Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Forgotten heartwarmers

Ung ibang lines nga were heart warming.

Looks like it was culled from different sources by whoever sent it first. Dinagdagan naman ng ibang nakatanggap bago i-forward.

But it was a nice read, though kinda long. I got it during deadline time and I had to read it again this morning.

X'mas shopping is just part of what Christmas used to mean to me.

I remember I used to be a lot happier when I was a kid.

I marvelled at the first Christmas lights we had. We used to string them around a cypress tree in front of our house. My eyes would play with them on our way out of the house to hear the dawn mass on very cold mornings.

I'd see the other townsfolk happily walking towards the church.

On the "radio phono" set we had, I used to play LPs or 45s of vinyl discs. "Give Love on Christmas Day" by the Jackson 5 was our favorite. We'd all sing it together. What bliss innocence brings. At that time, I didn't know what I wanted out of my life, but I sure loved music.

Just one new shirt and a pair of shoes or slippers during Christmas and I'd be so mighty glad. We used to feast sometimes on tough doughnuts "baked" (actually friend) by my mama, rolled in white sugar.

The Xmas tree in the house was made of tin can, when it was "uso". Later, we'd bring the tree from my mom's classroom after school closes for holiday break.

I cherished the simple lives around me, the poor neighborhood who had next to nothing.

I felt guilty sometimes about having new stuff.

The songs of my childhood still ring in my ears and echo in my heart. That's what I'm trying to avoid these cold, wintry days (and nights). The memories of Christmas. It sure is not easy.

But I realise I can't be a child forever and have to move forward. That's progress, I guess.

And there are other ways of spending it in a meaningful way.


----------

From: mayee c.
Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 11:29 pm
To: Jay Hilotin
Subject: RE: Sa mga in love, na-in love na, at mai-in love pa lang

Maganda yung iba dun...highlight ko sana pero nakakatamad.

Ah, Xmas... Told you before it has no meaning for me... Except an excuse to go shopping and to blow monetary gifts at the mall in one go.

It'll be my first Christmas in years without Mommy and Daddy, and I'm surprised I don't really care. But I do miss them...

It's cold now, yes. Paulan-ulan pa nga eh. It'll get colder, I suppose. And every day I'm assaulted by Xmas songs, and Xmas lights, shoppers and carolers... But they don't matter. Nothing does. I don't feel it's Xmas. There's no cheer at all. Just like my Xmases in the last several years.

No different from yours, so don't worry. Sa ganung lagay, di ka nag-iisa.


Jay Hilotin wrote:

Lovisms... ah, no comment.

O kumusta na ang Pasko mo?

Dito malamig na malamig na. Pero kinakalimutan ko na ang Pasko.

I shun all the Xmas songs stirring in my mind and echo in my ears.

I don't listen to Dubai 92FM or other stations playing Xmas songs, esp those I grew up with.

I shut out the songs I heard since gradeschool. I try to forget their titles, lyrics and the imagery in my mind they represent.

I try to forget my family, the start of Simbang Gabi, symbols of commercialised Christmas.

It's all a big racket.

I try to forget home, songs like "I'll Be Home for Christmas," coz I decided I won't be.

For a long time. I've become an extremist on this issue.

And I don't care if I die with this condition.

I try to forget my Christianity.

I try, I try, I try.

And still keep trying.


> ----------
> From: mayee c.
> Sent: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 2:43 pm
> To: Jay Hilotin
> Subject: Fwd: Sa mga in love, na-in love na, at mai-in love pa lang
>
> <>

Monday, December 08, 2003

Aug. 12, 2003

+639179594090/ 01.04.53
12-08-2003
YdntUdoWATpowtDD?FNDsm12KNOCKup,thenMARYherFsheGETSpreg.PRAsurNmayBBYkyo,nMAYanakK..DbSMmosAGO,UWERDMANwDATplan?DOitNOW..bka mgpngabotPmgaANKñoNIpowt,ha2!

00.06.18/12-08-2003
I fil 4 roji, wa2 nman. Kla ko ba gs2 ni powt nun, bsta matalino,magging ank ñya,kahit pangit?Now r u saying pumatol xa s d aral n girl or somethn? Teka, san NAMANña un ittra?sa bhay mo?Mary d girl (rojie) na lng din kya, 2tal kmuka ko naman daw.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Dec. 2-3, 2003

18:52:54/12-02-2003
sarili mo ang niloloko mo, not to mention pnapahirapan. Ur inviting my wrtath on purpose pala e. ur brining it upon urself, asking for it. Sabi na nga ba! E sadista ka pala. E1 ko sa u, d kita maintindihanye

18:55:58/12-02-2003
ye, u will pro ngayon lang d b? later, pag andito ka na ulit, ur gona test m agen over them. Ganun naman, d b? just to make me let go of the issue momentarily lng din?
Kya ur proposing to compromise. Tatakasan mo na naman only to have it come back to haunt u later.

19:08:59/02-12-2002
M not asking u to forget abt ur friends completely, pro God, ur fighting with me over them. E tell me honestly, how cud dose people min so much 2 u, e dey dont rem u naman lagi. Deyr justs alive when ur around para magpalibre. Id say deyr user friendly.

19:09:25/02-12-2002
Di ba parng naggagamitan lang din kayo? So y c dem when d mo naman sila kailangan? Ano bang nakukuha mo dun? U really make m think u like their company more than u do mine. & why, kya nga nakapagtataka. Ano ba talagang binibigay sa u ng mga un dat ud fight with me over them?

19:29:42/02-12-2002
Y did u send that third text e ders nothing new there naman?oh yes u do!only to leson reasons to fight with me, which us still did. kc

19:32:02/02-12-2002
kc seeing them late mins going home late, waking u p late to see me! Seeing them will take time off our time together. I could understand pati why you needed to see them wen ur vac was supposed to be 4 me! Taposbinawi mo din lang later ung sinabi mo, at sinabi ulit. Gulo mo e!

19:38:29/02-12-2002
The only reason why I didn’t get m ESB from SG was u>don’t u heap the blame on me 4 dat! Pinabalabas mo ako ang dahilan, ha, e d ko naman alam un noon! Dat decision u made alone! Tapos dinadamay mo ko?!NAGULAT ng KO sa kinalabasan, oi!

19:43:48/02-12-2002
ok sila coz theyr wives work 2. double income> ang layo!dats why u like dose people so much?!un nakukuha mo sa kanila? Bka u get deir wives dn, s wat u mean?! Ano un, they are a cult of switchers?huh?

19:47:11/02-12-2002
kung jelly ka sa kanila> its not them!it’s ur time, which I get so little of. Maybe u forget ds is an LDR. And dat rels are for companionship and not fighting all the time. Kaya u think f uv had me

20:13:57/02-12-2002
d pwedeng if u had me do thing 2 u, sa iba ka naman hahanap ng aliw, no matter how innocent. Kasi dat time will take up time for me din nga kasi. Tamo pag puyat ka, ul beg to meet later than our agreed time. E sino lugi? Sinabi mo pa man ding para sakin ang bakasyong

20:16:46/02-12-2002
un. Tapos pag matatapos na manghihinayang na naman sa times that went to waste. O ako lang ba nakakaramdam nun? Tapos how many nights, days, months of waiting again, before we see each other ulit? Doesn’t dat kill u? maybe it doesn’t, kya when ur here, you fill ur staying na.

12:16:09/03-12-2002
bad ka.tinawagan ka na nga di ka pa reply kagabi. 3 hours lang sleep ko, after I called u sleep na m tapos wok up @ 5.

18:56:20/03-12-2002
no!I just hate it>u hate it, and u do fight with me over them! Don’t even try to deny dahil anong tawag mo ditto?!u don’t understand my need to be with u! maybe coz ayaw mo? E d dun ka na nga! Dami pa satsat about this!

19:00:46/03-12-2002
ur friends are too old to be my friends 2. maybe I should be with someone who’s d same set of friends like me so the time we devote to socializing is spent together pa rin. Di saying oras being with different set of friends. Di mo talaga get e. D bale, u can make it up to ur friends sa next vacation mo.