sad… amishoo bb. Nyt. Mwah.

22.28.00/15-06-04
oi bkt d u ans ha? Knina pa ko txt e.. I bought drk tower bk 5. yay!m now reading bk4. its so thick.bk6 is now available but la na ma pambili ngayon. Will u lend me money b4 mid-july kung d ako byaran ulit nna momy? Ddnt c 100 islands.

17.38.49/15-06-04
We saw u got served. Teen movie.nagcab kami, 100 lang papunta, 100 pabalik. Wir now in FX4 sure maiinggit can bing, f not magtamp. Pnasyal ko lang c cath kc lapit na sya umuwi. Ubos pera ko. D ko pa nakukua wat u went.
Bad ka, u future diver u! u ruined my pants!=p I wana touch u agn. Talap embrace n bed. Nothing like kissin from time to time, watching un sleep, tracing ur features, caresin ur back and arms and pits, flng m2y. ah, bliss. Aren’t u caling?

14.42.05/15-06-04
HI bb, M in Eastwood city, about to watch a movie with cathy. 2 lang kami. Mas madali pala dumaan sa marikina riverbas going here instead of katipunan. D2 na tayo daan next time. Amishoo po. Cant wait till dec. mwah!

19.49.07/14-06-04
Low bat po. Charge muna me. Cal again maya. A cal ctr called. Have interview on Friday. Called ABS, d writer/ PA position not filled yet daw. Which job do I think wud be better I wana rack up media experience but im curious about call ctrs 2.

00.09.25/14-06-04
bkit d u sagot ? lost ur chance u hear ILY nyt.

14.57.13/12-06-04
&Europ!punta tayo dun for our honeymoon ha>? Tapos wel make love in every country. Nyc if we conceive there, para intel baby natin! He2. Pwede rin RD trip through the many states of the US. Momy says she sees me marrying in 5 years. Not long now, BB…

14.49.31/12-06-04
Hi bb gest what. Were going to pang! Punta ki sa 100 islands. May emnel sis na tagadun. 1 bro bought a house I dasma daw. Were going to manaoag 2m after visiting M lolo’s tomb. I wana go to baguio w u. & palawan. & bicol. And romblon.

16.01.27/13-06-04
We went to alaminos, nir the hundred islands kaya I thought we sleep at a resort, d pala! Bukid kami natulog sa place nung taga emanuel, nilamok m! tapos d kami nakaligo lahat yesterday p! Ang behubehu ko na! Oh u wont wana kiss me f u can c m right now.

15.51.15/13-06-04
Hi bb, u eat instant nudles lang b pag wala u dinner? Wow u had mango shake last night, huh?my fave!pauwi na kami. We had mas @ manaoag, yay! Miraculous un, did u know? Panata tayo dun somday. Dun na parish ni fr sony Ramirez e.

19.55.29/13-06-04
BB, cant ANS. Maglulowbat. D2 pa lang kmi ni expressway. Mya k lang call, ill misscal u. K? do u realize ur a week gone na? I was gana text u yesterday bet 2-5 2 remind u of wer we were last week but la cgnal sa pinuntahan naming e. misya bb. Mwah.

01.12.38/11-06-04
Tamo, d mo na naman alam kung ano gusto mo talaga. Basta fou 2 suggest I date others. Unless ur for an open rel, 4 which m not. Kaw na lang kung gusto mo. But I want out first. Il break away before u make me cry again. Ang sakin lang s d eyes don’t lie.

01.08.12/11-06-04
other people. Ako w friends lang kc dats diff. D mo ata na gets? So its foul 2 push me into dating when its clear were together. Kung un ang gusto mo talaga, pwede rin. Pro dats not my idea of a rel. d ata talaga clear sa u idea ng commitment e.

01.05.23/HU knows hu u took to a hotel before me. I only sed I might have another before I agreed to a recon. Pero when we got back together, syempre it follows na wala ng ibang dates. I specifically told u dat night u thought I was fighting u. sabi ko we should agree never to go on dates w.

01.00.26/11-06-04
Not the fine dining, put ur best foot forward kind, I never touched any else, not even the waist, never kissed another straight guy on the cheek or elsewhere. Never went beyond texting. U mustve texted those girls too, besides taking them out. And saya saya!

00.57.09/11.06-04
daday had gfs before momy but they weren’t serious. I know coz they told me about it, and he sims takot p nga s inquisition ko. Ma saw many but u heard it urself, mu lang cla. Now I don’t realy c how dey fit into the picture. I never had another bf after u, never dated.

21.56.01/10-06-04
karereload ko lang d other day so I cant ask momy for a new load till after 4 days. E wala na rin akong pangreload. I treated ot m cuzins to day ng bg, met w high schools frends and 2m c EJ naman treat ko.

21.53.54/10-06-04
I will. Maybe I should d naman kta inaaway e. nagtatanong lang ako. M just looking for reassurance. U should know that. Since ur the 1 who had an ax to trind against m over the very same thing before. This will be my last text today. Cant afford to send u 10 messages a day.

21.51.12/10-06-04
things? Yan gna sinasabi kong los of interest on ur part wenever ud go away, kc u don’t wana pursue issues. Ud rather let them drop. Nung andito ka, ud vehemently deny any mischief. Preo once ur gone, al u can give me is a push to go dating. Fine, maybe

21.47.16/10-06-04
gulo mo. When we’re together, ud tell me not to go out with anyone else. Now ur telling me to go dating co workers just so I wont impose my “arrogance of innocence” with u. sound to me like a copout. U don’t want me to push d the subject. Y, so I wont have to find out some

08.43.55/10-06-04
So sabihin mo na habang maaga pa. Coz if it turns out u kept something from me and its four years later, im going leave u. I don’t care of the wedding is underway by then. M telling u can leave u if I learn uv banged another girl, and a cheap creature at that. So u better let me

12.21.39/09-06-04
Sabi ni momy dady will come around, wag lang sya bibiglain. Cguro it would be best to let him know when Iv worked der n dubai na, tapos uwi tayo. Para itd seem lyke dyan tayo nag reconcile, it wont realy look lyk we kep it for years, kahit we did. Cge na bb.

12.17.28/09-06-04
my titas n titos talk about me pala., kaya m like ds kasi I gre up with a loving dad and attentive mom. Kaya daw im, kumbaga, whole. Hehe. Kc cla either absent ang dad or galit lagi. E my dady says im his life and death… so lets not hurt dady agn.

12.06.04/09-06-04
hi pox, d kami tuloy ni ej kasi momy didn’t alow me to go out w her. Gusto plan na kami labas. Shes dragging me to d bank to wdraw wat m. jo sent 4 tuition fees tapos we’re going some where duno W p. nol and m. jang kc cla mayn. How was my bb’s sleep?

18.39.29/08-06-04
How can I c ur ems when I hire in ayala? @ nababagabag talaga m over the bok I wasn’t able to buy n ATC, d lang ma makabalik dun. La nang d dark tower book 5, huh2. m gonna try to go to booktopia pag may money na m ulti and my ibang kasama. Hirap umuwi galing dun e.

17.39.49/08-06-04
Hi bb, I wana go back to atc 4 the biks I wasn’t able to get last time. Kya lang la me kasama.. kung bkt kasi d ko naicip ilabas ang credt card ko then e mail laman pa naman pla. Yan 2loy, nababagagag m.. he2.. kaw ba d u ans my call!

16-30.57/07-06-04
hi bb, did ja get my mail from n newly opened account @ yahoo? No, u didn’t say ILY kagabi ah.. ur stil paying for ur car pala? Momy says hi. Pangging and her ate aiza r devastated. They just learned they have a 1 year old half sib. Ang sad ng ganun.

23.09.55/06-06-04
BB u didn’t say u loved me… hmp.. huhu.

17.48.34/03-05-04
when ka nag send pla? Sana hindi na lang. Kc d ko rin nakuha ngayon e nandi2 kami sa barko. E may inutangan pa naman cla daddy, magpapadala din ds week. Magtataka cla bkt sobra ung nasaATM ko. Bka gamitin nila, do ko masabing akn un.

23.45.53/02-05-04
I’m not sure I trust ur choice =p Sort of broken up? Ano un? May ganun ba? Wala po ata.. kay Malabo k sa kanila. Dapat sabihin mo ang totoo. Cge bring me guylian. Kahit konti lang. Ung nand2 nga di ko pa maubos. 2m uwi na nga pala kami.

22.34.50/02-05-04
sana dn ud clarify 2 ur family n d na tayo dalawa kc d namn talaga. BTW, ur pa jie was here around 9 earlier with his family. D kc cla nakapunta nung tues, dady’s bday. BTW, aftr he sed he wants to have a house in tagaytay. I joked ma f pwede sa dasma, ha3!

22.34.17/06-06-04
bakt naman naputol agad d # dat apired was 09262686206. so weird. Tawag ka ulit. Bitin e.

2004-05-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

15.50.30/13-05-04
bkt iba # mo? Pls bring d bk god of small things. M watching try w john ray cathy. Kanina we watched van helsng. Ganda. Nakabili ka n ba guylian> f di pa, s duty free na kang, ung tig $12 na shmry ang can. Kc madly un magmelt.

Forgotten heartwarmers

2003-12-16T23:29:00.000-08:00

Ung ibang lines nga were heart warming.

Looks like it was culled from different sources by whoever sent it first. Dinagdagan naman ng ibang nakatanggap bago i-forward.

But it was a nice read, though kinda long. I got it during deadline time and I had to read it again this morning.

X'mas shopping is just part of what Christmas used to mean to me.

I remember I used to be a lot happier when I was a kid.

I marvelled at the first Christmas lights we had. We used to string them around a cypress tree in front of our house. My eyes would play with them on our way out of the house to hear the dawn mass on very cold mornings.

I'd see the other townsfolk happily walking towards the church.

On the "radio phono" set we had, I used to play LPs or 45s of vinyl discs. "Give Love on Christmas Day" by the Jackson 5 was our favorite. We'd all sing it together. What bliss innocence brings. At that time, I didn't know what I wanted out of my life, but I sure loved music.

Just one new shirt and a pair of shoes or slippers during Christmas and I'd be so mighty glad. We used to feast sometimes on tough doughnuts "baked" (actually friend) by my mama, rolled in white sugar.

The Xmas tree in the house was made of tin can, when it was "uso". Later, we'd bring the tree from my mom's classroom after school closes for holiday break.

I cherished the simple lives around me, the poor neighborhood who had next to nothing.

I felt guilty sometimes about having new stuff.

The songs of my childhood still ring in my ears and echo in my heart. That's what I'm trying to avoid these cold, wintry days (and nights). The memories of Christmas. It sure is not easy.

But I realise I can't be a child forever and have to move forward. That's progress, I guess.

And there are other ways of spending it in a meaningful way.

----------

From: mayee c.
Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 11:29 pm
To: Jay Hilotin
Subject: RE: Sa mga in love, na-in love na, at mai-in love pa lang

Maganda yung iba dun...highlight ko sana pero nakakatamad.

Ah, Xmas... Told you before it has no meaning for me... Except an excuse to go shopping and to blow monetary gifts at the mall in one go.

It'll be my first Christmas in years without Mommy and Daddy, and I'm surprised I don't really care. But I do miss them...

It's cold now, yes. Paulan-ulan pa nga eh. It'll get colder, I suppose. And every day I'm assaulted by Xmas songs, and Xmas lights, shoppers and carolers... But they don't matter. Nothing does. I don't feel it's Xmas. There's no cheer at all. Just like my Xmases in the last several years.

No different from yours, so don't worry. Sa ganung lagay, di ka nag-iisa.

Jay Hilotin wrote:

Lovisms... ah, no comment.

O kumusta na ang Pasko mo?

Dito malamig na malamig na. Pero kinakalimutan ko na ang Pasko.

I shun all the Xmas songs stirring in my mind and echo in my ears.

I don't listen to Dubai 92FM or other stations playing Xmas songs, esp those I grew up with.

I shut out the songs I heard since gradeschool. I try to forget their titles, lyrics and the imagery in my mind they represent.

I try to forget my family, the start of Simbang Gabi, symbols of commercialised Christmas.

It's all a big racket.

I try to forget home, songs like "I'll Be Home for Christmas," coz I decided I won't be.

For a long time. I've become an extremist on this issue.

And I don't care if I die with this condition.

I try to forget my Christianity.

I try, I try, I try.

And still keep trying.

> ----------
> From: mayee c.
> Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 2:43 pm
> To: Jay Hilotin
> Subject: Fwd: Sa mga in love, na-in love na, at mai-in love pa lang
>
> <>

Aug. 12, 2003

2003-12-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

+639179594090/ 01.04.53
12-08-2003
YdntUdoWATpowtDD?FNDsm12KNOCKup,thenMARYherFsheGETSpreg.PRAsurNmayBBYkyo,nMAYanakK..DbSMmosAGO,UWERDMANwDATplan?DOitNOW..bka mgpngabotPmgaANKñoNIpowt,ha2!

00.06.18/12-08-2003
I fil 4 roji, wa2 nman. Kla ko ba gs2 ni powt nun, bsta matalino,magging ank ñya,kahit pangit?Now r u saying pumatol xa s d aral n girl or somethn? Teka, san NAMANña un ittra?sa bhay mo?Mary d girl (rojie) na lng din kya, 2tal kmuka ko naman daw.

Dec. 2-3, 2003

2003-12-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

18:52:54/12-02-2003
sarili mo ang niloloko mo, not to mention pnapahirapan. Ur inviting my wrtath on purpose pala e. ur brining it upon urself, asking for it. Sabi na nga ba! E sadista ka pala. E1 ko sa u, d kita maintindihanye

18:55:58/12-02-2003
ye, u will pro ngayon lang d b? later, pag andito ka na ulit, ur gona test m agen over them. Ganun naman, d b? just to make me let go of the issue momentarily lng din?
Kya ur proposing to compromise. Tatakasan mo na naman only to have it come back to haunt u later.

19:08:59/02-12-2002
M not asking u to forget abt ur friends completely, pro God, ur fighting with me over them. E tell me honestly, how cud dose people min so much 2 u, e dey dont rem u naman lagi. Deyr justs alive when ur around para magpalibre. Id say deyr user friendly.

19:09:25/02-12-2002
Di ba parng naggagamitan lang din kayo? So y c dem when d mo naman sila kailangan? Ano bang nakukuha mo dun? U really make m think u like their company more than u do mine. & why, kya nga nakapagtataka. Ano ba talagang binibigay sa u ng mga un dat ud fight with me over them?

19:29:42/02-12-2002
Y did u send that third text e ders nothing new there naman?oh yes u do!only to leson reasons to fight with me, which us still did. kc

19:32:02/02-12-2002
kc seeing them late mins going home late, waking u p late to see me! Seeing them will take time off our time together. I could understand pati why you needed to see them wen ur vac was supposed to be 4 me! Taposbinawi mo din lang later ung sinabi mo, at sinabi ulit. Gulo mo e!

19:38:29/02-12-2002
The only reason why I didn’t get m ESB from SG was u>don’t u heap the blame on me 4 dat! Pinabalabas mo ako ang dahilan, ha, e d ko naman alam un noon! Dat decision u made alone! Tapos dinadamay mo ko?!NAGULAT ng KO sa kinalabasan, oi!

19:43:48/02-12-2002
ok sila coz theyr wives work 2. double income> ang layo!dats why u like dose people so much?!un nakukuha mo sa kanila? Bka u get deir wives dn, s wat u mean?! Ano un, they are a cult of switchers?huh?

19:47:11/02-12-2002
kung jelly ka sa kanila> its not them!it’s ur time, which I get so little of. Maybe u forget ds is an LDR. And dat rels are for companionship and not fighting all the time. Kaya u think f uv had me

20:13:57/02-12-2002
d pwedeng if u had me do thing 2 u, sa iba ka naman hahanap ng aliw, no matter how innocent. Kasi dat time will take up time for me din nga kasi. Tamo pag puyat ka, ul beg to meet later than our agreed time. E sino lugi? Sinabi mo pa man ding para sakin ang bakasyong

20:16:46/02-12-2002
un. Tapos pag matatapos na manghihinayang na naman sa times that went to waste. O ako lang ba nakakaramdam nun? Tapos how many nights, days, months of waiting again, before we see each other ulit? Doesn’t dat kill u? maybe it doesn’t, kya when ur here, you fill ur staying na.

12:16:09/03-12-2002
bad ka.tinawagan ka na nga di ka pa reply kagabi. 3 hours lang sleep ko, after I called u sleep na m tapos wok up @ 5.

18:56:20/03-12-2002
no!I just hate it>u hate it, and u do fight with me over them! Don’t even try to deny dahil anong tawag mo ditto?!u don’t understand my need to be with u! maybe coz ayaw mo? E d dun ka na nga! Dami pa satsat about this!

19:00:46/03-12-2002
ur friends are too old to be my friends 2. maybe I should be with someone who’s d same set of friends like me so the time we devote to socializing is spent together pa rin. Di saying oras being with different set of friends. Di mo talaga get e. D bale, u can make it up to ur friends sa next vacation mo.

Oil not a lasting answer to growing energy needs

2003-08-19T20:05:00.000-07:00
Oil, even rising amounts of it, is not going to be a lasting answer to the ever-rising energy needs of a growing economy and population.

This is the lesson developing countries must learn in order to avoid the same dangerous trend that caused untold damage to the U.S. and Canadian economies in days of power failure blamed on conspicuous consumption.

"The present mode of power production and consumption using only the supply-and-demand model in North America is unsustainable," said Silvio Borraccino, managing director of E-Solar, based in the Jebel Ali Free Zone.

"If this energy disaster caught up with the most powerful and technologically advanced nation in the world, shouldn't we take a hint?" said Borraccino, an Italian energy expert. "It's just absurd that in the UAE, hotels, households and most people use power to cool down their living environment and use power again to heat up the water."

Dubai, which dubs itself the city of the future, also expends electricity on bulbs which go back nearly 100 years, he charged.

Borraccino said the crippling blackouts that have affected eight states and over 50 million people are just a warning shot ahead of more troubles to come, if future energy policy is simply more of the same.

Greens, specially in Europe, have in the past blamed what they say is a flawed supply-and-demand concept that underpins power consumption and production in North America.

"The U.S. has set a dangerous trend, and that is to produce whatever the people can consume irrespective of the consequences - not just consequences to them but to the world at large," said Borraccino.

The widespread power failures in countries that are also top producers of power generating systems have revealed a glaring need to reassess energy production and consumption patterns.

Borraccino charged that it was "short-sightedness" by the Bush administration that led them to create an energy policy which vehemently opposes the Rio and Kyoto agreements on emissions.

Instead, the U.S. offered to pay countries that emit less toxic air in exchange for the right to continue or raise its present carbondioxide emissions. He stressed that the U.S. administration's approach of "we don't care what everybody else thinks" does not seem to help them now.

"I am sure someone will jump on these questions saying that the problem was just a technical one and that it is not an issue of consumption and capacity," he said.

Power stations in Ohio, U.S. energy officials admit, were overstretched. But more importantly, the financial losses sustained by businesses during the power outages are higher than any five-year energy conservation programme.

Germany, on the other hand, is an example of a country with a forward-looking energy policy. The German government pays for every kilowatt produced through solar and wind energy not just to the monopoly-bound utility company but to factories, households and investors.

"This is not exactly the case on the other side of the Atlantic. The opening of the Alaska oil fields is not going to prevent another massive power failure. There's no way. And they know it," said Borraccino.

"Despite all the recurrent costly examples, it seems we are not yet convinced that the problem is not in the supply and demand of energy but instead on the way we perceive it as it relates to the bigger picture and the consequences whether in the short or long term."

"If we just concentrate on capacity and demand, which is the main culprit of these disastrous blackouts, it would be enough to take a few past examples of a practical approach and see how the problem could have been minimised, if not avoided altogether," he said.

He cited China as an example of a country that has adopted a better lighting system. "In the last few years, China has embraced new lighting technology. They figured that billions of such lights will have to be powered everyday. So instead of retaining the old incandescent bulb technology, they replaced them with new compact fluorescent lights."

Bargaining

2003-08-18T19:02:00.000-07:00
Now i knw wat rytly 2 focus on. Kht ur stl holdn m bak bcoz of d way ud bn so rash w my hrt. M wary abt lovn agn 2 soon, & thngs wr hapnin so fst w igo dats y i dcdd 2 stop muna. I wna spnd enuf tym 2 colct mslf, 5:56

2 pik up d pcs & put dm bak 2gdr. Coz f its gna b igo, wel, he dsrvs evrthn iv got. Xcpt 1 thng m p/reservn, of cors.. nxt tym i get n2 a rel, i wna b sur n. may rsks p rn, sur. Bt i wna b sur its wat i brgaind 4. 6:05

Bargaining

2003-08-14T19:57:00.000-07:00
C, u wr d8ng pla dos nyts i flt al alon.. nagpapksaya k whyl i ws walowng n solitud. U ddnt jst ignor m; wen id txt p ud outryt tel m 2 stop bothrn u. u prbbly wer peakn den, huh..? pro wen u got bak, u trnd 2 m 5:48

Pra aliwn k, pra my mgwa k s bksyon mo. Hndi b rsrv grl yang tntwag? Pro dat x txt ws d lst straw. U knw dat nyt, id thot evrtn ws gna b ok agn. Pro cdnt b mor wrng. D cmplt opost hpnd. Pro blsng dn, aftr al. 5:50

God Gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

What I’m about to say here may be academic now.
I was an extremist myself. To me it was the logical thing to do, and be. Perhaps I didn’t grasp how extreme my reaction was to things I hold close to my heart.
But some things that seemed logical then may not hold true now. Realisations never precede events. They only happen after one gets to see the bigger picture.
I’ve come to realise the way I reacted to the episode involving that med guy sprang from seeing things through my own little lens.

I was headstrong. But I should have used my head to handle myself, and my heart to handle others.

It’s getting clear now I had a limited understanding of your dad’s grip on your own judgement. I’ve never been in a similar situation before.
He has an extremely overwhelming power of suggestion over you, I thought, and he finally came around to using it.
Little did I know that the Manens episode would open my eyes far and wide about one startling reality. My parents suggested they finally found their choice for a lifetime partner for me. But when it comes to human emotions, only the heart reigns supreme.
And emotions take time to take root. And I only realised it now.

My parents have never done that before. So I didn’t know how to react when it happened to you first.
I’ve always followed my parents’ wishes since I was a child. But it’s one incident when I knowingly and deliberately disappointed them — and never felt guilty about it.

Back to the med school guy story: If you will recall, I was really fuming mad that the issue was brought up at all.
Maybe you didn’t read it between the text lines I sent after that. Maybe you weren’t aware of the emotional troubles I grappled with at the time. Maybe my words were never strong enough. Maybe you refused to acknowledge I am also an emotional human being who needed to be assured.
I kept on saying: “he desecrated/violated his own rule.”
That was the sticking point. Even if it was suggested in jest, I had an extremely different take of the situation. I felt mad. For a long time.
And when no soothing, even assuring words were forthcoming from you, that only reinforced my troubles.

It was my loneliest Christmas and New Year.

I was forced to live in exile, I thought, during what could have been my happiest days of the year, having the chance to spend it with you on the sly and being with my family.

All for an unrequited love. I thought your folks were more interested in your perceived future convenience than living what I thought was your undying love for me.

I felt to have been taken for a ride, agreeing to be alone on Christmas day just to so my girlfriend could be introduced by her own father to another “omagad”.

Again, that was a violation of a long-standing rule. Even if we’ve been breaking it, we both suffered for it.

But instead of reassuring words, you went on devaluing the meaning of Christmas celebrations to me.

Maybe you didn’t grasp how fuming mad I’ve become. So I’ve nothing to lose because I was already in hell — or high water.
I literally forced myself to date when Valentine came around because I thought that would ease the pain.
I thought you’d be burning the line with your dad’s “manok” na. After our never-ending fights, it would have been the logical thing to do.

Maybe Igo was your kneejerk reaction to a frustrating situation. I understand that. But it’s this same understanding that gives me hope of a more fulfilling life.

Now I understand the inner workings of my own emotions and how to deal with others’ feelings, especially of someone you profess to love deeply.
I’ve come to realise that insensitivity can aggravate what you later called a “non-issue”. But I also realise that going to the extremes — in words, in actions — does not help in having a better understand a given situation.
Because if every gripe against a person or a country is settled by setting off a nuke, the world would have been destroyed many times over.

Now i knw wat rytly 2 focus on. Kht ur stl holdn m bak bcoz of d way ud bn so rash w my hrt. M wary abt lovn agn 2 soon, & thngs wr hapnin so fst w igo dats y i dcdd 2 stop muna. I wna spnd enuf tym 2 colct mslf, 5:56

2 pik up d pcs & put dm bak 2gdr. Coz f its gna b igo, wel, he dsrvs evrthn iv got. Xcpt 1 thng m p/reservn, of cors.. nxt tym i get n2 a rel, i wna b sur n. may rsks p rn, sur. Bt i wna b sur its wat i brgaind 4. 6:05

Aug 6-13, 2003

2003-08-14T16:55:00.000-07:00
21:12:46
13-08-03
focusdONurFAM,datUhadUGLYdmndingFRIENDS,datUddntPAYenufATNTNwenURaway.2topDAToff,uWNTzipmouthedONm4aWHOL2MOS.BTwenUgotHIR,wat?IwsWILNG2givITanodrGO,IthotITdservdDAT.

21:09:36
13-08-03
UdntWNArgrtIT4evr?OH,BTuWILL.SNBIkoDNun,dB?KAWlngE.UnvrBLVDm,WATi2LDu.InvrCHTDonU,nvrDDanythnUdidntLYKxcptWTCHflmsALONE.SuMDMIakongAYW.IdntLYKdatUdrnk,datUwer2

21:02:00
13-08-03
4anothrB4.NO,uDONTfyt4m;UfotWITHm.UinddWRwling2LETgo2ECLY.btHEY,datsNOTmFAULT,IVdonEVRYTHN2makeUrealyzSTUF,btUonlyDOnow.WCsAlilL8nMbk.KCmXHAUSTDn.IVnoNRGYna4U&me.

13-08-03
Wel,Uasked4it(Ds2ry)..IknwHWuMSTfil.IVbinDER2.BTmNOTrlyAPOLGTCabtIT.COZhey,UgotMORdan1.IdntNID2enumr8DM,DOi?AKOisaLNG.URryt,hesEVRTHINiWNT.&mGONApray4HMlykInvrPRYD

22:24:57/11-08-03
Mwahaha,lukuluko ang bulate!sbi n nga ba e. hahaha!sabihin MO ninang ako,yippee!I cant stop lafing&shaking my head at d same time.@_@

21:49:52/11-08-03
every1s gota cary hs own cross.basta ako iv resurrected n.=p CRNCHTYM ngayon will pas 2m wat jen&I worked on yest. Wat did dady say daw when T riky mad dat suggestion, dat u jam agen (A. no reaction yet, coz he didn’t email back to riki bout this issue).

19:51:12/10-08-03
iKNW dady asked abt u. momy 2ld m dn, d b and in turn 2ld u. now wat dd he say he told dady? Havnt cn ur eml yet. Jems here kc, wir working on something due on tues.

21.06.58/09-08-03
I ddnt text u yest. Wen u didn’t ans I stoped n. kc I thot, wats new? Dnt want 2 na sana e. kc gnun nman nakasanyan na, db? Y dnt u ask ms a. or huever na aliwin ka? Un lng naman ang gus2 mo frm m, ryt? Pro its not prt of my job na nga.

18:59:13/06-08-03
Ei, dl ds song dn by splendor. “d lonelist person I know.” Another song I think I wana sing to u, bsyds dos already n the compilation. Btw, some of those r songs I wanted u to sing to me. Pro not anymore. Sad…

18:11:19/06-08-03
nakakinsulto all over agn

18:10:17/06-08-03
ryt, buti n lng d k nakita ng tta mo sa windward. Yoko na sana sumagot syo kc its pointless, but duno y m still drawn n2 this texting thingy. Iv been trying to ive in peace here. Hope ur at peace wd ur obediences. Nyt.

18:09:21/06-08-03
pls stp sending those 4wards to me. Jst leave m alone, iv become more realistic about wat’s gud 4 me&whats not. I cnt always defy authorit, drag u wd me and hope to get away with it. Cant have it both ways, hav a nyc day.

18:03:41/06-08-03
pathetic eh? M quite hapy wd myself, my freedom. I also need not be told what to do, re devrginizng myself. U did dat already somhow.. or maybe what u really wanted to say was go f*k urself. Thank u.

18:02:41/06-08-03
Funy that a person can sing such a diff tune nang la pang 1 month.. see how inconsistent u r?m glad I didn’t make the mistake of kissing u. now how does that freedom u were so big about feel? Enjoy it, k? & id rader u keep mum about everything to t2 riki.

Regrets

2003-08-13T21:02:00.000-07:00
21:12:46
13-08-03
focusdONurFAM,datUhadUGLYdmndingFRIENDS,datUddntPAYenufATNTNwenURaway.2topDAToff,uWNTzipmouthedONm4aWHOL2MOS.BTwenUgotHIR,wat?IwsWILNG2givITanodrGO,IthotITdservdDAT.

21:09:36
13-08-03
UdntWNArgrtIT4evr?OH,BTuWILL.SNBIkoDNun,dB?KAWlngE.UnvrBLVDm,WATi2LDu.InvrCHTDonU,nvrDDanythnUdidntLYKxcptWTCHflmsALONE.SuMDMIakongAYW.IdntLYKdatUdrnk,datUwer2

21:02:00
13-08-03
4anothrB4.NO,uDONTfyt4m;UfotWITHm.UinddWRwling2LETgo2ECLY.btHEY,datsNOTmFAULT,IVdonEVRYTHN2makeUrealyzSTUF,btUonlyDOnow.WCsAlilL8nMbk.KCmXHAUSTDn.IVnoNRGYna4U&me.

13-08-03
Wel,Uasked4it(Ds2ry)..IknwHWuMSTfil.IVbinDER2.BTmNOTrlyAPOLGTCabtIT.COZhey,UgotMORdan1.IdntNID2enumr8DM,DOi?AKOisaLNG.URryt,hesEVRTHINiWNT.&mGONApray4HMlykInvrPRYD

Aug 6 - 11, 2003

2003-08-11T16:41:00.000-07:00
22:24:57/11-08-03
Mwahaha,lukuluko ang bulate!sbi n nga ba e. hahaha!sabihin MO ninang ako,yippee!I cant stop lafing&shaking my head at d same time.@_@

21:49:52/11-08-03
every1s gota cary hs own cross.basta ako iv resurrected n.=p CRNCHTYM ngayon will pas 2m wat jen&I worked on yest. Wat did dady say daw when T riky mad dat suggestion, dat u jam agen (A. no reaction yet, coz he didn’t email back to riki bout this issue).

19:51:12/10-08-03
iKNW dady asked abt u. momy 2ld m dn, d b and in turn 2ld u. now wat dd he say he told dady? Havnt cn ur eml yet. Jems here kc, wir working on something due on tues.

21.06.58/09-08-03
I ddnt text u yest. Wen u didn’t ans I stoped n. kc I thot, wats new? Dnt want 2 na sana e. kc gnun nman nakasanyan na, db? Y dnt u ask ms a. or huever na aliwin ka? Un lng naman ang gus2 mo frm m, ryt? Pro its not prt of my job na nga.

18:59:13/06-08-03
Ei, dl ds song dn by splendor. “d lonelist person I know.” Another song I think I wana sing to u, bsyds dos already n the compilation. Btw, some of those r songs I wanted u to sing to me. Pro not anymore. Sad…

18:11:19/06-08-03
nakakinsulto all over agn

18:10:17/06-08-03
ryt, buti n lng d k nakita ng tta mo sa windward. Yoko na sana sumagot syo kc its pointless, but duno y m still drawn n2 this texting thingy. Iv been trying to ive in peace here. Hope ur at peace wd ur obediences. Nyt.

18:09:21/06-08-03
pls stp sending those 4wards to me. Jst leave m alone, iv become more realistic about wat’s gud 4 me&whats not. I cnt always defy authorit, drag u wd me and hope to get away with it. Cant have it both ways, hav a nyc day.

18:03:41/06-08-03
pathetic eh? M quite hapy wd myself, my freedom. I also need not be told what to do, re devrginizng myself. U did dat already somhow.. or maybe what u really wanted to say was go f*k urself. Thank u.

18:02:41/06-08-03
Funy that a person can sing such a diff tune nang la pang 1 month.. see how inconsistent u r?m glad I didn’t make the mistake of kissing u. now how does that freedom u were so big about feel? Enjoy it, k? & id rader u keep mum about everything to t2 riki.

Unsettling discoveries

2003-08-03T19:52:00.000-07:00
20:14:21/13-08-03
Wel,Uasked4it(Ds2ry)..IknwHWuMSTfil.IVbinDER2. BTmNOTrlyAPOLGTCabtIT. COZhey,UgotMORdan1.IdntNID2enumr8DM,DOi?AKOisaLNG. URryt,hesEVRTHINiWNT. &mGONApray4HMlykInvrPRYD

21:02:00/13-08-03
4anothrB4.NO,uDONTfyt4m; UfotWITHm.UinddWRwling2LETgo2ECLY. btHEY,datsNOTmFAULT, IVdonEVRYTHN2makeUrealyz STUF,btUonlyDOnow. WCsAlilL8nMbk.KCmXHAUSTDn. IVnoNRGYna4U&me.

Well, thanks for your I-stories.
Sure, you’re entitled to having the time of your life, with Igo or with anybody else.
I dunno how to say this now. But judging from the way we’ve dealt with the difficulties we faced, I keep wondering if our withering away from each other was bound to happen.
I imagined you running to somebody else’s arms sooner than later because of that.
I must admit I didn’t have the slightest idea how to handle misunderstandings and emotional outbursts. I think I mishandled the Manny#2 episode. Maybe, I was too ‘natural’, spontaneous with my reactions. Even too extreme.
Well, Mr. I’s ‘natural’ entry into your life took place just when I thought things were getting better for us. (Funny the other day, I was just writing a story about the use of “e-go” smart cards. Can’t help noticing the irony)
As for me, I didn’t run into somebody else’s emotional rope.
Not yet.
Call me picky but I’ve discovered Ms. A.’s own flaws, which I can’t live with. Not least of which is the knowledge that she’s been seeing someone else on the side.
I dunno why I showed you those daft pictures of hers and Manens. Guess I just wanted to be absolutely honest with you about the whole thing.
Maybe the timing was perfect after all…
I’m sorry if I made you go through the exact same emotional storm in the past that I’m going through only now. I just hope I can deal with it as if nothing really happened.
Every normal human being is born with the ability to discriminate targets in life’s daily battles. My only hope is that Mr. I will make you become a better shooter.
I sort of degenerated in my prayer life lately. But if only for this intention I shall promise to fervently pray that you’ll be genuinely happy in his arms and care.
But if things would go wrong somehow, I’ll still be here for you.
Making you happy was something I sorely wanted to do.
By fighting for you, not with you. But it seems like I didn’t know to handle my own emotions. I knew I’ve bungled my chances. Add to that the challenge of distance.
It was tough. I poured out to you everything the way I knew best. I mortgaged the good things I’ve done in pursuit of those fleeting moments of magic.
It may seem moot now, and that silent pursuit may seem to you as lacking in substance.
Whatever becomes of the broken hearted, I’m yet to discover.
Now, I must battle with having to extricate myself from that natural state of things which drew me to you.
Going back to handling conflicts, I think they’re character builders. If there’s one good thing about wars, the kind that bites the flesh, it is that those who’ve seen it all and survived are taken to a higher stage of understanding.
It pushes civilisation forward.
I’m sure you now know how to handle your man better this time. But I know I shall be a better man because of you.

Noong in love ka pa

2003-07-06T18:32:00.000-07:00
(LIFTED FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S WORK)

Ang sarap ng in-love. Sa unang beses niyo mag-date tapos naramdaman niyo ang sinasabi nilang "spark" nako, magkaharap pa kayo naiisip mo na ang bukas
Para matawagan mo na siya at maayang makipag-date ulit, pero sa susunod kayong dalawa na lang.

Hindi ka mapakali pag wala siya sa tabi mo o hindi mo siya nakakausap sa isang araw, sigurado at sigurado tatawagan mo siya sa opisina, sa bahay at pag wala doon maglo-load ka sa cellphone mo at uubusuin ang 300 na prepaid sa loob ng isang tawag na wala naman ibang laman kundi bungisngis, kamustahan at kuento tungkol sa lahat ng sama ng loob mo sa mga ex mo.

At ang goodbye sa telepono ay nde matapos-tapos, hindi niyo malaman kung sino ang unang magbababa at umaasa kang me "Take care" sa huli. Me text pa yan sa umaga para masabi mo sa kanya na masaya ka na nakapag-usap kayo.

Minsang gumimik kayo at upbeat ang sounds, hala! sayaw ka kahit parehong Kaliwa nag mga paa mo, pero gusto niyang sumayaw kaya sige sasayaw ka na rin.
Kahit ilang mule, arctic at sub-zero ang orderin niya wala kang pakialam, mas mabuti nga kse nga puede mo na siyang akbayan at I-hug pag medio lasing na siya, pag hindi siya pumalag nako! score! para kang nasa langit.

Malamang, matapos mo siyang ma-hug eh ayaw mo nang maligo at lagi mong naaalala ang scent ng pabango niya na me halong amoy alcohol na pero para sa yo mabango pa din siya.

At siempre tuwing matapos kayong gumimik eh ayaw mo pa rin matapos ang gabi kaya hihirit ka pa ng coffee, kahit isandaan ang isang baso, "So what?!?" kamo, pera lang yan ang importante kasama mo siya. Masaya ka rin pag na-traffic kayo kse makakapagkuentuhan pa kayo pauwi.

Matiyaga mong inaral ang pagda-drive ng manual gamit lang ang isang kamay kse yun isa hawak yun kamay niya o nakadantay sa hita niya habang nagmamaneho ka.

Araw-araw magmamakaawa ka na ihatid mo siya at kung puede ka rin niyang Ihatid pauwi, at kung lulusot baka pati lunch eh puede na rin na kayo ang maging lunchmates. Pag me free time ka eh nasa bookstore ka para nagtingin ng mga puedeng ibigay na greeting cards. Nakalimutan
mo na ang barkada mo, para sa yo malaking abala lang sila sa napakagandang lovelife mo kese hodang magtampo pa sila sa yo at magsolian na kayo ng kandila sa inaanak mo sa kanila.
At kung aalis man kayo nde ka magkasya sa pagte-text lang sa lab mo,
kelangan mong pumunta sa banyo para lang magkarinigan kayo pag tinawagan mo siya at sabihin na nde ka nag-eenjoy at mas gusto mo na siya ang kasama. Pagdating ng weekend nako para kang intsik!
alas dies pa lang ng umaga nasa kanila ka na at me
dalang suhol na breakfast para sa nanay niyang nakasimangot dahil natutulog pa ang anak niya eh andun ka na. Pagdating ng gabi kahit antok na antok na siya eh ayaw mo pa ring umuwi, hinihintay mong makatulog siya sa mga bisig mo para makanakaw ka ulit ng kiss. Iniisip mo rin kung kelan ka kaya niya ipapakilala sa friends niya?

Nung kayo na, lahat ng monthsary ice-celebrate niyo, me kasama pang surprise na regalo at date. At nde miminsan mong nabanggit na gusto mo na siyang Pakasalan at wala nang ibang babae sa puso at walaka nang makikita na katulad niya.

AFTER ONE YEAR
Mahal ang gimik sa bar, mas maganda kung kakain na lang kayo sa Jollibee at manonood ng sine. Minsan, wag na rin manood!
Wag na kayo magkape, masyadong mahal with matching
comment na "Leche, me ginto ba yan?"

Mas gusto mo nang kasama barkada mo dahil "minsan"
lang kayo magkita sa isang linggo.

Pgakahatid mo sa kanya, nagmamadali kang umuwi sa gabi dahil pagod ka na sa trabaho. (nahahatid pa nga ba?)

Pumapasok at umuuwi na siya mag-isa dahil nde mo siya masusundo dahil puyat ka.

Syet! wag ka niyang pipiliting sumayaw at nakakahiya.

Anong tawag? Sa load mong 300, mauubos yun at 1 beses mo lang tinext (against 245 na text niya sa yo) at 2 minutes mo siyang natawagan (against P300 worth na tawag nya syo). Naubos ang load mo kakatawag sa mga barkada mo at kakaforward
ng joke sa kanila at kung ano ano pa.

Pag weekend mas gusto mong manood na lang ng TV o matulog o mag playstation o mag pc kesa kausapin sya.

Pupunta ka lang Pag tumawag na siya at nagmamakaawang dalawin mo naman siya at me suhol na ipinagluto ka niya. (o kahit na anong suhol)

Kahit automatic na kotse mo nde mo pa rin makuhang hawakan ang kamay niya habang namamaneho ka.

Magastos ang mga monthsary, kung anniversary niyo nga eh wala kang regalo, monthsary pa?!?

Mag-uusap kayo? Baket me problema ba? Kung wala, isang oras kang manonood ng TV, makikipagkwentuhan sa bestfriend mo habang siya eh nakatutulog (at namuti na mata) kahihintay na kausapin mo siya.

Miss na niyang ini-email mo siya, sagot mo? "Jus ko naman araw-araw na Tayong nag-uusap ano pa ba naman ang sasabihin ko sa yo? Baka gusto mo pa ng card?!?"

Pag aayain ka niya para gumimik with her friends ang sagot mo? "Utang na loob, kung gusto mong lumabas kasama friends mo ikaw na lang mag-isa at naiilang ako."

Pero pag lalabas kayo with your friends umiinit ulo mo pag tahimik siya pag nagjo-joke sila tungkol sa inyo ng ex mo sabay tanong "Nde ka ba nag-eenjoy?

Buiset, umuwi na nga lang tayo!"

At tungkol naman sa kasal..."Jusko naman, nde mo ba ako maintindihan?!? Wala pa akong pera saka nde ko maiisip yan ngayon!

Sana wag ka namang makulit."

Sa lahat ng ito, ngingiti na lang siya, iisipin lahat ng ginagawa mo noong nanliligaw ka pa malaman umaasa pa yun na babalik yun dati sabay buntung-hininga at sabi ng malakas..."Kay sarap ng in-love."

Tapos after 3 years...

Wala na, sawang-sawa na kayo sa isa't isa. Nasusuka ka na sa kanyang itsura, at siya sa iyo. Ang iniisip mo na lang ay pa'no burahin lahat ng alaala na pagkapait-pait balikan.

Nanghihinayang ka sa panahon, oras, at kayamanang ginugol mo sa isang tulad niya. Habang siya naman, di mo alam, gustong magmadre dahil sa pagsisising naniwala at nakipaglokohan siya sa isang gagong tulad mo.

Dalamhati sa isa't isa

2002-12-02T18:20:00.000-08:00
Practically referred? There you go again. Why can't you get it through your very thick skull that it WASN'T an ENDORSEMENT. he and mommy just mentioned it in passing, at natatawa-tawa pa nga, that tita nitz wanted me to meet her son. it was tita nitz, not them! jeez. pinalaki mo naman talaga eh, when in fact i have more reason to blow up over this endorsement issue, dahil ikaw naman ang tinutulak talaga ng pamilya mo sa iba noon! hindi ba??

DI KO YUN PINALAKI. Nung sinabi mo yun, para paseselosin mo lang ako, ibang-iba ang dating sa akin. BUMUHOS ang ga-bundok na dalamhati.

Why can’t you argue without having to judge me as thick-skulled, by using words such makapal ang bungo o makapal ang mukha?

You made a big deal out of my own actions… and you counter-strike with the harshest words. But you don’t realize that words are all I have, too.

You h but
YOU STILL CAN’T GET IT.

pinipilit ka sa iba kahit alam naman nilang you were attached at that time. at nung umuwi kang huli, di ba hindi naman nila alam na di na tayo? pero pinagdudukdukan ka pa rin sa iba. tamo na lang yung si manens, nag-meet kayo, di ba? nag-meet kayo at naligo kayo sa sapa and you have pictures to show for it and you had long talks at kung anu-ano pa. She was ready to marry you, her parents wanted you to, and your parents were pushing you in the same direction, samantalang i've never even seen a shadow of that guy na bakla naman daw!

Ang dami-dami mo pang sinasabi na irrelevant naman. It's just all plain grave-digging. Why can't you just focus on your last few messages that December dahil that's what I brought up?? What, you can't find those from the ones you saved?? Bakit kailangan pang lumihis ang usapan? Gusto mo pa talaga paguluhin eh. Eh di sige!

I ASKED you to go on vacation earlier para di kayo sabay ni Daddy. Sabi ko pagbigyan mo na siya kasi he hasn't spent Christmas here in 16 years. 16 years! And I was 19 then! Bakit you gave me hell to ask that of you? Ayokong sabay kayo dahil mahirap yung gusto mo, ijuggle kamo kayo? Haha! Alam mo naman kung gaano yun kahigpit. As if makakalabas akong mag-isa pag nandito siya! Hindi mo alam how that hurt, the fact that you were willing not to see me basta you get to spend Christmas with your family. Ang sabi mo kahit minsan lang tayo magkita, basta nandito ka for Christmas. You knew it was impossible! You were asking me to sneak again, and I knew I couldn't do that with Daddy here. Noon ka lang naman pumayag eh. Umuwi ka, yes, but grudgingly. And now, what? Nobody asked that big a favor from you, to not spend Christmas with your family. But you chose not to. Ang lumalabas, kaya mo namang gawin pala yun without needing to be asked--pag basta ginusto mo lang--pero last year, you gave me hell for asking. Why?? It seems to me YOU were the one who picked a fight over that all along.

And now where's your family? Where's the family you love so much?? Bakit di mo sila inuwian? Kahit tawagan sila, ginawa mo ba? Bakit kaya mo silang tiisin ngayong Pasko pero last year, pinipilit mong hindi mo kaya?

I was jealous of your friends, yes! Because you came to them at the slightest bidding, whereas I had to move heaven and earth! I had to use harsh words pa before you agreed to anything. You said the vacation was for me, pero you still saw your friends.

Yes, you did that time! Ang ayaw ko lalo was after seeing me, you'd go see them naman till the wee hours! Ayoko nun, I felt used when you did that. Parang done with one pasarap, so sa iba naman.

Hitting two birds with one stone. I hated that. Tapos pag inumaga ka ng uwi, malilate kang pumunta sa akin. More time with your friends just means less time for me. Don't you know economics??

And no, it's not love. I've long forgotten what that word means. No thanks to you.

But I wonder why even now, I can't stop caring about all this. Maybe I will, once you stop blaming me. 'Cause I know I did what I did out of love. Jealous rages, messages peppered with cuss words...those were what you saw. I did them because I loved you then, even if it looked to you as if it was all done out of spite. But you didn't see me crying. And even if you did, it did nothing. I hurt you with words because they were the only things I had. But not even those seemed to get through to you. Di mo na lang ako pinansin eh. That's what hurt me the most. And I didn't even know why then. I didn't even know.

Jay Hilotin wrote:

I had to dig up my notes to get this:

Sept 23-2002
DakoTANGA.UdntHAV2spendS2PDxmasALONbutUcnSPNDdRESTfURlyfALON!
&nHEL!BURNthere,selfishPIECEfSHIT!IMthruWDurLIES.GS2kongMASUKA@puma2lAKOsMATNDANGpockmarkdASSHOLE!

This was before I agreed to go home. You see, I still agreed, despite the hurtful words you unleased there. I had to suffer more insult from you than I ever had to live with since birth. You called Christmas a stupid occasion. You practically bamboozled me to go home last October 2002, instead of around Xmas time that year. You unleashed the barrage of insults just because I was appealing my case with you.

Let me restate:
1. U used harsh words to make me violate my own heart, change my emotional calendar
2. I went home before xmas to avoid clashing with the vacation of your dad who hasn't seen many Xmases in the Philippines, according to you.
3. I went in self-exile.
4. I let go of the chance to spend the happiest time of the year.
5. therefore you asked me to substitute you for Xmas and my family
6. I agreed to that, and you didn't hear any harsh words from me. Just appeals that maybe you can juggle your family and me.
7. You were jealous of my friends at a time when they didn't even know I came home.

Now, on Nov.21, read what you texted me?

U think m chasing GRLS anywerIgo?> no,BTiDONTlykURrels"refern"uKNGkniknio,espWHENdyKNOWuALREADYhavAgf.MAYBdeyDOdatCOZuCOMPLAIN2dm?DONTu?

REMEMBER HOW I RESPONDED TO THIS?

You don't like my family referring me just anybody else. But you expect me to say I'm alright when the supreme earthly authority in your life, the cause of my self-exile and 3-1/2 years of sub-boyfriend status, practically referred you to a Manny No. 2.

Everything else, including our fights over my friends whom you accused of engaging in orgies, pales compared to this. You were so jealous about my friends during my vacation when all I ever asked was for a few hours with them. And you accused us of engaging in group sex? What kind of mindset do you have? Open my wallet to them? Wow, I didn't even see them then. They didn't even know I went home.

Now tell me if you're being fair...

This is my last take this year. coz even after a year of our virtual silence, everything you say, even if few and far between, affects me and my work.

I've had it with you, Mayee. You make my heart bleed everytime, with the kind of words no one had the gall to tell me.

Let's do each other a favor. Let's just try forget the hurts... and go on with our lives.

We've violated enough rules of engagement for such a crazy thing. And it's not love anymore.

Good luck to you.

----------
From: mayeepot_ter
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:10 pm
To: Jay Hilotin
Subject: RE: (BS wisdom) I just discovered something...

> In the last few texts before your big snobbery, we weren't fighting about "Manny #2," as you tagged him, whoever he is. We were fighting about your friends! I was complaining bakit pag sa kanila, you were ever-ready to take out your wallet and spend late nights, when ako ang nalulugi dahil late nights mean late mornings which in turn means late and shorter dates for us!!

> And you only referred to Manny #2 in the letter you sent when you ended your silence, eh hindi naman siya ang pinag-aawayan natin! Which means that you just made him out to be the reason behind our big fight Dec last year. Pinalaki mo lang.

YUN NGA ANG MAHIRAP SA PAG-IISIP MO. You think PINALAKI ko lang.

> Kaya pala nagtataka ako kung bakit di mo na ako pinapansin, at lalo na nang malaman ko na yung taong yun ang dinadahilan mo when di naman siya ang pinag-aawayan natin just before you shut yourself off! You never asked me to "salve" your heart or whatever, because you never let me know your heart's grievance! Probably because you didn't know yourself. Ginawa mo lang yung dahilan when you decided to end your silence. And don't try to deny it; I have proof.

> Jay Hilotin wrote:
>
> Response to email before this:
>
> Look at the habits that you've become accustomed to, habits that have become a part of you.
>
> Part of it is your inability to engage in a discourse without getting mad.
>
> Maybe you can't see the difference. Are you thinking when one disagrees with you, he also rejects you as a person?
>
> 'Course not. I value what I worked hard for. It should not be your concern. And I have my own way of doing things, of valuing what I hold dear.
>
> And you may never understand... but that's no longer my problem. Objectivity is out of the question. An emotional equation calls for a different solution.
>
> As for the total blackout, sige.
>
> Whoever blinks first - whether this 2004 or beyond - is the first one to recognise the wrong things that he/she has said and done.
>
> That's a deal.
>
> Bye.
>
>
> > ----------
> > From: mayeepot_ter
> > Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 7:38 pm
> > To: Jay Hilotin
> > Subject: RE: BS wisdom
> >
> > Now you get it.
> >
> > Consider it a dare.
> >
> > First one to give in is a wimp.
> >
> > You don't want to be called that, right?
> >
> > Then prove you're not.
> >
> >
> > Jay Hilotin wrote:
> >
> > > Let's shed the past and let 2004 be a clean slate.
> >
> > What do you mean, as in total communication blackout?
> >
> >
> >
> > > ----------
> > > From: mayeepot_ter
> > > Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 7:20 pm
> > > To: Jay Hilotin
> > > Subject: RE: BS wisdom
> > >
> > > Don't mess with me right now! You don't know how much pain I'm in because you're no girl!
> > >
> > > Perceived provocation, my ass! Who wouldn't get incensed with what you wrote? You just came up with an accusation hidden in a "peaceful" sentence.
> > >
> > > If you really had self-respect, you wouldn't have thrown away with 2 months of stupidity something you worked at for 3 and a half years . Sana pinahalagahan mo yung pinaghirapan mo, pero hindi. At sana you applied journalistic principles you should have mastered by now, like getting to the bottom of the story before jumping to conclusions, or at least hearing both sides. Oh but yeah, it wouldn't have worked kasi where's the objectivity there when the other side to be considered is yours? Kaya magtiis ka ngayon, nagdurusa kang mag-isa.
> > >
> > > Whatever.
> > >
> > > And when I said Happy New Year, I didn't mean it. I don't wish you anything.
> > >
> > > I don't want to give you anything and I want nothing from you. Pwede bang wag na tayong magcorrespond? It's these little reminders of a bitter memory that're getting in the way eh. Let's shed the past and let 2004 be a clean slate.
> > >
> > >
> > > Jay Hilotin wrote:
> > >
> > > See, you're incensed agad!
> > >
> > > Peace is an inner state of mind.
> > >
> > > It's one's habits that determine one's reaction to a stimulus, or a perceived provocation.
> > >
> > > Sabi nga ni Confucius: When you're patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrows.
> > >
> > > And the world surrenders to a calm heart.
> > >
> > > I lost track of the volume of incendiary words I kept to myself which I wanted to tell you but didn't.
> > >
> > > Gladly, I've erased them from my emotional memory now.
> > >
> > > > When oh when will one of us stop blaming the other? Kailan mo ko bibigyan ng peace of mind??
> > > >
> > > I realised that everytime we fought in the past, it's always me who's at fault. I needed self respect too.
> > >
> > > > Happy New Year na lang.
> > >
> > > Good girl, but I didn't wish to change you. Have a blast this Happy New year!
> > >
> > >
> > > > ----------
> > > > From: mayeepot_ter>
> > > > Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 5:49 pm
> > > > To: Jay Hilotin
> > > > Subject: RE: BS wisdom
> > > >
> > > > Maybe it's not a boner, but there's still some bulge! Ewww! But if you think that's what will invite mails from ladies....
> > > >
> > > > >Sometimes, though, small differences are blown out of proportion, especially when you >allow a little misunderstanding to degenerate into name-calling. >
> > > >
> > > > Oh, but who let it develop into two months of snobbery? Without even an attempt to clarify what was misunderstood?? Who stopped reacting na lang ba all of a sudden? And who suffered the other's silence?!
> > > >
> > > > Sinong unang pumansin ulit kanino? Noon lang kita minura, dahil you deserved it. YOU DESERVED IT!
> > > >
> > > > Argh!!! I am not having this conversation! Not tonight.
> > > >
> > > > When oh when will one of us stop blaming the other? Kailan mo ko bibigyan ng peace of mind??
> > > >
> > > > Happy New Year na lang.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Jay Hilotin wrote:
> > > >
> > > > I swear to God it's not a boner you're seeing there in my pic.
> > > >
> > > > It's just the tricky print on the fabric of the shorts I was wearing.
> > > >
> > > > Maybe it's your eyes that's tricking you. I asked both a male and female colleague what's wrong with the pic. They didn't even notice what you saw.
> > > >
> > > > I thought of changing the pic, coz I thought there was a hole in my shorts, which was the impression i got from you. When I looked again, wala naman.
> > > >
> > > > I have no time to change the pic now...
> > > >
> > > > I'm rushing a story, and helping other colleagues file their last bits for the year too.
> > > >
> > > > Dec 25 still means a lot to me.>
> > > >
> > > > Oh, I'm praying now more. At least I try to. It's a violent form of prayer, forcing myself esp during those times I don't feel like it.
> > > >
> > > > But nothing and no one can change my affinity towards Christmas. It brings me back to my happy childhood amid the simplicity of provicincial life once again. And the richness of meaning of that day includes the familiar sights and sounds that comfort my heart.
> > > >
> > > > Yes, we differ over friends, lack of sibs, our op about how we value occasions such as Christmas, among many others.
> > > >
> > > > But no two persons are the same. Even so-called identical twins differ in many things.
> > > >
> > > > It's not the differences per se that make a relationship work or not, but how you deal with them.
> > > >
> > > > Sometimes, though, small differences are blown out of proportion, especially when you allow a little misunderstanding to degenerate into name-calling.
> > > >
> > > > Peace.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > > ----------
> > > > > From: mayeepot_ter
> > > > > Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 5:07 pm
> > > > > To: Jay Hilotin
> > > > > Subject: RE: BS wisdom
> > > > >
> > > > > <>
> > > > > the numbers refer to paragraphs from your last e-mail
> > > > >
> > > > > 2) Marowe's a nice name
> > > > >
> > > > > 3) So you still pray? I thought you wanted to forget abt being a Christian. Or was that only on Dec 25th?
> > > > >
> > > > > 4) receive her with all your heart? try including your life and mind, too. didn't you learn? if it's all hearts, it doesn't turn out well
> > > > >
> > > > > 5) yeah, 'cause as that song goes...learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all>
> > > > >
> > > > > 6) that doesn't make sense. why spend an eternity (or at least the rest of your life) with someone you have zilch in common with? not even one?? that's like the kiss of death.
> > > > >
> > > > > ang hirap nga kung maraming hindi common sa inyo eh. look at us. i didn't like your friends, i didn't have sibs, etc
> > > > >
> > > > > 7) who did i bust all those rules for again? you're forgetting.>
> > > > >
> > > > > p.s. your pic there is yucky, period. if you can't see it, go see an eye doctor, will you?
> > > > >
> > > > > 'cause you're being so dense, i'll attach something here for you to SEE what i mean.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Jay Hilotin wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Mayeetot,
> > > > >
> > > > > Hope your 2004 will be better, as I do hope mine will be.
> > > > >
> > > > > Thanks for your concern about me finding my Marowe.
> > > > >
> > > > > I hope someday she'll come... But no, it's more of a gift of love I'm waiting and praying for right now.>
> > > > >
> > > > > That's because I believe I may not find love if I search for it high and low on my own. When love does smile at me, I shall receive her with all my heart.
> > > > >
> > > > > But first I must to learn to love, respect and care for myself if I have to love, respect and care for an entirely different person.
> > > > >
> > > > > And one has to be realistic. That one person whom I'd share the rest of my life with may never have a thing in common with me.
> > > > >
> > > > > Niway, hope all is well with you. I know you've been a nice girl (most of the time, except those times when you flaunted some rules written in Jeddah).
> > > > >
> > > > > PS: Just sharing with you some stress busters forwarded to me. And I don't see anything wrong with the picture I uploaded in filipinofriendfinder. Unless your third eye can see something else.
> > > > > _____________________
> > > > >

Surprise call

2002-08-31T19:20:00.000-07:00
A surprise call from Nene sent shivers down my spine. Good thing my day's tasks in the office are almost done. Otherwise I'd be too sullen to have done anything sensible. The news from Toronto about what happened in Banacud two days (or nights) ago, was not at all pleasant.

It's one of the things I'd rather not hear about. But sooner or later, I have to face the prospect of losing a father, probably to asthma. The attack was so bad that, according to Nene, Papa was virtually pleading God to take him into his arms right there and then. But Mama called the saints she knew and the souls of our departed dear ones -- including Lolo who died just last April 15 -- not to take Papa along to St Peter's arms too soon.

Last year, his heart condition had been taken care of via a triple CABG (also known as "cabbage", or coronary artery bypass graft). That cost him almost all of his retirement pay and the other savings of the family. Papa never had asthma during his drinking and the one-pack-a-day years.

A few days ago, I attended an informal presentation by a Manila-based insurance man who said that expenses rise proportionately with age while income goes downward. My father is penniless right now. He's basically living off our generosity. It won't be until four years later before he gets his first monthly pension.

Papa asked for the Lord's forgiveness for the excesses of his old life, Nene recalled Mama as saying. The man had probably 10 times more than his rightful share of alcohol during this prime years. A chain smoker for 30 years, too. How could he have stopped nicotine from clobbering all the useful air sacs in his lungs? I just pray that God will give him more time so he could see the next Dubai Shopping Festival, even if he has to take a portable nebulizer with him.

And here I am, so far away, trying to make sense of all these. There's nothing I could do but pray for him and our family. Especially Mama, who also has her own heart condition. She should be retiring soon. I should be praying more. God, forgive me too. And please change my heart, make it ever new.

Half a grace

2002-08-30T18:20:00.000-07:00
Will someone who heard mass starting from the offering part (too late to even give his own offering), just get half the grace that comes with it? Maybe nothing at all? But that's not for any mortal to decide, I think. A massive clean-up of the house (I appointed myself in charge of the kitchen and bathroom) shortly after a sumptous Friday lunch got me so beat. Slept again and woke up 15 minutes to 6.00pm. Little wonder that I arrived more than 20 minutes into Fr Daniel's mass.

The massive parking problem around St Mary's wasn't any help either. I gave the wheels to Nep, my roommate, just to see if the Dubai traffic police examiner was right in giving him a new driving license (after six or seven attempts that cost him more than Dh4,000, Nep claimed). He drove just fine. We found a parking space in a sand patch more than 200 meters away from the entrance.

But I felt good; at least we got in time for the priest's blessing. After the mass, I went up to one of the parish halls where my choirmates were brushing up songs for the mass wedding ceremony. It's a big day for Catholic couples who want cheap blessing.

Though that's still three months away, it's no joke to have four disparate voices blend in a way that won't jeopardize the affair. Last year, 21 couples met what it took to exchange their vows (out of the 40 or so who showed intent). How many will turn up before the December 3 affair this year? Depends on how many people value a priest's blessing before copulating.

The choir, it seems, is gaga over the singing more than the couples themselves are agog over the kissing (to seal their I do's, in case you don't know that yet). Last year, some of the couples have long gone past their honeymoon stage (many towed their own kids as flower girls or ring bearers, or both) before their bonds were sprinkled with holy water.

But the prospect of playing for a praise and worship band, a group of Indian youngsters headed by Edwin on the bass and Vivek, the keyboardist, made my heart jump. I've heard this group play next to where me and my choirmates do our practice rounds on Fridays at the parish hall. They played "Celebrate" quite nicely for me, who walked in as an "observer". But where did they get that cool Roland drum pad, complete with a kick? Really cool. I wanna buy one for myself. It's one of the things I love about Dubai: freedom of worship. Ah, music. It's food for the soul.

Moving target

2002-08-29T16:04:00.001-07:00
My pages, three in all, are nearly out of the way. But my day's fortunes could still spin into a seething disaster. Between now and printing time, around 8 pm, my whole work could very well go back to square one. That's thanks in no small part to having a string of smart bosses checking what we, the paper's workhorses, do. They, the bosses, just crack the whip. No, the back-to-square-one analogy is misleading. It's more like a station of the cross each day. Just that the stripes are unseen.

And it doesn't help that they've been at it longer than we, the work horses, have been. So they're quite familiar with the shortcuts and compromises, commissions and omissions that their underlings are capable of doing which, in turn, can also jeopardize their necks.

But the prospect of going home early on a Thursday makes my cells feel a bit more relaxed. A little consolation after a rather long day. Fridays and Eid are to the Gulf what Sundays and Christmas are to (some of the East and) most of the West. Becha know dat awredy. I showed up for work pretty early coz I knew I'd be stuck with one of the three or so pages, my day's tasks. Lazing my ass in bed for as long as I like --- or want, or need -- tomorrow is an idea that makes my eyes droop right now in great expectation of a horizontal rendezvous. With my two soft pillows, that is.

But hold it just yet. An assignment comes in for 7.00pm -- to interview the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" host for a feature story. Wachamacallit (Wag kayo makulit!). Eish hada! Just when I thought my day's finally over...

For nearly a month now, I've been shuffled from one segment of the Tabloid (each segment represents four pages) to another. That's a sub's job for you. But quite frankly, I'm just a glorified lay-out artist now. Thinking of heads, kickers, blurbs and checking typos -- plus a little rewriting here and there -- are run-of-the-mill tasks for an otherwise tile-setting affair. No reason to think about masochist tendencies here but I'm kind of enjoying this gig. It's like a moving target all the time. But a spur-of-the-moment assignment like this game show host whatsisface?

I heard Tabloid is one of the sections that people do read. For the cats and dog ads, I should think. Can you believe it... I've become the cartoon man for nearly a week now, going through Garfield, Dilbert, Andy Capp and all their non-siquitur crap. It's a refreshing break from having to deal with Modhesh, Dubai's home-bred mascot (which turned into a merchandise industry, including stuffed toys, school supplies and a Mario-like PC game for Dh75). But I didn't know I'd end up loving the paper's comics section.

This could be my last canine day in the paper, too. Those stamp-sized pictures of lost and found pets -- with their homely descriptions and the vet's advice corner -- make my heart bleed for these animals. But wait. Am I being too Westernised faster than I imagined?

I'm reminded of Quiapo, where enterprising Chinese businessmen turn feline meat into siopao, either asado or bola-bola. Dunno how true those tales are. I like either -- or both -- just the same. Must be the rat in me that wants to get back at the poor cats. But the "K-9" section reminds me of "Asucena", a fave of Ginebra fans in my home region. I'm talking about dog meat, of course, kaldereta-style. That sleepy corner of the Philippines where I grew up in is full of alcoholics that truckloads of sugarcane-based agua de pataranta are dumped there more than once a week. It's a place where dogs are never considered man's "best friend". They are loyal, all right. But best friend? Nah. Best pulutan, yes.

Future peak

2002-08-29T09:45:00.000-07:00
Mohsin, my colleague whose definitely enjoying his early fatherhood as much as he does his late-stage boyhood, taught me how to use iTunes. It's a CD playlist management software. One of the freebies -- from the Net. But what grabbed my interest was the online access that iTunes provides to a hundred or so radio stations from different parts of the world. Neat.

So this is the future of radio and music. A web-centric experience. It's got everything. Almost. Top hits from the 70s and 80s, Hard Rockin 80s, Flashback radio, Christian music, techno, electronica, hardrock, heavey metal, international (Jap, Dutch, Italian, others soon to follow, I think).

Imagine a time in the near future when every car that rolls out of factories comes with high-speed wireless access to the Web, along with ABS, seatbelts and airbags. You can drive your four-wheeler, probably running on hydro or fuel cell, in a desert Safari while tuning in to your favourite FM radio station or watching TV from halfway across the world. A retractable solar panel on the roof ensures that your vehicle's electronics will work, at least to give your coordinates, just in case a freak storm burries you in a heap of sand.

The coconut macaroons I ate in the car on my way to the office this morning was not all that bad...

08.29.02 9.45am

Let's hope she's right

2002-08-28T16:45:00.000-07:00
Words of encouragement. A pat in the back. A simple appreciation. It helps. It works. It's simple.

Yet it's hard to come by. And when you're the object of recognition, especially by a boss, for doing things right, for wearing the kind of smile you put on your miserable face...you're simply suspended in disbelief. You start to doubt your ears. Or the intention behind those feel-good words.

"You have the right attitude at work," my boss told me just now. It's not as if I did anything really great a minute ago. So I haven't got the fogiest as to the provocation for these load of ... "Mark my words, you have what it takes to succeed in life. Attitude counts, more than talent," the boss added.

Empty compliments, for lack of nothing to say? Or an outright insult, saying that what I lack in wit, I make up for it by having my heart in the right place? Well... dunno, really. All I know is I work for a living the best way I can. Maybe it's because I don't normally complain or grumble, no matter how tough the task. No matter how challenging. No matter how boring. No matter how simple. But I do ask the authorities when I don't know what to do. It's just common sense. Not a Mensa-type display of wit.

Ah, but let it be. For lack of anything creative or off-the-cuff reply, I just retorted: "Attitude is everything in life. When talent is misplaced, it ruins the people around you."

I really believe that. Some "experts" say that people tend to cling to their old ideas with time. But some truths don't change with time, do they? Let's take the dictator Ferdinand Marcos: a bar top-notcher, one of the youngest senators, one of the smartest presidents at the start of his career. One of the worst crooks too. When he married the once-beautiful Imelda, Ferdinand was already a rising star of Philippine politics (a congressman, I think). Well, Marcos turned out to be one of the worst crooks. No one can match his loot enough to unseat him from the Guinness Book of World Records. His children don't seem to care. They're back in the limelight. A few inches away from the coffers of our Mickey Mouse Republic. And what of the world "Imeldific"?

But that's another story. Back here in the office, I figured that I messed up my pages today. Not so happy with the way I edited the story (Dubai by night, about the trash collectors -- the unsung and unseen heroes). I thought the writer could have developed it further, squeezed more information, and make it not only a livelier but also an informative read. But not time to argue or get more facts. Besides the pictures are almost done by now, even if the pictures are a mess. But it's because of the way I laid them out.

But "you have what it takes to succeed in life".

A bold declaration. Let's hope the boss (whom I suspect is a she-man) is right about this.

08.28.02 4.45pm

Skin deep

2002-08-28T11:15:00.000-07:00
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want -- an adorable pancreas?

These words keep ringing in my ears. They hit right smack in the middle of my groin. I happen to think that the reason why some men (and women) end up alone even if they want to get married is because of the fact that human beings can't see beyong the skin. Forget the what's-essential-is-invisible-to-the-eye BS of that poor dogfight pilot Antoine.

Men and -- to a greater extent -- women, too, value nothing beyond the epidermis, both in real and reel life, in social relations and, even more so, in romantic dalliances. Can it be said that society feeds off its ignorance, blind for looking only on the surface.

Prone to fall into the folly of putting disproportionate value to what's seen only on the face? For valuing -- to borrow Martin Luther Jr's words -- the color of one's skin more than the weight of his character? You'd perhaps realise by now that this beauty-is-everything rule holds as much water as 'the-West-is-evil' mantra of Al Qaeda or 'the axis-of-evil' triumvirate defined by George W Bush.

We live with extremism in our daily lives. Or maybe it's just a simplistic understanding of the terra-firma. In the romantic realm, this extremism is like a vicious beast that preys on both the male and female species.

Most couple end up living miserable lives together because what they thought were unsavoury manifestations of inner qualities of their partner, which they initially ignored in favor of skin-deep considerations, will be resolved with time, with love. But even if time heals all wounds, or the usual love-conquers-all clichŽ, no amount of loving will tame an inner beast which Freuds thinks lies in the inner recesses of the consciousness of every "normal" person who can read up to this line.

I've always suspected that there are at least two ways of looking at things; part of the so-called thesis-antithesis equation. Call it dialectics, the unity of opposites, yin-yang, duality, positive-negative, Feng-Shui, good-evil equation, presence and absence, whatever.

Since I started pondering on this point, I was convinced that reality comes with a dual face. Otherwise, we wouldn't have any need for the millions of lawyers or judges to argue or rule in favor of one side against the other.

A dialogue or an argument can be likened to having two sides of the same coin, or rivers flowing separately. One comes from the wellsprings of wisdom, filtered by experience. The other comes from practical, University of Hard Knocks kind of logic. Either way, they end up in a murky, skin-deep mangrove before being washed away into the deep-blue sea. Salty as the taste of my armpits after a long walk on the Creekside.

No matter how long and winding their waters flow separately -- from the brooks and tributaries up in the mountains of incomprehension -- they usually end up in the same huge body of water... a giant mass of reality that embraces everything all at once.

But this reality becomes so humongous so as to be incomprehensible. A mighty creature that one becomes totally clueless of the origins of individual "truths" that together make the giant mass.

And when these snippets of reality have become intermingled in a colorless collection of liquid, only then can we see that it's just a part of an even bigger picture. Call it the interconnectedness of existence, if you will. We're all overwhelmed by our Lilliputian understanding. Who can characterise the whole body according to spare parts, quadrangles or nano-level composition? Even if that were possible, for what purpose?

But I digress.

Let's go back to the question of beauty being only skin-deep. In my book, it may well be. I tend to agree with the people who say that character counts too. A lot. That's the key to living in peace. Skin is only good for 10 or 15 years, max. After a woman goes through the ravages of child-bearing, child-rearing and building a family, beauty gives in to the years. Skin wrinkles, as old Giordano jeans do after the 1,000th spin.

But not character. It assumes more beauty with the years, honed by everyday lessons. Between the river and the deep blue see, every person's character is a reality that is both simple and mysterious. The difference between life and death, practicality and stupidity. Character goes right through the pancreas -- even if you take that phrase in a more biological than figurative sense.

I just woke up this morning realising that I will be 32 soon, in another 20 days or so. That thought scared me. Does that reflect vanity? Ah, but every human being has a share of that. Question is: should I go for the skin or the pancreas?

08.28.02 11.15am